#yeah it could have changed since then but seriously
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"Summer nights like this had a way of unfolding secrets. The kind of nights when the air hung heavy with pine and smoke, the moon glinting like a shy voyeur against the rippling surface of the lake. This wasnât your first time at the Washington family cabin, but it was the first time that everything felt different. No parents. No rules. And, worst of all, no escape from the fact that Josh Washington was here, and he wasnât yours."
summary: Your best friend invites you to their annual summer trip to the family cabin in the mountainsâsomething you've done before. But this year is different: no parents. After years of secretly harboring feelings for your best friendâs brother, Josh, you decide this is the perfect chance to finally confess.
tags: best friend's brother!joshua washington x f!reader, childhood crush, both josh and reader like each other but act oblivious (josh more than reader), reader is low key obsessed with josh, minor age gap, alternative universe where Hannah and Beth are still alive, some angst, p in v (protected), virginity loss (reader), kind of fluff, josh talks you through it (yummy!!), fingering (f receiving), idiots in love đ«¶đ»
/á - Ë -ăâ© tokkis note đŻ âż hey... how yall doing... the rami malek fever is so real i had to write something. so i did. 6,45k words to be more exact, teehee! i dont quite know what this is, but i had fun writing it, like it got me giggling and shit so yeah đ if you see any typos close your eyes, forget you saw anything. enjoy!
7th grade. That was when you stopped thinking of Josh Washington as just Hannahâs annoying older brother. Between the way he stayed behind after soccer practice to teach you how to kick a penalty and the smirk he threw over his shoulder, like he knew you were watching him. The first time when you actually considered Josh not being a jerk like other boys. In 9th grade, he became the hottest guy you had ever met. or maybe you just got so used to his face that you didn't want to look at other boys. Fast forward to now, you're starting college in one month, and things have changed in a way. maybe for the worstă
Ą because he's all you can think about.
âYouâre staring again.â Hannahâs voice snaps you out of your daze. Sheâs grinning, nudging your ribs as the two of you sit on the couch in the cabin. âYouâre so obvious.â You blink and turn toward her, cheeks heating. âIâI wasnât staring!â
âOh, you were,â she teases, popping a chip into her mouth. âWhat is it this time? The hair? The jawline? Or did you finally notice his arms? I mean, have you seen him chop firewood? Thatâs peak Josh.â
âHannah!â You hiss, smacking her arm. She only laughs, and you canât help but roll your eyes. But sheâs not wrong. Somewhere between your senior year of high school and now, Josh had gone from the boy who made stupid puns to the man who could take your breath away just by walking into a room. Unfortunately, it seems like he doesnât notice.
âStill no move, huh?â Hannah says, lowering her voice. âYouâre not seriously going to spend another summer in silent agony, are you?â You sigh. âWhat am I supposed to say? âHey, Josh, remember me? The girl who used to wear braces and cried when I lost my retainer? Cool. Wanna make out?ââ Hannah snorts so loudly that Beth, sitting nearby with her book, looks over with a frown. âWhat are you two laughing about now?â
âNothing,â you and Hannah say in unison, though sheâs still stifling giggles. Beth looks at you both, arching a brow. âSure,â she says, clearly unconvinced, but she doesnât push. She returns to her book, leaving you free to squirm under Hannahâs knowing gaze.
Josh doesnât stick around to witness your humiliation. Heâs already disappeared into the kitchen, and the sound of the fridge opening and the clinking of bottles is the only thing tethering you to the moment. âDo something this trip,â Hannah murmurs, leaning close so Beth doesnât overhear. âSeriously. Youâve been mooning over him since forever. And nowââ she waves a hand at the open windows, the twilight stretching wide like a stageââthis is your moment.â
âHannah, itâs not like that,â you say, but even you donât believe it. Not when your heart skips every time Josh is within ten feet of you. âItâs exactly like that,â she shoots back, voice low but insistent. âHe likes you, too, you know.â You look at her sharply. âWhat?â
âOh, donât give me that face,â Hannah says, rolling her eyes. âIâve seen the way he looks at you. Heâs just... Josh. Oblivious as hell.â
Youâre about to argue, to tell her sheâs wrong, that thereâs no way Joshua Washingtonâ carefree, clever, confident Josh, could ever see you like that. But before you can, his voice carries from the kitchen. âYou two plotting something?â Your breath hitches, and Hannah, ever the instigator, grins. âMaybe,â she calls back. Josh reappears, beer in hand, and leans against the doorway. His green eyes flick between the two of you, and for a moment, you swear they linger on you. âWell, donât blow up the cabin,â he says with a crooked smile before heading out onto the porch.
That night, the cabin settled into quiet. Beth retires early, Hannah tucked away in the room youâre sharing, and yet you canât sleep. Your thoughts swirlâimages of Joshâs hands, the way his eyes looked into yours, his voice, smooth and teasing, the way his smile felt like a hook tugging you somewhere you shouldnât want to go.
The room feels suffocating, the summer heat pressing against your skin. You slip out of bed as quietly as you can, grabbing a towel and slipping into your swimsuit. The lake isnât far. Youâve been there a hundred times before, but tonight, it feels like itâs waiting just for you. The water is cold when you first step in, but itâs a welcome relief, a shock that clears your head. You wade in deeper, letting the towel drop onto the shore, and soon, the swimsuit feels like too much. You hesitate, glancing back toward the cabin, but itâs silent and still. âJust you and the lake,â you whisper to yourself. The swimsuit peels away, and the water envelops you like a second skin. You float, staring up at the sky, letting the cool liquid carry the weight of your thoughts.
But then a voice shatters the stillness.
âDidnât take you for a midnight swimmer.â
You jolt, water sloshing as you whirl toward the shore. Josh is standing there, hands in his pockets, his head cocked in that infuriatingly casual way he always manages. âJosh!â You shriek, sinking deeper into the water. âWhat are you doing out here?â
âI could ask you the same thing,â he says, stepping closer to the waterâs edge. âCouldnât sleep?â
âSomething like that,â you mutter, your cheeks burning even as the water cools your skin. His eyes sweep over the lake, lingering just long enough to make your heart race. âYou always were full of surprises,â he says softly, almost to himself. âAre you just going to stand there and watch me, or are you joining?â you ask before you can think better of it. The question hangs in the air, bold and daring, and for a moment, you think youâve scared him off. But then he grins.
âAlright.â
You watch, half in awe, as he pulls his shirt over his head, revealing the toned lines of his chest and the faint trail of scars along his ribs. He doesnât stop there, shucking off his jeans until heâs left in his boxers.
The water ripples as he drops in, and suddenly, heâs closer than you expected, the space between you charged with something you canât quite name. âThis is nice,â he says, his voice quieter now, almost reverent. You nod, the words caught in your throat. âDo you ever feel like...â He trails off, his gaze fixed on the horizon. âLike thereâs something just out of reach? Like you want to grab it, but youâre scared of what happens if you do?â
Your heart thuds. âAll the time.â His gaze shifts to you, his expression unreadable. For a moment, you think heâs going to say somethingâsomething that will change everything. Instead, he leans back, letting himself float. âGood thing weâve got the whole summer,â he murmurs.
Youâre not sure if heâs talking to you or himself. But one thing is clear: youâll spend every moment of this summer trying to pull him closer.
The next morning, the cabin feels alive with the quiet rustle of summer. Birds trill in the trees, and sunlight pours through the open windows, a golden invitation to start the day. Hannah is already on the deck with a cup of coffee, scrolling on her phone when you step out. âYouâre up early,â she says, not looking up. You shrug, trying to hide how restless youâd been all night after what happened at the lake. âCouldnât sleep.â
She raises a brow but doesnât press. âJosh is down at the dock,â she says, nodding toward the lake. âProbably sulking. You know how he gets.â
You hesitate. âWhyâs he sulking?â
She snorts. âBecause the rest of the group isnât getting here until tomorrow. Youâd think one day without his entourage wouldnât kill him.â You glance toward the lake. the memory of last night. Joshâs quiet words, the way the moonlight danced in his eyes, it's still fresh in your mind. âYou should go,â Hannah says, smirking now. âCheer him up. Or stare at him some more. Whatever works.â
âHannah!â But sheâs already gone, slipping back into the cabin and leaving you with no choice but to head toward the dock.
Josh is sitting on the edge of the wooden dock, his feet dangling in the water. The air smells like cedar and the faint tang of sunscreen. for a moment, you almost turn back. But then he glances over his shoulder and sees you. âMorning,â he says, his voice softer than usual. âHey,â you say, stepping onto the dock and sitting a few feet away. For a while, neither of you speak. The lake stretches out before you, endless and still, and it feels like the world has shrunk to just the two of you.
âBig day ahead of us,â Josh says eventually, his tone laced with sarcasm. âYeah,â you reply, matching his smile. âSo many exciting activities. Staring at trees. Staring at water. Staring at each other.â He laughs, and the sound is warm and unexpected. âCareful. I might think youâre obsessed with me.â Your stomach flips, but you keep your voice light. âWho says Iâm not?â
Josh looks at you then, really looks at you, and for a second, you wonder if youâve said too much. But instead of teasing, his expression softens. âI donât get you sometimes,â he says quietly.
âWhat do you mean?â He shrugs, kicking at the water. âYouâre just...different. Not like everyone else.â oh boy. âGood different or bad different?â you ask, your heart in your throat. Josh doesnât answer right away. His gaze shifts to the endless forest, and when he finally speaks, his voice pangs through you.
âGood,â he says. "Definitely good.â
The rest of the day is a blur of lazy activitiesâhelping Beth organize the kitchen, listening to Hannahâs playlist on the deck, and avoiding Josh just enough to keep your heart from imploding. By sunset, the air is thick with the anticipation of the groupâs arrival tomorrow. Hannah flops onto the couch beside you, phone in hand. âSam says theyâre leaving first thing in the morning,â she says. âSo, enjoy the quiet while it lasts.â
âQuiet?â Beth calls from the kitchen, laughing. âHave you met us?â Hannah rolls her eyes. âYou know what I mean. Tomorrow itâs going to be chaos. Jess and Emily bickering, Chris and Ashley pretending theyâre not totally in love, Matt trying to keep the peace...and then thereâs Josh.â
âWhat about Josh?â You ask before you can stop yourself. Hannah gives you a look. âYou tell me.â
That night, you find yourself back at the lake, drawn by the same restless energy that kept you up the night before. You donât plan on skinny dipping againâit feels too risky with everyone aroundâbut the water calls to you anyway, soothing and eternal.
And maybe, just maybe, Josh feels the same right now.
Youâre sitting on the shore, toes dipping into the cool water when you hear footsteps behind you. âCouldnât sleep again?â You donât have to turn around to know itâs him. âI could say the same to you,â you reply, glancing back. Josh sits beside you, his shoulder brushing yours, and the warmth of him is enough to set your skin buzzing. âItâs weird, isnât it?â he says after a while.
âWhat is?â
âBeing back here. Without... you know. Adults. Rules.â You nod, the weight of his words settling over you. âFeels different.â
âYeah,â he says, his voice quieter now. âMakes you think about stuff.â
âLike what?â you ask, heart pounding.
Josh doesnât answer right away. Instead, he picks up a stone and skips it across the water. One, two, three perfect skips before it sinks. âLike what happens next,â he says finally. âFor all of us. Feels like everythingâs about to change.â
You donât know what to say to that. So, instead, you reach for your own stone, throwing it as hard as you can. It skips once before plunking into the water. âGuess Iâll just have to stick around and figure it out,â you say, keeping your voice light.
Josh looks at you, his eyes shadowed and searching, and for a moment, you think heâs going to say something. what you want to hear, maybe. something important. But instead, he smiles, that same lopsided grin thatâs been haunting your dreams for years. âGood,â he says.
âIâd miss you otherwise.â
The cabin feels too small the moment the others arrive. Itâs a blur of bodies, laughter, and chaos as the others spill into the space, dragging in bags, cooler boxes, and enough energy to wake the dead. Itâs not that you mind themâyouâve known most of Joshâs friends for years, but something about the way the cabin hums now feels different. The tight, intimate bubble youâd shared with Josh, Hannah, and Beth is gone, replaced by noise and the easy rhythm of their group. You feel...adrift, to say the least. And watching Josh slip seamlessly back into his role as the charismatic center of attention only makes it worse.
By the time night falls, the cabin is alive with music, the sharp pop of bottle caps, and the low buzz of conversation. You find yourself perched in a corner of the living room, a half-empty drink in hand, watching the others like a ghost at your own party.
Josh is at the center of it all, as always. Heâs standing near the couch, laughing at something Sam said, and the sound is enough to send your stomach twisting into knots. Sam, of course, is radiantâeffortlessly pretty in her cropped sweatshirt, her hair catching the light like spun gold. Sheâs animated, gesturing with her hands, and every time Josh leans closer to hear her, you feel like the room tilts off its axis. âHey,â Hannah says, sliding in next to you with a knowing look. âYou okay?â
âYeah,â you lie, taking a sip of your drink. Hannah snorts. âSubtle.â You glance at her, frowning. âWhat?â
âYou know what,â she says, tilting her head toward Josh and Sam. âSeriously, if youâre going to keep looking at him like that, you might as well do something about it.â
âIâm not looking at him,â you protest weakly. Hannah rolls her eyes. âSure. And Iâm not your best friend.â She pauses, watching you for a moment before her expression softens. âLook, youâre not exactly subtle when it comes to Josh. But for what itâs worth? I think heâs just as clueless about how he feels as you are.â Her words settle into your chest, a mix of hope and frustration, but before you can respond, Jess calls out from the other side of the room.
âHey! Whoâs up for Spin the Bottle?â You couldnât escape it, let's be honest.
You donât know how it happens, but somehow, you end up in the circle. Maybe itâs the drinking, or maybe itâs Hannah giving you a pointed nudge as everyone sits on the floor, but before you know it, youâre sandwiched between her and Ashley, your pulse pounding in your ears. Josh is directly across from you, his green eyes bright in the firelight. Sam is to his left, Jess to his right, and the knot in your stomach tightens. âOkay, ground rules,â Jess says, grinning wickedly. âNo chickening out. You spin, you kiss. Period.â
Thereâs a chorus of laughter and a few groans, but no one protests. Chris goes first, spinning the bottle with dramatic flair. It lands on Ashley, who blushes furiously but leans in to kiss him. The group erupts in cheers and wolf whistles, and you canât help but smile despite yourself.
One by one, the bottle makes its rounds. Jess and Emily kiss, Matt kisses Ashley despite him protesting, and eventually, itâs Joshâs turn. He spins the bottle with a lazy flick of his wrist, the glass neck twirling endlessly before it slows, stops, and lands on Sam.
Your stomach drops.
âOh, come on,â Jess says, clapping her hands. âThis is gonna be good.â Josh raises an eyebrow, glancing at Sam. She shrugs, smiling, and leans forward.
You canât look away.
Their lips meet in a brief, playful kissânothing dramatic, nothing earth-shattering. but itâs enough. Enough to make your chest ache, your fingers tighten around the drink in your hand. When they pull apart, everyone cheers again, and Josh laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. âYour turn,â he says, handing the bottle to Sam. But you donât care. Youâre too busy swallowing the lump in your throat, trying to ignore the way your vision blurs at the edges.
Later, when the game ends and the group begins to disperse, you slip outside, the cool night air a welcome relief from the suffocating cabin. The lake stretches out before you, dark and endless, and for a moment, you let yourself breathe.
âYou okay?â The voice startles you, and you turn to see Josh standing there, hands in his pockets. âIâm fine,â you say quickly, brushing at your eyes. He frowns, stepping closer. âYou sure? You looked kind of...I donât know, off.â You force a laugh, crossing your arms. âIâm fine, Josh. Really.â For a moment, he just looks at you, his brow furrowed like heâs trying to figure out a puzzle.
âYouâre a terrible liar,â he says softly. The words hit harder than they should, and before you can stop yourself, you snap. âWhat do you want me to say, Josh? That I didnât love watching you kiss Sam? That it didnât suck seeing you two all cozy earlier?â His eyes widen, caught off guard, and for a second, you regret everything. But then his expression shiftsâsomething softer, something almost...guilty.
âI didnât...â He trails off, running a hand through his hair. âI wasnât trying to...â You shake your head, wrapping your arms tighter around yourself. âForget it. Itâs not your fault.â Josh hesitates, like heâs weighing his next words carefully. âI wasnât trying to hurt you,â he says finally, his voice barely above a whisper.
You glance at him, your heart aching at the look in his eyesâconflicted, searching. âI know,â you say quietly. âItâs fine. Really.â But itâs not fine. And as you turn back toward the cabin, leaving Josh standing by the lake, you canât help but wonder if this summer is going to break you before itâs over.
The sun hung low in the sky, painting the cabin in hues of orange and gold. The group was scatteredâJess and Emily were bickering over sunscreen, Chris and Ashley were curled up on the deck talking in low tones, and Sam was by the lake with Hannah, skipping stones. It was all too perfect, too idyllic, except for the hollow ache in your chest.
Josh had been avoiding you all day.
It wasnât like he was being obvious about itâJosh had a knack for slipping into conversations, filling the room with his sharp wit and charm like nothing was wrong. But you felt it. In the way his eyes would dart past you when you entered a room, the way his laugh seemed just a little louder when you werenât around.
And maybe you were just as bad, lurking in the corners, pretending not to notice how often he touched Samâs arm when they talked.
Written across your heart was all of your will to make him seeâmake him realize there was no in-between. There was either you and him, or the hollow echo of âIâm so sorry for your loss.â And wasnât that what it felt like already? Like mourning something that never got the chance to live?
But it was his fault, wasnât it?
For making you want him so much that your heart bled angel tears. For teaching your lips to sing sweet once-upon-a-times about a boy who was all sharp edges and hidden softness, who didnât realize how much space he took up in your world.
By late afternoon, you found yourself back at the lake. It had become your refuge, the only place where you could breathe without the weight of Joshâs absence pressing against your ribs. Your toes skimmed the waterâs edge, the cool ripples kissing your skin. You werenât thinking about anything in particularâjust the endless horizon, the way the light danced on the surface of the lake. But then a voice broke through your thoughts.
âYou hiding out here now?â You didnât have to turn around to know it was him. Again.
âMaybe I am,â you said, your voice sharper than you intended. Josh sighed, stepping closer. You could feel the heat of him at your back, the way his presence wrapped around you even when you didnât want it to. âLook,â he said finally, his voice softer. âAbout the other night...â You turned to face him, cutting him off. âItâs fine, Josh. You donât owe me an explanation.â
âYes, I do.â His eyesâthose endless green eyesâsearched yours, his expression uncharacteristically serious. âNo, you donât,â you said, forcing a smile. âWeâre friends. Thatâs all weâve ever been, right?â
Josh flinched, like the word âfriendsâ was a physical blow. âI didnât mean to hurt you,â he said quietly. For a moment, you believed. But then you shook your head, stepping away. âYou didnât, Josh,â you said. âIâm fine.â
That night, the group decided to make a bonfire by the lake. The air was thick with laughter, the sharp scent of burning wood mingling with the sweetness of roasted marshmallows.
You sat with Hannah and Beth, listening as Chris tried to tell a ghost story that kept getting interrupted by Jessâs sarcastic commentary. Josh was across the fire, sitting next to Sam. He wasnât touching her, wasnât even looking at her, but it didnât matter.
Your hair cascaded like Niagara under the firelight, your lips so softâeven if he had never felt them under his. Josh couldnât stop looking at you. Your eyes glowed like an eternity, and your voiceâwhen you laughed at something - it was the only antidote heâd ever had for all those sleepless nights.
He didnât know how to fix this.
Didnât know how to reach across the chasm that had opened between you since that stupid game of Spin the Bottle. And maybe it was selfishâmaybe it was cruelâbut he wanted you to look at him the way you used to. Like he was something worth believing in.
The fire burned low as the group began to drift off, one by one. Eventually, it was just you and Josh, the silence between you heavy and unspoken. âShouldnât you be with Sam?â you asked, your tone biting. Josh frowned. âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
âNothing,â you said quickly, standing. âIâm going to bed.â But before you could leave, his hand shot out, catching your wrist. âWait,â he said, his voice urgent. You froze, refusing to look at him. âCan we justââ He hesitated, his grip loosening. âCan we talk?â You pulled away, your chest tightening. âNot tonight, Josh.â He didnât stop you this time, and as you walked back to the cabin, you felt the weight of his gaze on your back.
Neither of you slept that night.
The stars were muted behind a veil of clouds, the air heavy with the promise of rain. The cabin was quieter now. Days of forced smiles and lingering silences had worn you thin, and tonight, you found yourself outside again, pacing the gravel path that led to the lake.
You didnât mean to cry.
It started as an ache in your chest, spreading to your throat until the tears came unbidden, hot, and relentless. You wiped at them furiously, hating the way they betrayed you, but the anger only made it worse.
How could he be so blind?
You heard footsteps behind you, familiar and deliberate. You didnât need to turn around to know it was Josh. âGo away,â you said, your voice raw.
He didnât.
âHey,â he said softly, his tone careful, like he was afraid youâd shatter if he spoke too loud. âWhatâs wrong?â You laughed bitterly, the sound hollow in the stillness. âYou really have to ask?â Josh shifted, running a hand through his hair. âLook, if this is aboutââ
âItâs not about Sam!â you snapped, whirling to face him. âItâs about you, Josh. Itâs always about you.â His brows furrowed, confusion flickering in his green eyes. âWhat are you talking about?â You threw your hands up, frustration spilling over. âDo you know what itâs like? To feel like youâre screaming into the void, hoping, praying, that someone will hear you? To love someone so much that it hurts, only for them to act like you donât even exist?â Joshâs expression shifted, the confusion replaced by something deeper, something raw.
âIââ
âYou donât get it,â you interrupted, your voice breaking. âYou never have. And maybe thatâs my fault. Maybe I shouldâve said something years ago, but I didnât, and now... now I canât even look at you without feeling like Iâm suffocating.â The tears came harder now, and you didnât bother to stop them. Josh took a step closer, his jaw tight, but he didnât speak. âSay something,â you demanded, your voice trembling. âAnything.â
He didnât.
The silence stretched, thick and suffocating, until you shook your head, a bitter laugh escaping your lips. âOf course,â you said, turning away. âWhy did I even expectââ But before you could take another step, his hand caught your arm, spinning you back toward him.
And then he kissed you.
It wasnât soft.
It was desperate, messy, like he was trying to say all the words he couldnât find through the press of his lips. His hands cradled your face, grounding you even as the world seemed to tilt beneath your feet. For a moment, you froze, too stunned to move. But then your hands found his shirt, clutching the fabric like it was the only thing keeping you from falling apart. When he pulled back, his forehead rested against yours, his breath uneven.
âIâm sorry,â he whispered, his voice barely audible. âIâm sorry I didnât see it sooner. Iâm sorry I made you feel like this.â Your chest ached, the anger draining from your body as quickly as it had come. âJosh,â you started, but he cut you off, his green eyes locking onto yours. âI donât deserve you,â he said, his voice cracking. âI know I donât. But youâre all I think about. You always have been.â The words broke something in you, and the tears came again, but this time, they werenât born of anger or frustration. âThen why didnât you say anything?â you asked, your voice trembling. âBecause Iâm a coward,â he admitted, a humorless laugh escaping his lips. âBecause Iâm an idiot who didnât realize what he had until he almost lost it.â You stared at him, your heart pounding in your chest.
âI donât want to lose you,â he said, his hands still framing your face. âI canât.â You didnât trust yourself to speak, so you did the only thing you could: you kissed him.
This time, it was softer, slower, filled with all the things you couldnât put into words. And when you pulled back, his lips curved into a small, hesitant smile. âDoes this mean youâll stop avoiding me?â you asked, your voice shaking with a mix of laughter and tears. Josh chuckled, pressing another kiss to your forehead. âYou'll start wishing I would."
The first low rumble of thunder rolled across the sky as you and Josh lingered, the sound so faint at first that you barely noticed it. But then it came again, louder this time, accompanied by a flash of light on the horizon, pulling you both from your kiss. You glanced up at the clouds gathering above, your chest tightening. Josh followed your gaze, a grin tugging at his lips. âYou afraid of a little rain?â Before you could respond, the heavens opened up. The rain came in a sudden, torrential downpour, drenching you both in seconds. You yelped, the cold droplets soaking through your clothes as Josh let out a startled laugh. âCome on!â he shouted over the sound of the rain, grabbing your hand.
He led you up the path, past the cabin and deeper into the woods where a small gazebo stood, tucked beneath a canopy of trees. The structure was simple but charming, with its whitewashed beams and ivy creeping up the sides. Inside was a weathered but cozy couch, draped with soft blankets that someoneâHannah, probablyâhad left there.
You stumbled under the shelter just as another crack of thunder split the sky. The sound was deafening, but you couldnât help laughing as you leaned against one of the beams, rainwater dripping from your hair and clothes. Josh stood across from you, his hands on his hips, his shirt clinging to his chest in a way that made your heart race all over again. His hair was a mess, dark strands sticking to his forehead, and yet he looked unfairly goodâsmiling at you like this was the best night of his life.
âWell,â he said, shaking water from his hair, âso much for staying dry.â You rolled your eyes, wrapping your arms around yourself. âYou think?â He stepped closer, his grin softening into something warmer. âHere.â He reached for one of the blankets on the couch, shaking it out before draping it over your shoulders. His fingers brushed your arms as he adjusted it, and you shivered, though it wasnât from the rain. âThanks,â you murmured, your voice quieter now.
Josh sat beside you on the couch, his arm resting along the back as he leaned into the cushions. The rain pattered against the roof of the gazebo, a rhythmic hum that filled the silence between you. âYou know,â he said after a moment, his voice low, âI kind of like this.â You glanced at him, eyebrows raised. âGetting caught in a thunderstorm?â
âNo,â he said, chuckling. âBeing here. With you.â You looked away, focusing on the rain streaking down the gazeboâs wooden beams. âJosh...â âHey,â he said, his voice softer now. You felt his hand brush against yours, tentative, like he was testing the waters. âLook at me.â You turned to face him, your eyes meeting his. The rain softened the world around you, muting everything except the warmth in his gaze.
For a moment, neither of you spoke. It was just the two of you, sitting close on that old couch, the rain falling like a curtain around the gazebo. You could feel it, that familiar warmth creeping up within you, curling in your stomach every time Josh was near. Your heart thuds as his rough palm drags itself up your exposed thigh. Before you could stop yourself, the words rushed out of your mouth. âIâm a virgin!â Your face flushed a deep crimson as soon as the words left your lips, and you immediately covered your face with your hands in embarrassment.
Josh froze for a beat, his hand still resting on your thigh. You could feel his gaze on you, but you didnât dare look up. And then, to your surprise, you heard him laugh softly, the sound low and warm. âWait... really?â he asked, his voice filled with amusement but also something softer, something affectionate.
You peeked up at him, still hiding half of your face behind your hands, the flush on your cheeks deepening. âYeah, really,â you mumbled, not sure whether you were embarrassed or relieved to finally say it out loud. Joshâs grin widened, and there was a playful glint in his eyes as he leaned a little closer. âI gotta admit, thatâs a little... surprising.â He paused, his tone teasing but gentle. âBut, hey, no rushing." Your heart skipped a beat at the thought of him being your first. You nodded, your eyes searching his face, still unsure whether to be embarrassed or... maybe a little proud?
His hand gently moved from your thigh to rest on your knee, his thumb brushing over your skin in slow, reassuring circles. âDonât be embarrassed,â he said quietly, his voice soft. âI'm not trying anything unless you want to.â You looked up at him, meeting his gaze, and found only kindness thereâ no teasing, no judgment, just understanding. And somehow, that made everything feel a little easier. "I do want to... you know.." The words won't come out. âStill,â you muttered, âitâs... kind of awkward, donât you think?â Josh chuckled, that warm smile never leaving his face. âDon't think soâ he said, his voice low and serious now, âif youâre gonna share something like that with anyone, Iâm glad it could be me."
You nod, scooting closer to him, palms now flush on his chest. his eyes scan your every inch, and you try to look away, but he captures your lips into another kiss. his lips trail down to your neck with a low "can I?" And you hum, trying your best to stay quiet as you get used to the feeling.
in no time, you're under him, both entangled, half naked and out of breath. he finally pulls off your panties, tossing them to the floor as he spreads your cunt wide open with two of his fingers, and god, you looked so erotic, all shying away as he loomed over, fingers playing with your pussy. "You ever touched yourself like this before?" You nod, bottom lip captive between your teeth. "J-just a little..." Oh, god. "You're so beautiful, fuckă
Ą" And he's already losing his mind. Nights of fantasizing couldnât have prepared him for this.
placing his palm behind your knee, he lifts up your legs, laying light pecks onto the plush of your thighs, thumb now tracing down to your puffy clit. Josh starts slowly, swirling his finger and still kissing your soft flesh. "Thank you for letting me do this." tracing the entrace with his index, he pushes his finger slow and deep inside, and you arch against him. this was it. he was where all of his dreams led him to. you looked like something straight out of a 80's porno. cunningly, josh moved his finger, and before you knew it he added another one. you squeezed perfectly around his digits, the sounds you and your pussy made driving him to the brink. "You hear that?" he asks, curling up his fingers, the wet sounds amplifying. "don't think I've ever had a pussy this wet before..." you whimper ans wrigle under his hold. "Josh.."
"What? It's the truth." he chuckles, speed picking up, his other hand now flush to your lower belly. "Want you to come. Can you do that for me?" he looks up, doe eyes searching for yours, and you can already feel your body convulsing. it didn't take long for you to finally give in and gift him what he asked for, coming just from his fingers. the way you thighs squeezed together, trapping his hand between them, soft pleads dripping from your lips like honeyă
Ą he was done for. you were embarrassed, to say the least, hiding your face into his shirt he had taken off long ago. "Stop that, heyă
Ą look at me, baby." Baby. did you just come again? "You did great. so good." he leans in over you, pressing a soft kiss on the bridge of your nose. "Do you wanna keep going?" and you say the most eager 'yes' known to man. "i got you." he smiles, eyes tracing every curve of your body. he takes off his pants along with hus briefs, letting his shaft spring free, small pearls of precum already gathered at the tip.
your eyes opened. what the fuck? is that normal? you knew your first would hurt, but seeing what Josh had going on for him you knew it would be the most painful experience for you yet. "Don't worry. I'll go slow." he stumbles a bit back, grabbing a hold of his trousers, palming his pockets before he mutters a soft 'there we go.' and takes out a shiny wrapperă
Ą a condom. the opens it and carefully takes it out, lining it with the tip of his aching cock. "If you ever wanna stopă
Ą" he start, whilst rolling the condom down his length. "Tell me. Yeah?" you nod.
taking his length into his fist, Josh pumps it a few times before he aligns it with your entrance that trickled with juices. he lets it slip in, and your eyes close as tears threaten to fall. you claw at his back, but Josh kisses you as he slides in some more, your walla wrapping perfectly around himă
Ą just like it was meant to be. "It's okay, you're okay, baby."
after going in the last couple of inches, he starts to move, gently holding down onto your waist as he lets you adjust. "Doing so food for me."
just a few strokes after he feels you wrapping your legs around his hips, urging him deeper. "Please.." You plead, the sweetest sounds escaping your plump and swollen lips, and he swears he could come just by that. "Fuck, yeah, okayă
Ą" he groans, with the way your teary eyes stared up at him. He starts to move his hips, harder, deeper, each sound you made an encouragement. His palms make his way under your back, pulling you up, almost to sit on his lap. He fucks up into you, your arms lazily draped over his flexed shoulders whilst his lips kiss soft blooms onto your chest. you clench around him. "J-Josh..." he shakes his head, laughing as his fingers dig deep into your flesh where you know bruises will appear later. "Don'tă
Ą ha, I'm gonna come if you keep doing that." whines slip past your lips as his speed picks up. "Shit, shită
Ą" he pulls you closer, lips now stuck to your neck like a locket. "Y-you gonna come?" he prys. "Mhm.." you squeal as your eyes roll back. "Go ahead, for me." that's all it took. you come once again, nimbly wrapping around josh like a vine, walls squeezing him so tight. your mind goes blank, only soft moans gripping your throat as Josh pumps into you, finally releasing inside of the condom with a few thrusts.
you both breathe heavily, hearts beating in a sing-song, as you come down from your high. realization sets in as you meet each other's gaze. it was real. it really just happened.
"You okay?" he leans in, pressing a lazy kiss onto your lips. "Yeah... How okay can one be after having sex for the first time..?" and he laughs, playing with the strands of your hair. "Thank god for the rain covering the sound. You were super loud just thenă
Ą"
"Josh!"
#josh washington#josh washington smut#josh washington x reader#josh washington x you#joshua washington#until dawn#until dawn fanfics#rami malek#rami malek x reader
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Shell of Trust *â .â â§
Donatello had always prided himself on being observant. He noticed the little thingsâthe way people hesitated, the subtle changes in tone, the details others often overlooked. It was part of what made him such a good problem solver, and right now, the puzzle in question was you.
Youâd been part of their lives for months now, introduced as Aprilâs best friend. Sweet, kind, and intelligent, youâd fit in with the group almost seamlessly. But there were walls you kept up, things you didnât share, and the most glaring of all: your reluctance to let them come over to your home.
Donnie wasnât one to pry, but the more time he spent with you, the more he found himself wanting to know what was behind those walls. It wasnât just curiosityâit was something deeper. He admired you, more than he cared to admit, and your quiet strength had a way of captivating him.
So when youâd canceled plans for the third time that week, claiming something had come up, Donnie couldnât ignore the nagging feeling that something was wrong. Against his better judgment, he decided to stop by your place. He told himself it was just to make sure you were okay, but deep down, he knew there was more to it.
It was late when he arrived, the soft glow of your living room lights spilling out through the window. Donnie climbed onto the fire escape, careful not to make a sound as he peered inside.
What he saw stopped him in his tracks.
There, sitting cross-legged on the floor, was a little girl. She was playing with a set of blocks, her face scrunched up in concentration. Her resemblance to you was unmistakable, from the curve of her nose to the way her hair fell in soft waves.
Donnieâs breath hitched.
Before he could process the revelation, the little girl looked upâand screamed.
âMommy, there's someone at the window!â
Donnie backed away from the window, panic rising in his chest. He hadnât meant to scare her. A moment later, the window swung open, and you looked outside, your expression a mix of shock and seriousness.
âDonnie?â
âUh⊠hi,â he said sheepishly, raising a hand in an awkward wave.
âWhat are you doing here?â you asked, your voice laced with worry.
âIâI wanted to check on you,â he stammered. âI didnât mean to scare her. I didnât knowââ
âThat I have a daughter?â you finished for him, crossing your arms.
He nodded, his gaze flickering toward the window where the little girl was peeking out cautiously. âYeah. That.â
You sighed, leaning against the doorframe. âI didnât want you to find out like this.â
âWhy didnât you tell me?â he asked, his voice soft. âWhy didnât you tell any of us?â
You hesitated, glancing back at the window before stepping outside and closing the door behind you. âBecause itâs complicated, Donnie. People judge me because of that. They assume things, say things⊠I didnât want you guys to see me like that.â
Donnie frowned. âYou really think weâd do that?â
âI donât know,â you admitted. âBut I couldnât take the chance. Mayaâs been through enough, and so have I. I couldnât risk you rejecting herâor me.â
He took a step closer, his expression earnest. âI could never reject you. Either of you.â
Your eyes met his, uncertainty flickering in them. âYou say that now, but you donât know the whole story.â
âThen tell me,â he urged gently.
You hesitated, but the sincerity in his voice broke down some of your walls. âHer dad⊠he left when I told him I was pregnant. Said he wasnât ready to be a father and walked away, a few months later I found out he was cheating on me and his mistress was also pregnant.. Since then, itâs just been me and Maya. And letâs just say people havenât exactly been kind about it.â
Donnieâs eyes became more serious. âThatâs⊠awful.â
You gave a bitter laugh. âYeah, well, it is what it is. Iâve gotten used to people looking at me like Iâve failed somehow. I didnât want you guys to look at me that way, too.â
âI donât,â he said firmly. âAnd I never will. Youâre one of the strongest people Iâve ever met, and from what I can see, youâre an incredible mom.â
Your breath hitched, and you looked away, blinking back tears. âYou donât have to say that.â
âIâm not just saying it,â he insisted. âItâs the truth. And Maya⊠sheâs lucky to have you.â
You let out a shaky laugh, finally meeting his gaze again. âYouâre really something, you know that?â
He smiled softly. âI could say the same about you.â
The two of you stood there for a moment, the tension easing into something quieter, more intimate. Finally, you broke the silence.
âDo you want to come inside?â you asked.
âAre you sure?â
You nodded. âMayaâs probably still a little scared, but⊠I think itâs time she met one of my friends.â
He followed you inside, his movements careful and deliberate. Maya was still on the floor, clutching her stuffed rabbit tightly. When she saw him, her eyes widened, but she didnât scream this time.
âHi,â Donnie said gently, crouching down to her level. âIâm Donatello. You can call me Donnie if you want.â
She didnât respond, her grip on the rabbit tightening.
âItâs okay, sweetheart,â you said softly, kneeling beside her. âHeâs a friend. Remember how I told you about Mommyâs special friends? Donnieâs one of them.â
Maya glanced at you, then back at Donnie. After a long pause, she whispered, âYouâre really tall.â
Donnie chuckled, relief washing over him. âYeah, I get that a lot.â
Your heart warmed at the sight of him interacting with her so gently.
As the evening went on, you found yourself smiling more, watching Donnie carefully build a tower of blocks with Maya. He was patient and kind, never once making her feel uncomfortable.
Maybe, just maybe, you had found someone you could trustânot just with your heart, but with hers, too.
#reader#x reader#y/n#tmnt#tmnt x reader#bayverse tmnt x reader#f!reader#tmnt bayverse#bayverse leonardo#bayverse mikey#bayverse donnie#bayverse raphael
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Okay so, ima type in what I typed to my friend here.
"Yeah Ima be so dead ass. ||Mel and Ekko carried the final for me, ESPECIALLY Ekko."
Yeah, they should have just kept [Viktor] being Ryze. That made more sense to me than whatever this is. And I am all for mlm rep, but yeah, this felt WAY too, Jayvikky. I liked it better that they were brothers to parallel Vander and Silco, who also found each other and became bros, but it seemed like they went with how popular JayVik was and stuck with it. And Jayce being strung with Viktor for wherever they went felt...kinda nonsensical. I'd rather that Viktor was thwarted and too far gone to then just suddenly have a change of heart and go with Jayce. I imagined that he would have a contingency where he, incase his body was destroyed, would then later rise again to try and enact "Glorious Evolution". It would go well with the themes of his beliefs anyway because every time he dies, he comes back stronger in a new body. I feel like that would better set the ongoing conflict and fit well with the game and why he looks the way he does currently.
I also don't like how quick he and Mel's reunion was considering how much he favored her along with his odd and sudden dislike for her decisions-- Seriously, where did that even come from!?"
[Thought it over further. Him calling her out on her actions isn't the issue. It's the timing and how this transpires that confuses me. He just came from a post-apocalyptic world where Mel, Viktor, and everything else came to mind. The lack of time for them to truly talk made the scene felt out of nowhere and not at all fleshed out. He goes on to place part of the blame on her when literally it wasn't. She DID manipulate but only politically. Everything else was on he and Viktor. Then, when he DOES confront Viktor, the vibes are different. Viktor hurt and caused a chain of events that led to several lives being taken to ensure survival and his "Glorious Evolution", why is this essentially overlooked? Maybe when I review this again, it will make more sense, but as of now, the way Jayce treats both Mel and Viktor is VERY questionable.]
"I would have been pretty happy if He at least gave her a hug, a kiss, something to make their relationship seem consistent with what we were shown. I know that he's been gone for a while and a lot more cold, but this was a very odd direction to go with. I am super happy about Cait and Mel fighting side by side and that Mel may be the main character for a new Noxus related show! [Which I knew they'd set up!] but this series, after seeing it in its entirety, DID suffer too much from the pacing issues. I assumed at the First Act that it was quick paced to go with how they've all been shifted into places they didn't see coming, but the pacing issues continued to bring down the quality. 3 seasons would have made way more sense and would go well with the 3 ACT formula they had used. I hope they learn from this and refrain from making similar mistakes.
[I responded to my friend who posted these images above] I knew they'd make a callback to this line eventually, and I am genuinely surprised people are not catching this obvious set up to Jinx living. Also, I am betting that Heimer did "die" but only that alternate version of himself. [Though obviously I could be wrong, though a life of various lifetimes where he helps each version of the main cast sounds very Heimerdinger of him, especially since he didn't wanna leave.]
The biggest letdown for me has to be Jayce and Viktor's story. It just...doesn't make sense with what we have been shown. Also, if Viktor KNOWS bad shit would happen when bringing Hextech to life and all, why TF would he give it to Jayce then???? Or if he STILL wanted magic to be tampered with shy doesn't he comvince himself in a way HE KNOWS would prevent what happens next, surely NOT EVERY timeline has it where you continue on the path of destruction! You see what I mean!?!? Leave the time crap to Ekko, man. This new inclusion makes no sense! And he does this in VARIOUS timeliness for some reason. Man, I wish it was just a random ass mage or Ryze, this added stuff kinda kills the finale for međ«
I feel that making Viktor time travel ruins a huge aspect of the story, ngl, especially when Jayce argues that people can "craft their own path." The story also shouldn't have ended with what I could only assume both of them "dying" or traversing time instead. Also, the way Sky was treated and essentially replaced with Jayce feels....very very weeeeird."
[I believe that the ending just didn't land that well. I feel, now thinking over every character, Ekko, Mel, and Jinx carried this season HEAVY. These 3 were the most interesting parts of the season, honorable mention being Singed cause he be doing what he MUST. Also, what was the point of introducing Loris if all he was gonna end up being was a random guy who reminded Vi of Vander? I guess nothing is wrong with this, but when you're already stringing for time, these inclusions make no sense... I liked him, though, RIP Lorisđ€§. Oh, and Caut barely facing consequences is KINDA CRAZY but it goes with the themes of forgiveness/ acceptance. The Cycle would never end, after all, but yeah Vi and Cait made up WAY too fast and just shows that this needed another season. Let me know your thoughts!]
#arcane season 2 spoilers#arcane season 2#Arcane#arcane vi#viktor arcane#arcane mel#jayce arcane#arcane jayce#arcane spoilers#jayvik arcane#arcane jinx#arcane lol#arcane league of legends#arcane discussion#arcane discourse#arcane viktor#arcane vander#arcane loris#arcane caitlyn#meljay#mel merdada#mel medarda#jayce talis
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weird girl!kook
weird girl!kook is a social outcast amongst her fellow kooks; they didnât her strange and offputting for her macabre paintings
she loves people watching; it helps her gain inspiration for new paintings, and itâs fun. it gives her an insight on the lives of kildareâs âeliteâ
her parents are both artists, so she loves to joke that she never stood a chance. one of her mothers works with charcoal and the other is a sculptor so she was surrounded by the limitless potential of expression through art since before she could talk
has two ferrets named âasukaâ and ïżœïżœïżœshinjiâ and theyâre her babies. if theyâre not rolling around on her bed theyâre fighting and sheâs constantly having to break them up
she does not have many non artist friends and even her non artist friends are a little artsy in their own way (ie; kiara)
knew of jj before officially meeting at midsummers. she was intrigued by the party animal front he puts up in front of everyone that barely masks his cruelty
wanted to drop out of kildare private academy and focus on her art but her parents convinced her to stay and graduate so she could at least her her high school diploma and when that didnât work, access to their art supplies
smokes like a fucking chimney. not weed mind you, though she does get her stash from the mainland, cigarettes. she says it helps her think and that itâs good for stress but really she just likes the smell
weird girl!kook finds herself inexplicably drawn to jj after their midsummers meeting. she wants to get to know him but doesnât want to seem desperate or like a school girl with a crush but her asking around about him isnât helping
when he corners her asks her about it, she says itâs purely artistic curiosity, he has a good face and she would like to paint him. this inflates his ego to the gods so of course she has to humble him every so often
their painting sessions are something they both end up looking forward to though admittedly they had a rocky start
âwhy are you naked?â
he smirks at her blatant disgust, âarenât you gonna draw me like one of your french girls?â
she rolls her eyes and begins packing up her materials. he frowns. âwoah what are you doing?â
âif youâre not gonna take this seriously you can go. i can find someone else.â
he picks up his shirt from the floor and covers his lower half. heâs in front of her in mere seconds when she turns back from pack.
he grabs her arm, âhey hey hey okay wait thereâs no need for that. iâm sorry.â she looks at him, trying to gage if heâs genuine. she looks down at his hand on her arm, he lets go.
âsorry.â he scratches his head awkwardly, she takes note of this too.
âyou said that already.â
his cheeks flush at her bluntness, âyeah um sorry. sorry.â his face somehow grows pinker.
âyouâre good.â she unpacks her paints and looks back at him, âwell get dressed weâve got work to do.â
he grins, âyes maâam.â
she looks down at the arm he grabbed. goosebumps
often home alone because he mothers go to the mainland to sell their art as a kid she hated it but now sheâs thankful she doesnât have to explain why the infamous jackson genrette is sneaking out her room at 8 am
surprisingly not a lightweight, jj finds out the hard way when he tries to challenge her to a drinking game. she knew he was trying to get her drunk to fuck her so of course she hustled him, pretending not to know the rules and struggle in the first round only to kick his ass in the second, third, and fourth round. she ends up carrying him back to hers
her colorful outfits and makeup makes her stand out more than anything but she refuses to change it despite the drawbacks (being perceived) itâs how she expresses herself outside of her art
she hates being the center of attention but loves receiving praise for her art, this double edged sword always strikes when she offers to paint sets and props for school plays. she ends up the talk of the school for a month before she happily goes back to being the outcast
weird!girl!kook doesnât realize she likes jj until he pulls up to her house in his motorcycle on one of their non-meeting days. he tells her to get dressed cause he just wanted to see her. he convinces her to take him up to the roof so they can look at the stars. he points out every constellation he can find and tells her about his mom teaching him all about them. itâs the softest and most genuine sheâs ever seen him
thinks rafe is weird and sketchy but understands why him and jj are friends. rafe thinks sheâs weird and sketchy but knows sheâs exactly jjâs type. they get along for his sake
has jj saved as âmy museâ in her phone. jj has her saved as âsexy da vinciâ before he gets serious about her and âeye of the beholderâ after they start dating
no one understands how or why theyâre together because theyâre so different and they donât seem to like each other, at least thatâs what it looks like to outsiders. they still havenât gotten over that time she called him a dirty dog after he asked her to put her cigarette out on him while he was drunk (she did)
weird!girl!kook who hopes to leave outer banks share her art with the rest of the world and secretly hopes jj will come along
âââââââââââââââââââââââââ
this took me a minute cause it was not planned but as always tell me what you thought, positive or negative just keep it classy. <3
(i wonder if anyone will catch the iwtv inspo)
#weird girl!kook#jj maybank x black reader#obx black oc#weird!girl!kook#jj maybank x black!reader#outer banks moodboard
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hhhh talking about my writing was fun but 30 tags is not enough.. yes i have 3 major influences but i have minor ones too.. it is a lovechild of my favorite things.. writing is so fun and i have no self control or a concept of pacing myself i will sit there for 16 hours and get hit with every status effect but by god does it all just flow out of me. I've always been a music person yes but i also used to write a lot into early adulthood until The Incidentâą
but i am ready 2 jump back into it. i think comics are a great middle ground between the two mediums so i don't get As into writing bc i kind of started going crazy last time đ«Ą i can take a more structured approach to it that forces me to pace myself and think about it differently. i love art.... i love making things i love knowing how to do things i love knowing how to play things i love having so many creative outlets, even if i don't do a lot of them regularly lol. it is enriching đł and nice to know that it's always there to come back to when u want.
#if u want the tea my imagination at the time was like i could space out and straight up just be another person POV doing every little#thing as if i were them for hours and the experience would come together without having to even think about it.#different times/places/contexts/conversations etc. forced 2 to to my mom's lil cult meetings for 2 hours twice a week#i would opt to do these imagination exercises instead to rly put myself in a character's perspective. every stepâ stumbleâ#riding in a carriage together for the entirety from point A to B etc. WELL i was working on a horror anthology somewhere 18/19#(that had a small local following đ«¶đŸ) and it its concept was like the Twilight zone but a lot darker. it was called interdimensional#and the main recurring character never actually shows up in the story. they r an omnipresent god of death who exists everywhere but#exists outside of our realmâ and it picks random people to reveal itself to as a symbol. it can be apparent or just in passing that#the entry's MC sees it inâ it will appear on something somewhere and once it's brought up it's a cue to the reader that this person#has just been sent to an alternate reality that leads towards their inevitable death. for the character nothing ever changes immediately#but the different starts to creep its way inâ as does death's approach at its crescendo but the path's i took to get there were đš#and after enough entries i started to see the symbol irl and hallucinate some other stuff from my stories and it really scared me#and made me stop đ«Ą but i think in retrospect i just went too hard on the imagination exercises and wished i tried cultivating it instead#give myself time to settle and get in control.. but alasâ she has not written seriously since. to this day it still flows out of me if#i just sit down to do itâ but i don't think I'm at risk of something like that happening again anymore :3 so yeah âĄâ i am learning how to#draw and trying not 2 force it bc i want it to b fun as a little journey for me and i look forward to the day i can come back to actively#writing again too đ«¶đŸ i miss it but i also want to b able to draw à«źâ Ë â€ Ë âá#learn the hard thing first then do the stuff that comes naturally.... i also want to get back into music sometime but clearly i got a lot of#other stuff to work on đ i burnt myself out on it learning too many things and not having enough fun with it anymoreâ#but i have a better healthier with art these days and i know it'll be great to come back to when I'm ready đđ#i have been considering getting an acoustic or bass guitar tho đ§ the beauty of physical instruments.. they're just there ready 2 go..#I've been doing mostly digital the past few yearsâ when i was making music. it was also rly hard to when i was w my ex à«ź â ï»âá#that's a whole other rant lol. but ugh digital is like u gotta set it up u gotta make space and then u gotta be in one spot the whole time#i just wanna lay in bed and vibe or something yfm.. walk around maybe idk. do something less structured.#maybe.. hm. hmmm đ§#I'm going to guitar center lol c ya âđŸ getting a bass and amp and maybe a guitar too depending on the price
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this is an entire year late but. i think i was overcharged for iud insertion -_-
#i was in EXTREME PAIN bro i did NOT want to ask about if all the costs added up ok.#ive been suspecting it but. genuinely.#one) the docs name is on here but she had a student in the room and the Student is the one that put it in.#im pretty sure. thats meant to be cheaper lmao.#but also im looking up the fee estimates and im thinkin..... yo what the fuck.#yeah it could have changed since then but seriously? i paid#what was basically listed as the cost before rebate#that pisses me off lmao.#anyways theres a while before it needs to be removed but im considering just doing removal diy lmao.#not the safest idea perhaps but i dont wanna spend more money on this lmao.#saying all this with the shuro icon is fun LMAO pov: you are toshiro and after a year of nonconfrontation#acknowledge hesitantly that you have been overcharged for your iud insertion.
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my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me
#âno need for follow upâ#âyeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your#ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it#*doctor shrug emoji* â#âgo see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lolâ#he barely even looked at my incision like#this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask#if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had#fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your#fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser đ€Ł we arent helping your#swagless ass!!!#anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my#abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of#gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up#for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how#hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know#how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy#am i crazy???#this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other#organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it#get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to#get medical treatment.#anyway he said my âremaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.â#bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you.#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously.#but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess.#its fine đŹđŹđŹđŹđŹđŹđŹđŹđŹđŹđŹđŹđŹđŹđŹđŹđŹđŹđŹđŹ
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Full sketchbook page of younger Constant doodles. I am rotating this OC like never before
#truly what inspired this was finding what they were called before#because they were not always constant! they picked that out as a family tradition#the tiefling thing of having virtue names#i made it into 'around coming of age some cultures of tieflings will change their names to a quality they want to embody'#constant's mom is named passion for example#you could find a mystery or a dashing or a quiet or a resolute#how common that is varies by region and it's tied to specific cultures among tieflings#all the tieflings you see in bg3 have tiefling names and not a single virtue name in there#but constant's mom comes from a family that does it#and constant wanted to as well. they felt it was a good coming of age custom#they picked constant for steadfastness. predictability. regularity. dependability. constancy!#and because they wanted it to be a name name as well since their dad isn't from that tradition#and so having their birth name lets me kind of see who they used to be. well it's the same guy! but they're not constant Yet#they haven't committed to this specific way of living yet#they were almost curiosity. or insight maybe. something like that (in universe. me the creator i never considered anything else seriously)#but they wanted to be there for people more than to focus on discovering things#and their curiosity is so very regular it works with being reliable honestly#you know they'll touch that button and go check the weird book out and lick the spider and drink the potion. you plan for it#by the end of the adventure their companions see some strange little mystery and go 'constant. please don't touch that' by reflex#but yeah it's made me think of baby constant-who-wasn't-constant-yet#i feel weird putting the name out cause it's not a deadname but it kind of is?#they're not that kid anymore in the tiefling tradition way and in the trans way. but also they were that kid in both ways once again#anyway. my darling. constant crestridge. they didn't make it alliterative on purpose btw it just happened#wow i have an ocs tag now#bg3
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Me panicking because i have 9 missed calls and 5 emails talking about my absence and how "a colleague could take over for me" vs. Me knowing it's really not that important no matter how pushy a client is and that on top of it I'm underpaid and have way to much overtime so i shouldn't even care
#i have 14 hours overtime#collected within 2 weeks lol#you know how it's apparently mandatory for companies in germany to have a way track employees working time? yeah we're#the only company in the whole fucking country who doesn't do that (obviously that's not true there's probably plenty more but it's#still not right.) so we don't get paid overtime nor does it get acknowledged in any way#so technically we're not allowed to even it out (which most people try to do anyway because tf do they think they are asking us to work for#free) but I'm dedicated to not collect any more unpaid working hours so i take the liberty to leave work early this week#so today i left at 12pm (and then got home 4 hours later because another person decided to kill themselves by train. they should call me#first. or anyone else taking the train. I'm sure there'd be plenty of volunteers to do the killing if it means not another miserable day#stuck in a disgusting train). and i logged in again at 6pm today to see if i have anything important messages (stupid i know)#and i saw the missed calls and that there had been an email exchange with me in the cc talking about the 'changes' made in one of the#articles and that someone else could do that for me since i couldn't be reached and at first i felt ashamed and scared#but now it's honestly just pissing me off. that asshole can't write emails and communicate requests like normal people can he#he already called me last week about something completely stupid and acts like his matters are the most important shit in the world#fuck you if you can't wait one day you should have sent this a month earlier because i won't stay online everyday#just to see if there might be an 'important' change you want me to make Immediately. bitch.#also missed two calls from my colleague but she didn't send any messages about what she wanted so i asked her because i felt bad for not#being online and turns out she wanted Nothing. just hear how i was. JUST TEXT ME THEN???? I HATE IT HERE FUCK YOU#seriously i don't get paid enough for this to bother me so much. she probably gets 12-15⏠more than me per hour#of course she doesn't care about her overtime as much as i do. i get minimum wage which is less than what I'd get if i still worked at uni#as a student assistant so fuck this shit it's really not important or worth it. from now on i'll only put in minimum effort too#sorry got carried away. rant over now i guess#void screams#work stuff
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moments like this when im really glad im a sad little cynic who always considers the worst possible outcome and never lets herself truly get comfortable and trust the good things in her life to stay there and builds her life around trying to soften the blows of the eventual disappointments just waiting around the corner lol never leaving my edgy teenager era peace and love
#i mean if the alternative is whatever the fuck is going on with my best friend rn then hooooo boy#cancelling therapy immediately i never want to change i wanna keep my trust issues forever and ever if its gonna save me from THIS#is he a dick? kinda. yeah. and a coward because if dude was sure he didnt want it since AUGUST and didnt have the guts to end it till now#actually he didnt end it. she was the one who finally snapped. but we seriously fought twice before because she just woudlnt listen#when i said that girl this isnt gonna work and you trust him too much and you're attachment styles are incompatible as hell#your*#but nvm. the least you could do when a 7 years younger girl who's clearly obsessed with you is breaking up with you#cause she just cant take it anymore. and you can see she's still in love with you because you've been lying to her for half a year.#imo the least you could do at that point is just. dont tell her that jfc. just say you're sorry it didnt work out etc etc#dont fucking tell her you stopped being in love with her in fucking august#and just 'didnt know how to end it' and lied when she asked if everything's alright#like my god. yes ig this would never have happened if she hadn't trusted him so completely and expected love to fix her whole life#but jesus dude. she's not even 23 she has a right to be naive. you're almost 30. you DONT get to be a man child anymore#christ. okay.#anyway i wish i could help her but telling her to 'trust less' and 'never truly rely on other people' sounds horrible and cringe and edgy af#but i genuinely dont have any other advice#like babygirl im sorry but your bestie is a piece of human garbage and she's doing the best she can but her best is Not Much alas
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gods, why didn't i get a college degree in anything useful?
#i've known since the day it unceremoniously came in the mail that my degree is worth less than the paper it's printed on#yeah i needed to college experience for social and lersonal growth#but why couldn't i have gotten something out of it that can help me find a damn job?#what was the fucking point of going through all that?#(the social and personal growth obviously)#ahgggggg#i'm too broke and disabled to go back to school NOW#(the way i'm coping with the anxiety of waiting to hear back about the internal job i just interviewed for#is to have Officially Decided That I'll Be Rejected Out Of Hand. So What Do I Do Next?#it hurts but at least i can move forward if the worst come to pass#and it gives me something to do while i'm Waiting#ughhhhh#why couldn't i have sold my damn soul and gotten the shitty computer science degree my school had??#i remember visiting a house a friend was pet-sitting for and seeing the couple's gaming setup#and just seeing dollar signs. they both worked in computer science and made $$$#but at the time it sounded like the worst thing in the world#and i'd already changed my major once... loved what i was studying... and had my dad breathing down my neck about how much my education cost#i'm so lucky i don't have debt. thanks to my grampa. but holy hell did my dad lord that inheritance over me and make me dance for it#i don't think he ever got over grampa pulling *his* college funding bc he spent college fucking around and dropped out#couldn't wrap his head around that the narrow thing he'd trained me to be would never follow in his 'rebelious' footsteps#i beat myself up over A-'s there was no way i'd do anything other than take my grades seriously#but that was the problem. i was worried about grades and what sounded bearable to learn. not what was realistic to do with it#i wanted to get a fucking phd! with what fucking money!!!!#of course not that i had the support or the maturity to understand what it meant to choose an education that could grant me a career#but who can i blame if not myself?#dad always said i had to Go To College. there was no choice in not going. but as soon as college came he shoved me out the door#and slammed shut. how was i supposed to know what to do without him there to make me do things all of a sudden?#that took nearly a decade to learn dammit#personal
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.
#hoo boy lads Iâm going out of my mind I have so much to do and no time to do it#âyou could have planned this out betterâ Bitch I am the first person in my immediate family#who has even thought seriously about moving to a different country#and I HAVE ALREADY lived in another country before but it was within the confines of an exchange programme#nobody knows what Iâm doing this time around and therefore nobody can help me plan#Iâve been feeling burnt out since Fall of 20-goddamn-22#and last semester I learned that my masterâs degree programme cannot accommodate the thesis I want to write#life took my plans and ripped them up into millions of little pieces#and yeah you can say âtough shit. thatâs lifeâ but Iâm SO TIRED of this happening#because my whole life has been like that#âyou can make your own decisions when you have your own house/apartment/lifeâ#OKAY youâve been telling me that my whole life BUT WHEN IS IT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?#I am TRYING to take my life by the horns and make things happen but#I canât help noticing how precarious my position is#I have to drive across country hoping my only form of transportation doesnât somehow fail me#I have to set up a new life in a new country where I donât know anyone and I have never lived before#itâs like trying to build a house off the side of a cliff. one wrong move? one really bad day? and Iâm toast.#and yeah I signed up for this but itâs because IâM SO TIRED OF WAITING for things to fall into a place that would make this change easier#nothingâs getting easier! everything just keeps getting harder! and no matter how many times I keep beating my head against the wall#hoping I can make things fall into placeâŠnothing seems to change for the better. and Iâm sick of it!#they say good things come to those who wait but Iâve been waiting for twenty!! goddamn!! years!! and things are still the same#like standing water it just sits there and festers#I want to stop merely surviving and start LIVING for once#I want to *do* something but I need support and I feel bad asking for it#why is it so hard to make myself believe Iâm allowed to take up space? why is it so hard to ask for help??#maybe because Iâm worried that Iâm not allowed to take up space..and I know that when I ask for help#itâs often met with non-committal sayings and shrugs and âwell okay. you tell me what you need to do and weâll figure it out.â#maybe I donât know what I need to do! maybe I need help figuring that out! it doesnât help when all I hear is âyep. adulting is hardâ#LIKE I DIDNâT FUCKEN KNOW THAT. maybe instead of stating the obvious we could FIGURE OUT A WAY TO MOVE FORWARD?!#Iâm going absolutely out of my fucken mind
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i've been feeling a little weird lately. not quite real. reality seems fuzzy.
my head, ah. it feels like it's been stuffed into a pillow. everything is soft and muffled in this strangely oppressive (but comforting) way.
i keep having this thought that "i've been such a different person lately". i think i have. i've.. not quite felt like me. it feels off. it feels strange. but in a good way.
it feels like i'm gently floating along a river and, despite the usual pitfalls of depression (a snag of a branch or the nibble of a fish), it's felt fine.
the water is luke warm and normally i would be shivering, but i am too tired to shiver. it's that point where your body stops convulsing and gently eases into the cold. where you're glad that it stops trembling, because it became exhausting.
i just keep noticing it. (the change). i'm painfully aware of it sitting on the edge of my consciousness. it's gently waving at me. it doesn't feel malicious, but it feels out of place. (thinking about it in tangible terms like a being helps).
i feel light in the way that i feel when i no longer care about something. when i can let it go. send it off into the fog. let it fade. that sounds positive, but it's just been nothing. neither good nor bad. it's indifference.
and maybe there are some things i have stopped caring about, or have finally (subconsciously) decided to just leave and accept. "it is what it is". and for once, it just is.
the.. ache that usually accompanies that statement isn't there. it's not the *sighs hopelessly, wishing it could be different*.
i reckon i'm not making sense but my thoughts rarely do and i don't care. my brain is tired and i think it's done thinking. it's acknowledged that it is done thinking.
it's allowing for a strange sort peace. i feel calm. i wouldn't exactly call it content (but isn't it content, in a way? it is), but it feels like i could fall off the face of the earth right now and be fine. be okay. or feel nothing at all.
i could.. become a drop of water and join the puddle as a whole.
i'm buried beneath the leaves and i am happy to stay here.
it's closure.
i don't know why it feels that way or what caused this and i'm sure it'll stop feeling that way soon (hello darkness, my old friend, anyone?), but this is.. fine. for now. it's.. ah. certainly better than the alternative.
i'm sure the need and the will to struggle will arise again once the anxiety and the fear settle back in, but it could stay like this for all i care.
and i think i just realized that maybe i've just been basking in the feeling of fear leaving my body for the first time.
it's literally felt like i've been able to dislodge the metaphorical fear-stick that is constantly up my ass. just a little.
who knew not feeling afraid for once would feel like a dream? like unreality? all soft and fuzzy.
it'll be back something fierce. be nicer if it didn't.
i'd even give it a kiss goodbye if that meant it would leave me be.
anyways.
#yeah this is barely coherent. it's an uneloquent stream-of-consciousness because that's how i process#this is.. positive? i think#it's not negative for certain. just a little.. apprehensive#i.. ah? there's more i want to say but i forgot how words work#the biggest changes i've noticed is that i'm just somehow.. able to talk to people better? i'm still too scared to actually initiate#but when i have talked to people it's just felt fine and normal and natural while usually it feels anything BUT that#while i still worry. it settles in much later than it usually would. so i don't panic while i speak.#i still have the same doubts but it's been easier to say 'oh. ok. so what? what if they're playing you? what could you do about it?#why does it matter? why do you even care?' and i've just been able to. not care? since. it definitely creates some detachment but maybe#that's fine? i always got too invested in everything too quickly anyways. take everything too seriously. maybe this is good.#journal entry#personal
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birds of a feather . Û« êŁà§ .
{olympic figure skater!satoru gojo x olympic figure skater f!reader}
summary: you and satoru have known each other since childhood, two little birds navigating through life together as you shared one dream in commonâ to win gold at the olympics, you both a figure skating pair as you moved and performed and fell in love as the years went by, both balancing off a trembling tight rope and holding on to keep each other in place, a silent agreement that if you indulged and fell into the depths of the truth of what you were, youâd run the risk of losing your careers and each other, yours and satoruâs biggest fears. but youâre growing, and itâs getting harder to hold back⊠especially for satoruâ that trembling tight rope on the verge of snapping in two.
warnings: MDNI. afab!reader, childhood best friends to lovers trope, cursing, DIABOLICAL ANGST BUT WITH HAPPY ENDING I PROMISE!, mentions of death and loss, mentions of injury and blood, FLUUUFFF, satoru loves loves loves you, SMUUUTT, unprotected p in v sex (wrap it yâall), creampie, pussy eating, dom satoru, pussy drunk satoru, DIRTY TALK, pet names, figure skating, the olympics, true love <3
word count: 22.3k (I KNOW PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE PLEASEâ)
authors note: YYYOOOUUU GUUUYYSSS THIS ONE IS MY BABBBYYY AND IM CRYING NOW WRITING THIS LMFAOAOAO. i hope you all love it seriously i GLADLY worked day and night writing this and iâd do it all over again just to see yâall happy :) THANK YOU for your support it is UNREAL, and like always, I LOOVEEE YOUUU MWAAHHH <333
you first met satoru when you were six at the skating rink.
he was only a year older than you, both of your mothers coincidentally signing you up for the same youth ice skating lessons for beginners, meeting and chatting it up seeing as you and satoru were the youngest in age out of the rest of the parents there and their children, you both automatically put together by your coach and separated from the older kids to do warm ups.
and even though the age difference was only a year, satoru at first treated you like a little helpless tiny thing who needed assistance in everythingâ the cute pink ribbons in your hair doing you an injustice and further implementing the image of a little girl who had no clue of what was going on around her, thinking you were cutesy and he was determined to be your little knight in shining armor when the time came.
until he saw you skate.
what satoru didnât know, was that you were a prodigyâ related to one of the most famous ice skaters in olympic ice skating history, akira, as her talent was blessedly passed down to you through your fruitful system and the lucky processes of geneticsâ chosen as you barely even had to be taught, you catching everything right away by the coach without any sort of slip and fall⊠unlike satoru who was clumsily struggling to even glide through the ice without wobbling.
and little satoru was astonished by you and your talent, his first impression of you drastically changing by the end of the first lesson as he shakily slid across the ice over to where you were, patiently doing little turns on the ice while you waited for your mother to finish up talking to another lady (it was satoruâs mother).
âhi!â he had greeted you, a huge goofy smile on his face as you slowed down and looked at him, returning a shy smile of your own.
âhi.â
âiâm satoru!â he extended a hand, eyes shooting wide as he suddenly lost his balance and slipped forward, on the brink of face planting on the ice as his hands quickly flailed out and gripped the edge of the rink to save himself.
you giggled, tiny hands reaching and holding his arm steady as he tried to regain his balance.
âare you okay?â your shy voice asked, and he grinned through his wobbling.
âyeah! iâm okay! donât worry!â
but he still couldnât stabilize himself.
âmaybe we should sit on the bench?â you suggested sweetly. âso you donât fallâŠâ
âokay!â
you gripped him as hard as you could (which really wasnât a lot for a six year old) and slowly moved with him on the ice, supporting him until you were both out of the rink and seated on the bleachers.
âwhatâs your name?â he chirped, his hands clutching on the edge of the bench as he leaned forward and looked at you kindly, legs swinging.
âyây/n.â
ânice!â he cheesed, looking at you. âi saw you skate. youâre really good!â
âtâthank you.â you mumbled, shy and alarmed that a boy was talking to you.
âwhen did you start skating?â
you looked at him confusedly. âum.. today?â
his eyes bulged.
âhah?! today?!â
you jumped at his outburst, cheeks pink as you quickly nodded.
âwowww!âŠâ he gushed with stars in his eyes. âthatâs great! i saw you doing turns and things. i can barely move on the ice⊠itâs slippery.â
âwellââ you peeked up at him shyly. âmyâmy aunt taught me some stuff⊠but not a lot.â
âyou have someone in your family that skates?â he asked excitedly with huge blue eyes. âhow cool! hopefully i can catch up to you and at least moveâŠâ
âthatâs okay...â you smiled. âi know you will.â
âreally?!â he gushed again before leaning back, nodding his head cutely. âif you think so, then i know so!â
and you giggled at him, your timid wall slowly crumbling down at his bubbly and kind personality as he was a chatterbox and talked to you about anything that had to do with olympic ice skatingâ him knowing so much about it and nearly screaming his head off and panicking when he found out that your aunt was none other than akira, now knowing exactly why you were so good at skating in the first place.
satoru looked up to you. so much so that it was comicalâ seeking your approval over the following years during lessons and not even listening to the damn coach himself as he listened more to you, wanting you to teach him how to do bunny hops or backward crossovers and giving a big fat attitude to anyone else who tried to coach him, whining and snoring away until you and your little bows skated over to him to teach him.
and because of that you spent a lot of time with satoru in and out of lessons, even more than you ever spent with your own friends at school as you clung to him at all timesâ him cheering and encouraging you on when you were shy in certain situations, and you teaching him everything you could about skating and bringing him little bags of strawberry gummy puffs since he had the biggest sweet tooth you had ever seen, you both cemented and stubbornly attached to the hip with neither wanting to let go.
and when your motherâs planned a little playdate at the local outdoor ice skating rink on a chilly december dayâ an enormous christmas tree sitting tall and glorious by the rink with twinkling star-shaped fairy lights and jingle bells surrounding the plaza, you and satoru spinning each other around and dancing and giggling over the murmur of classic christmas songs, they saw the potential⊠an idea sparking in their heads amongst their cooing and picture taking.
you and satoru were both originally put into the ice skating world to train and be independent professional skaters, olympic athletes to be more specific when the time came.
but that concept quickly changed the second you met.
nowâ you and satoru were an olympic ice skating pair, the subject materializing when your motherâs pulled you out from those simple ice skating lessons (you both already way past getting the basics down since your skill combined with you teaching satoru had you both surpassing the class) and paying for a professional couples figure skating coach to get you guys started now and early.
and the both of you were over the moon, especially satoru, as he absolutely adored you and begged his mother literally every fucking day if he could go over to your house or over to the ice skating rink with you to dance, you doing the same and the two of you crying and wailing on the floor whenever times wouldnât work out and plans fell through, your motherâs having to give in and drag you to each otherâs houses so you would both stop crying.
when akira found out you were officially figure skating, she nearly drove into the side of a building speeding over to your house from being out of the country for so long competing.
âis it true?!â she burst through the doors, your mother rolling her eyes after being startled half to death over her bizarre behavior. âis my little niece gonna be a figure skater like me?!â
you gasped excitedly upon seeing her, getting up from your spot on the rug and running over to akiraâs open arms, leaving your coloring book and crayons behind as she swung you around.
âshe started when she was six you know thatâŠâ your mother grumbled, folding various kitchen towels.
âbut you just told me now that sheâs not independent!â akira countered, setting you down and holding you out at arms length, eyes wide and eager. ââbut partner figure skating! like me!â
she shook you. âwhere is he?! your partner! is he here? is he your age? is he nice?â
you perked up and looked over to the kitchen. âoh mommy! satoru should come and meetââ
âhis name is satoru? oh my goodness how cuteeee!â she cooed, pinching your cheeks. âis he handsome? do you like him? do you have a crush on himââ
your little cheeks blazed as your mother threw a kitchen towel at her.
âsheâs eight aki! jesus christ.â
âlove has no limits.â akira wiggled a finger, and you giggled.
your mother called satoruâs place soon after, his mother excitedly conversing over the other line about how the akira was finally back in town and how satoru was gonna lose his mind once he saw herâ you knowing he was the biggest fan and sometimes told you facts during lessons that you didnât even know about your own aunt.
and when they finally did arrive, satoru was stiffâ frozen in place with tight arms at his sides by the living room as his alarmed big blue eyes looked at akira with a sickly pale face, you snickering behind him.
âhi satoru!â akira greeted, leaning down with her hands on her knees to look at him at eye level. âitâs nice to meet you! y/n tells me you like my skating?â
âuâuhuh.â he responded dumbly, and you slapped a hand over your mouth to stop yourself from laughing, knowing satoru would cry and whine about it later if he heard you.
âthatâs great! iâm happy you skate too⊠and with my niece i should say!â she spoke kindly, ruffling his snowy colored hair up and standing upright, placing her hands on her hips and looking like a straight freaking superhero in satoruâs eyes. âyou wanna compete in the olympics?â
âuh huh.â
a laughing breath hurled from your throat and your cheeks puffed up like a squirrel, clasped hands still over your mouth and face going red from how hard you were trying to keep it in.
âthatâs what i like to hear.â she smiled, a shiny impressive one as satoru still stood there in a stuck daze.
âwork hard okay? the both of you. so you can catch up to me someday, yeah?â
your hands slowly fell from your mouth then, eyes filled with admiration and determination as you both eagerly nodded, looking at each other hopefully.
âyou thinkââ satoru stammered, looking at akira. âyou think we can⊠win three gold medals like you?â
âoh absolutely!â she shrugged. âi donât doubt it at all.â
you and satoru gushed, glittering little eyes as you stared up cutely at akira, her giving you both a silly grin.
âhow long have they been doing partner work?â she asked your mother suddenly, watching the way you and satoru chattered then excitedly about the actual possibility of competing for the olympics someday.
âmmm, i wanna say for about a year and a half? maybe two?â she looked over at satoruâs mother, who nodded in agreement. âtheyâre with a coupleâs figure skating coach right now.â
akira hummed and shifted her gaze back down between the two of you.
âiâm training them from now on.â
both mothers froze, eyes wide as they stared at her.
you and satoru hadnât even realized what she said, still caught up in your little bubble of the olympics and metals and competitions until your mother caught your attention.
âdid you hear?â
you shook your head. âhear what!â
âakira wants to coach you and satoru.â
his jaw dropped and he nearly passed out on the floor, you quickly grabbing his shoulders as he reeled over.
âareâ are you sure?â your mother continued, looking at her sister now. âarenât you busy? i thought you were only here for the weekend.â
she waved her off. âi need a break from skating for a little⊠at least until the next olympics.â
akira turned to you then and smiled warmly. âand i wanna coach my little niece and her new buddy! if thatâs okay?â
âyesyesyesyes!ââ
both you and satoru bounced up and down and cheered, arms up as you tackled and hung off of akira like a jungle gym, her laughing and smiling big at your enthusiasm.
akira was the most important figure in your life, right next to satoru as she became a mother figure to the both of you as well as your mentor.
and training with her was not easyâ your age not an excuse at all whatsoever in her eyes to not learn proper figure skating moves and technique, saying it would only serve you right in the end if you started adapting your bodies to it now rather than later.
and like most things, akira was right. but even though practices were grueling and tough to the point where you had to drag satoru across the ice to get up, she always tried to make them fun in the endâ cracking jokes and teaching you guys silly little tricks that you could do with each other on the ice that she figured out over her years of skating with her partner, taking you both out for ice cream frequently after and telling you of her travels competing around the world, the people sheâd met, and the titles sheâd wonâ all things that were you and satoruâs ultimate dream as you listened eagerly.
by the time you were twelve and satoru was thirteen, it was obvious you guys were meant to be olympic athletes together.
âyou need to pick your leg a little further up on the spin, toru.â
he stuck his tongue out. âsays who.â
âsays me.â you poked his cheek. âand iâm pretty sure aki told you before she left too.â
âyes maâam!â he nodded, gliding a bit further away from you on the ice before picking his momentum up and reaching you, him bending his knees and wrapping his arms around your torso as you both went into fast spins, one leg extended for the both of you as your arms gripped over his shouldersâ practicing the routine akira had given you for your upcoming competition.
âyeah like that!â you smiled, spins gradually slowing down and satoru coming back up from his bend until you both stood still on the ice. âgood job toru!â
he grinned and ruffled your hair. âthanks!â
âmhm!â you responded, turning and skating away to the edge of the rink to hide the blush that was rising in your cheeks.
âwhat?!â he whined. âwhere are you going? do i stink?â
âno!â you laughed, shaking your head. âjust the usual sweat and B.O.â
âaw no!â he quickly skated to the edge of the rink and out before flying for his duffel bag. âi hate being a man i hate puberty this is ridiculousââ
âiâm kidding im kidding!â you called from across the ice, cackling when he stopped and whipped his head over, glaring at you. âyouâre fine toruâ not stinky.â
âwell youâre stinky for putting me in distress how about that?â he huffed, an eventual smile playing at his lips as he put down his duffel bag and went inside the rink again.
akira was currently on her way to compete at the olympics for her fourth gold medal in partner figure skating, you and satoru having no doubt in your minds that she was going to absolutely clear everyone else there and get it, as sheâs never gotten silver or bronze or anything lower than that.
âwhen do we fly to see aki again?â satoru called from across the ice, gliding to and fro in figure eights. âdonât say tomorrow morning because i havenât started packing yet heh⊠oops.â
you giggled. âit is tomorrow morning, dummy.â
âno!â he stopped and shoved his hands in his hair. âi havenât even started planning my outfits! oh i was gonna take so many pictures what am i supposed to do nowââ
you laughed loudly and skated back over to him, hands wrung behind your back as you looked at him cheekily. âyouâre silly toru. outfits for what? literally just show up.â
âitâs not everyday we leave the country y/n!â he whined. âi wanted to sport my best and look cool, dang it.â
you playfully rolled your eyes and lifted your hand, patting his head.
âiâll show up in pajamas and you show up in yours, and weâll call it a day. hm?â
he grinned.
âmatching? or seperate? and what color? plaid?â
âtoru!â
he laughed and skated past you, nudging your shoulder with his in the process. âiâm just messing with youuu, matching obviously!â
satoru came back around, reached up and straightened the ribbons in your hair, little white bows sitting pretty as a blush rose to his cheeks when he was done.
âwanna run it three more times and call it?â he suggested. âi wanna make sure i get what you told me down before we go.â
you smiled and quickly nodded, taking satoruâs extended hand and skating together to first position.
watching akira win gold in person for the first time in your life was an experience youâll never forget.
and she did it fucking beautifully.
with every precise move, with every articulate angle you and satoru screamed and yelled like crazy people in front of the rink while waving around your countries tiny flags, cheering with fat tears rolling down your faces when she successfully landed each time, holding each other so tight with mushed up cheeks throughout her routine with her partner and still in anxiousness when the time came for revealing final scores.
no one could skate like her. absolutely no one as she speedily glided across the ice and spun, prepped herself for the hardest most impressive turns you had ever seen in your life, and performed a quadruple axel rotation in the air all on her ownâ things that have always earned her the highest scores for three successive olympic years.
and four nowâ because when akira and her partner stepped up on that podium, you and satoru had to basically be yanked back by your mothers with the way you both tried to jump over the edge of the rink to her, her standing there like a beacon of light on the first place podium, a gold medal hung rightfully around her neck with flowers in her arms as she smiled so so big and happily, her eyes not once leaving you and satoru.
eventually when the ceremony was over, amongst all of the buzz and the crowd roaring and picture takingâ akira quickly skated over to the two of you and leaned on the edge of the rink.
âakiiii!â you both wailed and flung your arms around her neck, her giggling and hugging you both back as best as she possibly could despite the mass amount of bouquets in her hands.
âdid i do okay?!â she yelled over the noise.
you both pulled back and looked at her like she was insane.
âdid you do okay?!â you gawked.
âakiâ you won a fucking gold medal!â satoru yelled.
âHAH!â she laughed loudly. âdonât say that word in front of your mommy satoru sheâll chop my head off and kill me!â
you both giggled uncontrollably.
akira leaned her head in then and you and satoru followed through, all three foreheads resting against each others.
âlisten to me for a second.â she started. âyou guys are birds of a feather, okay? you need to stick together and fly together as one.â
she let you both go and dropped the bouquets she was holding on the icy floor before placing a hand on yours and satoruâs outer cheeks, bringing you in. âdonât fight. donât separate. donât leave each other. you need to keep each other and what you have safe.â
you both quickly nodded, tears funnily gathering at the corners of your eyes at what she was saying, and she smiled.
âyes partner figure skating is about chemistry and technicality, but itâs about love⊠and sometimes just that. without genuine love, nothing will click.â she let your cheeks go and grabbed her shiny gold medal, holding it up. âthis will be yours. i promise you.â
akira put down her medal, wiping both yours and satoruâs wet cheeks. âbirds of a feather. stick together. keep each other safe. do you understand?â
the two of you sniffled and nodded.
âand i need to stop cussing in front of you guys during practices, donât i?!â she smiled warmly, and you and satoru shook your heads frantically.
âno keep doing it!ââ
âitâs funny please!ââ
ever since akira told you that, it became you and satoruâs thing.
before and after every competition, with every hello and every goodbye at the beginning and end of the day, throughout the hours randomly whenever you both felt like it, youâd lock pinkies and reiterate âbirds of a featherâ before kissing your thumbs and locking your promise in placeâ another one of the many other ways youâd show that you loved each other.
but whether it was platonically or romantically remained unknown until you both hit high school.
perhaps it had always been romantically⊠that you werenât exactly sure of. but the way you and satoru had been treating each other since you were literally the age of six, made the technicalities of what it was blurry and a little confusingâ for you couldnât even remember when it was that you started loving satoru.
maybe it was that very first day when he skated over to you, wobbly and clumsy with a cheesy smile.
and as if it wasnât already confusing enough of what the two of you were, the way you acted made it ten times worse.
but youâd been that way since foreverâ embracing each other a little longer than you should, innocently kissing each others cheeks and heads and hands, calling each other pet names and being each otherâs dates to every single school danceâ
but it was all harmless. not a single bad thought behind it and doing it like a reflex.
it was like you both were line balancing across the thinnest tight rope known to mankindâ flimsy and unsteady, always on the verge of toppling over and falling completely into the darkening depths of the truth of what you were, but catching each other just before you did to regain balance back on the rope.
neither of you said it, but if you and satoru ever dared to be anything more than friends, and if something were to happen where you had to break upâ youâd lose your first love, your best friend, and your entire career all in one.
the consequences were too drasticâ you both knew that.
and you didnât want to break your promise⊠so you acted blind to it.
by the time you were seventeen and satoru was eighteen, akira started training you for the international skating union competition to earn a spot for the olympics.
wellâ she actually started when you were about fourteen, but as the years progressed, her coaching and critiques got increasingly more difficult and nitpicky as well as the moves she taught you, wanting you both to build endurance to it and perfect it so that by the time you reached the age requirement for the olympicsâ it would be easier to train for it and be formidable competitors against the other pairs.
you and satoru wanted to be olympians more than anything else in your lives, and akira knew just how important this was for the both of youâ making it her absolute mission to help accomplish solely that as she saw herself through the two of you.
your dreams were just like hers, and she respected and nurtured the fact with everything that she had.
âup! aaand up! and take herâ throwâ land oh shitââ
just as you had landed a semi complex throw jump, you lost balance and landed right on your ass, sliding across the ice on your side.
it was rare when you fell, and you absolutely despised when you did.
âfuck!â satoru quickly skated over to you and knelt down. âare you okay?!â
âwhy canât i land that man?â you whined, covering your eyes.
akira smoothly traveled over to you both.
âitâs okay! we just learned it today sweets likeâ right now⊠youâll have it down in the next five minutes.â satoru smiled softly, carefully helping you up on your skates and checking you over.
âdonât overly punish yourself, y/n.â akira reached and pinched your cheek. âi love that youâve always been so serious about your technique, but you have to leave room for error my love or else youâll choke yourself out.â
satoru ran a soothing hand along your back and you smiled cutely up at him, his heart jittering so much from it that he had to quickly retract his arm.
you nodded, always taking satoruâs and akiraâs words seriously like inscriptions to a stone wall. âokay!â
he grinned and kissed the side of your head before taking your hand and leading you to first position like always.
akira smirked.
âare you guys together yet!â she blurted from across the ice and you both choked as she skated over.
âare weâ are weââ you stammered.
âwhat?â she breathed out, placing her hands on her hips. âare you at least in love?â
satoruâs blue eyes bulged open with a furious pink tint to both of your cheeks.
âaki!â you whined, embarrassed. âstop itââ
âhave you guys at least gone on one date?â
satoru pouted. âno.â
âiâmââ you played with your fingers. âiâm going on one todayââ
âyouâre what?!â he whipped his head in your direction, eyebrows furrowed.
âyeahâŠâ you looked at him. âiâve never gone on one and some guy at school asked me so iâ i just thoughtââ
you thought itâd do you some good, since the one you wanted you couldnât really have.
âare you actually..?â satoru trailed off, an unfamiliar strike of something in his chest making him a little upset.
but he knew damn well what it was.
âbutââ akira stared at you wide eyed, pointing at satoru. âbut itâsâ itâs supposed to beââ
âaki!â satoru quickly grabbed her arm and lowered it, eyes snapping to you next. âis it that one guy you told me about? from your english class?â
âuh huh.â you fidgeted. âhe asked me again and i felt bad saying no so iâ said yesâŠâ
satoru swallowed, nodding.
âoh you big dummies!â akira groaned. âweâll talk about this later or else iâm gonna go into fucking cardiac arrest from frustrationââ
she skated off to the edge of the rink and out, leaning on it from the outside with her head dramatically hung.
you both got into starting position, but you faltered when you noticed satoru was oddly quiet and stiff.
ââŠtoru?â
he blinked down at you. âhuh?â
âyou okay?â
âoh!â yeah.â he smiled weakly. âiâm fine baby.â
âyou sureââ
âwhat time is your date?â
you gnawed at the inside of your cheek. âitâs a bit after this... i told him to just give me time to shower and get ready.â
âif he canât accept you stinky then heâs not for you.â he shook his head in distaste. âheâs already failing in my eyes sweets absolutely flunking. maybe you should cancel it? yeah i say cancel itââ
you laughed, heart in your throat as your eyes gleamed up at him. âi can barely accept you stinky so i wouldnât blame himââ
âhey!â he placed an exaggerated hand on his chest. âitâs not my fault i literally put my heart and soul out on the ice just for you to skate all over meââ
you gasped offendedly. âi donât skate all over youââ
âdo too!â
âdo not!â
âdo toââ
âyou guys!â akira called. âyou know i love it when you guys love on each other it makes me so happy and envision your wedding but right now we have to grind!â
you both froze up and snapped your heads in her direction with red faces, whining.
âaakkiii!ââ
you practiced what you had of the routine a couple of more times, a few new moves and jumps added after each run until akira called it a day upon noticing you and satoru were practically sweating your asses off and messing up several times out of exhaustion.
âgood job today you guys!â she smiled, patting you both on your shoulders. âi feel like the next time we meet weâll have the choreography down... from there we just need to perfect it and you should be good for the next competish, okay?â
you both nodded and thanked her, sweet smiles on your faces as she reached up and pinched a side of both your cheeks.
âmy little babies.â she cooed. âoh how youâve grown! you guys were so little when we started now satoru is huge man jesus christââ
she lifted her hand and reached up to measure satoruâs height from his forehead, her passing it over the top of her head and eyes widening at the huge gap.
he laughed and puffed up his chest. âi got big and strong too aki see?â he flexed an arm. âsee? eh?â
âthat you did!â she laughed brightly, ruffling up his hair. âthe strongest.â
you giggled and skated over to the edge of the rink to pack up, internally panicking a little that you guys went overtime and it was almost time for your date.
âsatoru..â akira whispered, looking over her shoulder to make sure you werenât listening. âwhatâs going on? you still havenât asked her out? i thought you said you were gonna do it.â
âno..â he mumbled. âbut we canât. and she knows that too soâ so what am i supposed to doââ
she gawked. âdo you not see whatâs happening?! sheâs gonna go on a date with someone else! off with this stupid fear you guys have already seriously.â
âwe caanâtt aki.â he pushed sadly. âitâs too risky.â
âbut itâs not though!â she threw her arms out. âyou guys have known each other since practically birth i feel like if it wasnât meant to be you wouldâve separated by now!â
satoru gnawed at his bottom lip in thought, eyes trained to the way your bows moved in your hair as you swung your duffel bag over yourself, smiling softly once he realized you had kindly packed his things for him too as you sat on the bench and waited for him to take you home.
akira sighed.
âitâs not my place to tell you guys what to do⊠but love has no limits. you know that.â
he nodded, smiling weakly at her as they skated out of the rink and prepared to lock up, akira hugging you both goodbye with a family kiss to your cheeks and you separating ways with her for the day, but not before her reminding you guys of practice tomorrow and that she loved you over her shoulder.
satoru was dreading you going on your date as he droveâ the both of you normally talking about random things like always but his mind unable to stray from the fact that you were actually giving some random dingbat a chance.
it was rare when either of you would talk to or date other people, never even as your heads have always been so focused on figure skating and competitions⊠but also on each otherâ taking care and loving one another that you never needed anybody else since you were everything to satoru and satoru to you, and you were both confident that absolutely no one could ever step up to that level.
so why were you going on a date?
but he shouldnât be like this. he knew that. there was a silent agreement between the two of you to never fall off that thin tight rope and keep each other balanced. and you were allowed to see and date whoever you wantedâ something that he probably should do as well to try and get over the fact that youâd never really be his.
satoru pulled up to your driveway and shifted his gear into park.
âthank you toru!â you smiled sweetly, leaning over and pressing a kiss to his cheek.
âyouâre welcome.â he murmured. âcan iâ can i come in with you? and hang while you get ready?â
you quirked a brow. âi thought thatâs what we were already doing silly.â
âokay well invite me woman!â you both got out of the car and walked up the steps to your front door. âyou canât just assume. what if i was busy? what if i also had a date? hm?â
you gave him a sly grin as you twisted in your keys to unlock the door. âdo you?â
â⊠no.â
you giggled and pushed open the door, the both of you immediately clasping your hands over your mouths to keep your laughs in at the sight of your mother sprawled out on the couch dead asleep with drool coming out of her mouth, the tv softly playing in the background as you quietly shut the door, went up the stairs and into your room.
satoru sat on your desk chair lazily while you quickly hopped in the shower to get ready for your stupid date, staring at the framed photographs on your nightstand that all consisted of you and him over the years, smiling softly at his favoriteâ a picture of the two of you when you were babies, cheek to cheek with huge smiles at the park as you held ice cream cones in each of your hands, satoru more than sure akira was the one who took that picture.
the sound of your door clicking shut pulled him from his thoughts as you walked in, drying your pretty hair with your little fuzzy towel and throwing it in the hamper once you were done.
âoh! i was gonna show you! i got these ribbons the other dayââ you got down on your knees and looked under your bed, sticking a hand in and pulling out a white box as you picked it up and shuffled with your knees closer to satoruâ sitting back on your ankles.
ââi was running out of ribbon so i got these!â you held up the box and satoru took it, examining the various pastel colors with warm eyes. âsome of them are polka dotted and i thought that was cute.â
âit is sweets!â he agreed.
satoru loved the ribbons in your hair, and youâd always wear them without fail because you knew just how much he did.
âi wanna start wearing bows too.â he wiggled his eyebrows, and you giggled.
âare you saying you wanna steal my brand toru?â you picked up a blue roll of ribbon from the box, a color that matched satoruâs eyes. âthought you were an honest man?â
he gasped. âi am an honest man! is it not obvious enough when i help you with your math homework? when i sacrifice my dignity and text you answers during your tests?â
you giggled and unrolled a strand of ribbon. ânot when you eat all of my sweets that you actively dig through my room forââ
âbut theyâre always the strawberry gummy puffs!â he whined. âthey make me a slut.â
you playfully rolled your eyes and stood, grabbing your little scissors and snipping off a piece of blue ribbon from the roll, stepping in front of satoru and leaning.
âwatcha doing?â he asked, placing his hands on your waist.
âiâm putting a little bow in your hair before i leave!â
he hummed. âdonât think itâll look as good on me as they do on you.â
you blushed, taking little pieces of white hair from the top of his head and wrapping the ribbon around, tying it the same way youâve been doing for yourself since you were the age of nine.
you took a step back once you were finished and laughed. âyou look cute toru!â
he raised a silly brow. âdo i still look big and strong?â
âbig and strong and prettyââ
âplease donât go.â
you stilled.
âwhat?â
satoru looked down, his bangs hiding his gorgeous eyes as he did.
âon your date.â he mumbled. âdonât go.â
you placed your hands softly on his shoulders, and his hold tightened a little around your waist.
âwhy?â
âbecause like i said if he doesnât accept you stinky then he canât have you when you smell like vanillaââ
âtoru...â you spoke sternly, softly. âwhy not?â
you didnât know why you were pushing it so much⊠maybe you were trying to see if you could get it out of himâ if he had the will to actually say it unlike youâŠ
and you hoped to god he would say it.
he slowly lifted his head and propped his chin up on your tummy, a sour expression on his face as he puckered his lips to the side like a little fish.
âdunnoâŠâ he muttered, his gaze flickering to yours and a sense of guilt swarming his chest at the uneasy look you had, his face relaxing as he sighed.
âsorry.â he smiled sheepishly, pulling back and letting go of your waist. âiâm kidding you have every right toââ
âmânot going.â you mumbled as you slid your hands away, looking down and playing with your fingers.
âhuh?â he furrowed his brows. âno baby go you should goââ
âi donât want to.â
you never did in the first place. you had foolishly thought that letting someone else in like this would be good for you and help you establish some sort of⊠barrier with satoru so you werenât always suffering so fucking much.
but you were absolutely stupid for that.
all youâve ever wanted was satoru, and doing something to pull you away from the type of relationship you had with him (whether platonic or romantic you had no freaking clue), was not only hurting you, but hurting him.
you didnât need anyone else, truly. all you needed was satoru and his silly smile and dramatic anticsâ to spend time with just him and skate and eat dinner together after practices every night while watching horror movies, laughing so much over his screams that your stomach hurt while he whined about how you were making fun of him.
thatâs all you needed⊠just satoru.
regardless if there was something more in question.
âyou donât want to?â he repeated softly. âwhy?â
âyou know why, toruâŠâ
you had said it so softly he barely caught it, but he did, his breath hitching in his throat.
that was the closest you two had ever gotten to acknowledging it.
you both were silent for a moment, the soft murmur of your tv downstairs filling the void as you looked at each other, tense and waiting for either of you to say something⊠anything.
but it was like the gravity of the foreseeable consequences settled onto your shoulders, and the pair of you could only sadly smile.
satoru stuck his pinky finger out towards you then.
âbirds of a feather?â he murmured.
you breathed out a little through your nose and looped your pinky with his, nodding.
âbirds of a feather.â
he kissed his thumb and you did the same before locking the promise.
for the rest of the night, you and satoru watched a bunch of shitty unknown movies to try and see who would break and laugh firstâ you feeling bad that you had to cancel so last minute on that guy from your english class, but not regretting it at all as you watched satoru scarf down two slices of pizza in one sitting and nearly throw up, you almost falling off the bed from laughing so much and him having to catch you midway down and pull you back up, saying that he was your hero and therefore you should give him your last stash of strawberry gummy puffs as a reward.
it was nearly two am when you and satoru finally settled down, both sprawled over each other on the bed as you stared up at the ceiling and talked about literally anything that came to your mindsâ stubbornly fighting off sleep for whatever unknown reason in the dark.
âyou know this is akiâs last olympics right?â you spoke softly, your arm propped up as you watched the way satoru played with your fingers.
âyeah..â he replied. âi donât really know how to feel about that.â
âme neither.â you shook your head. âbut she said it came at a perfect time because sheâd been wanting to retire for a while.â
and now it was yours and satoruâs turn to try and fill the legacy she had built.
he hummed, delicately interlacing your fingers together as the outline of it through the darkness made you blush and smile, the nooks between his digits blessedly made entirely just for you as your fingers slotted perfectly in each spot every time.
and satoru silently vowed for the millionth time in his life that he would always be your hero and keep you safe, a promise that was already tied into your birds of a feather contract, but needing to repeat it to himself anyways while he listened to the sound of your voice talk about your excitement for the upcoming olympics.
and my god were you excited, the both of youâ looking forward to seeing akira gracefully take home her fifth fucking gold medal like she always did with no repercussions, seeing her fans and the mass amounts of support she got every year with bouquets and teddy bears and picture taking, but also looking forward to spending even more time with herâ for not just practices⊠but for forever, even more than you already did now as you two were greedy and just loved akira.
you were looking forward to forever, the three of you.
until akiraâs accident.
âoh my god iâm gonna throw upââ
satoru hurled over just as you both stepped onto the bleachers at the olympic arena, you laughing and placing supporting hands on his shoulders as you followed your mother and satoruâs to your designated place by the front.
âtoru i told you youâd make yourself sick if you didnât leave that damn dessert table alone.â
âthere were cinnamon rolls baby. cinnamon rolls how on earth could i possibly just walk by a platter of cinnamon rollsââ
âokay!â you giggled, carefully leading him to sit down and ruffling his hair once you settled. âi get it! you love cinnamon rolls.â
ânot as much as i love youââ
âyuck!â you stuck your tongue out and pushed him away by his cheek, him laughing loudly as he shooed your arm away and grinned.
âtoruâ this is the last time weâre gonna be sitting here in the bleachers watching aki.â you mentioned. âisnât that fucking nuts?â
ânow iâm gonna cry and throw up.â
âno!â you giggled and nudged his shoulder. âthen youâll make me cry.â
he smiled and leaned over to plant a quick kiss to your cheek, reaching up and fixing the bows in your hair before looking straight ahead, his sparkling blue eyes staring at the rink.
the crowd roared suddenly and a mix of big and tiny flags of several individual countries waved in the air as you and satoru jumped and screamed when akira glided out with her skates and glittery dress, a huge dazzling smile on her face as she waved at the crowd, her eyes scanning around quickly before they finally landed on you and satoru.
as if she wasnât already smiling enough, it grew bigger at the sight of you both practically over the fucking rink calling her name, her blowing you both a kiss and connecting her hands together to form a little bird, fluttering it up funnily and making you laugh before spinning around and going to starting position with her partner.
âoh sheâs gonna wipe again.â satoru breathed out. âwipe absolute buttcheeks.â
you cackled as you both watched her routineâ incredibly fast paced and technical, filled with spins and throw jumps and lifts as she made it known that it was her last year and wanted to leave with a mark, you and satoru absolutely mesmerized by the choreography as a dramatic symphony of a classical piece drummed through your ears by the speakers.
each move was executed beautifully, you and satoru at the edge of your damn seats as akiraâs partner lifted her by the arms to settle over his shoulders into a split formationâ halfway through the routine already.
âmaybe we could do a move like that for when we compete!â you suggested over the music. âi feel like technically it couldââ
a hand flew over your mouth as you watched akira topple and slam to the ground upon coming down from her split lift, the spinning blade of her partner slicing through her abdomen as her head nastily collided with the iceâ the crowd screaming in terror.
âoh my god!ââ your chest moved frantically and you and satoru looked at each other, horrified faces as you watched the backside of her limp body on the ground surrounded by paramedics, her partner hovering over her in complete and absolute distress.
and there was so much blood.
blood that pooled all around her figure and stained her shimmering dress, blood that wouldnât stop fucking spreading as a stretcher finally made it out on the ice.
âbaby.â satoruâs voice shook. âwhy isnât aki moving.â
âiâ i donât knowââ
âaki!â
you both snapped out of your shocked daze and screamed over the rink and jumped, shoes slipping against the ice as the two of you tried to reach her through your panicked tears and calls, security speeding through and pulling you both back as you watched the paramedics lift her frail body onto the stretcher and away from the rink.
âthatâsââ you sucked in a sharp sob. âthatâs my aunt please let us goââ
âyou need to stay out of the rinkââ
âfuck you!â
satoru shoved security away and grabbed your arm, wishing you had your skates on as you both practically crawled over to where akira was being carried out, not giving a single shit about the way your mothers yelling demanded you back as security had to literally pull you and satoru by the ankles, further and further away from the scene and away from akira until the only thing left was her pool of sickly crimson blood in front of you, you and satoru wailing.
akira died at the hospital later that night.
the collision of her head against the ice brought such blunt force trauma that it caused irreversible brain damage, and with the amount of blood that she was already losing from the laceration of the bladeâ those elements combined didnât give her a single fighting chance at survival, her fate sealed from the moment her body hit the ground.
it was completely unexpected⊠an incident like that had never happened in not just olympic partner figure skating, but figure skating competitions as a wholeâ the severity of the situation so grave that the complex move akira and her partner performed that led to her death was banned from the olympics moving forward.
and you and satoru were fucking ruined.
ruined and crying and clutching over her arms and hands at her hospital bedside, it scaringly cold and stiff and not her usual warmth at all as you couldnât accept that this was your reality, that akira had left you both all alone after not only her initial familial love that youâd gotten since birth, but after nearly a decade of giggles and skating, her picking you both up from school and cussing up a storm because it made you and satoru laugh as kids, buying you ice cream and taking you out for beach days because she said the sun was good for your skin, harassing you and taking a million pictures of the two of you as she uttered over and over again that love had no limitsâ your dream of forever with her cruelly severed over the sport you all loved most.
yours and satoruâs mentor, friend, your fucking mother figureâ was gone.
your aunt was gone. your own blood.
the entirety of that bullshit situation sort of settled into your minds by the time her funeral cameâ painfully holding back tears as your family members gave their speeches and final wishes before the lowering of her casket, you and satoru not saying a single word throughout the entire thing until it was just you and him standing in front of her grave siteâ your mothers waiting for you in their cars.
you both chose not to give speeches. you couldnât.
âtoru.â you sniffled, drowning in your tears as satoru strained to keep his back, lips pulled into a thin line.
âyes pretty.â
âthis is so fucked.â
satoru breathed out a weak laugh and let a couple of tears slip down his cheeks, wiping them with the sleeve of his black suit as he grabbed your hand and interlaced your fingers, squeezing it.
âdiabolically fucked.â he responded.
there really wasnât much you could say at that moment in time, the two of you staring at the carvings on her tombstone as the wind softly blew over the petals of her flowers and letters, the day cloudy and cold and just fucked as you silently choked back sobs and whimpers, satoru lamely trying his best to stay strong for youâ be your hero as he pulled you into his chest and squeezed you with everything that he had, nose buried in your hair as his tears fell and dampened a few strands.
âbirds of a feather, toru.â you spoke softly, both of your frames shaking as the saying itself came from none other than akira.
he firmly nodded, lifting his head and kissing your cheek twice hard before looking at you.
âbirds of a feather sweets.â his red teary eyes made your heart ache. âyou canât leave me too, okay?â
you scoffed and wiped your eyes, a sad smile on your face. âi could never⊠you know that.â
it didnât really get easier from there, as everything in your lives reminded you of akira.
and though your mother was grieving the loss of her sister, she wanted to be left alone, and the only person that really understood the level of mourning you were on was satoruâ him always there in the blink of an eye when you would call him in the middle of the night crying your eyes out while he held you, or when broken sobs wrecked through satoruâs trembling body as he cried into your chest while you held him and vice versa, endless amounts of âi miss herâsâ and âbring her backâsâ as you took turns depending on the day rolling on the floor unable to physically breathe over the loss as you tried to anchor each other back to normalcy, wondering how the world could be so cruel and continue spinning when youâd just lost half of your hearts.
but it did. it continued to spin and turn and carry on as you and satoru day by day tried to patch over what happened, be there for each other and heal each other as you graduated high school and caught up with satoru in college, still together and still in your stupid limbo of âis there something moreâ except worse, and still inseparable three years later after akiraâs passing.
it didnât hurt any less, but the days definitely got easier⊠some harder than others as the time you spent with her became cherished distant memories, feeling eternally grateful for the way she raised and took care of you, for the work she had done, and for the legacy she had built for figure skating olympians around the world.
and because akira was so good and taught you both just as so, satoru and you had a little name of your own as youâve been sweeping competitions since the age of thirteen, ninety eight percent unbeatable and competitive as other pairs always knew who you were the minute you stepped onto the ice, eager and curious to see if you would make it into the olympics when the time came just like your mentor had done.
some deemed it cheatingâ unfair due to the fact that you had a four-time gold medalist olympian training you since childhood, but that assumption quickly diminished after her passing when you both continued to wipe competitions and take trophies home purely based on your talent.
and you both agreed to continue your careers without a coach, a decision that didnât even need to be thought twice overâ and you were twenty and satoru twenty one when the time drew near to try for the olympics.
finally.
âmy legs are gonna fall off and my balls are gonna droop to the icy floor if you donât give me a kiss right now.â
âtoru!â you giggled loudly, pushing his face away as he puckered up his lips and made obnoxious kissy noises, pulling you in by the waist. âtoru focus weâre on a time crunchââ
âtime crunch where?â he whined, stomping his blade down on the ice. âweâve been at it for so long already iâm cold iâm thirsty and i think we should go to that cute christmas festival patch thing you told me aboouuttt!â
âright now?â you asked. âi donât know toru⊠i had a set goal for us tonight and if we donât get itââ
âoh you damn perfectionist.â he scowled, letting you go and quickly skating to starting position. âfine.â
you gave him a knowing smile and skated over to his dramatic sulking figure, kissing his cheek softly and wringing your arms around his neck, pulling him in.
âletâs run it three more times and then we can go to the festival, okay?â
he jumped up like a little kid, eyes hyper and wild. âreally? honestly? truly?â
you nodded, gleaming up at him.
âis this a prank?â
âjesus toru youâre making me think iâm keeping you hostage here with how excited you areââ
âyiiippeeeee!ââ he grabbed your upper thighs and lifted you before spinning on the ice, the both of you laughing as he roughly turned until he gradually came to a stop, big goofy smiles on your faces as he did so.
satoru loosened his hold as you slowly slid down against his body, faces close and lovesick as his half lidded eyes looked at you, lips stinging to plant directly over yours after so many years of hopeless pining and avoidance, still refusing to acknowledge the situation, but it glaringly obvious at this point.
âwhat?â you whispered, your eyes fixed on his lips as your blades touched the ice again.
he softly shook his head, blue eyes greedily drinking in your pretty face as he retracted a hand from your waist and brushed his palm over your hair adoringly, hand raising to cup your cheek gently.
was he about to�
you swallowed, hands gripping his black t-shirt as you waited⊠anxious, hoping that he would do what you thought he was about to do.
but satoru squeezed his eyes shut in a grimace and quickly kissed the corner of your mouth before turning his back to you and skating to starting positionâ leaving you incredibly dumbfounded and disappointed.
satoruâs skin felt like it was on fucking fire as he looked at your stunning doe eyes blinking at him from across the rink, heart pulsing uncontrollably as you slowly skated to him and got into position, neither of you uttering a word about it as you ran the choreography three more times like you had agreed on.
you and satoru have had plenty of moments like that⊠but lately?
itâs been borderline dangerous with how close youâve gotten to breaking your unspoken rule.
by the end of practice you and satoru excitedly packed up for the christmas festival, more or less stumbling out of the doors of the rink and locking up before throwing your things in satoruâs car and speeding off to the main plaza, cheesy dorky smiles on your faces as you babbled on about all of the things you were gonna do once you got there.
âthe sâmores stand! the sâmores stand!â satoru whipped his head comically back and forth between you and the snowy road. âwe have to go there and get five nothing less and maybe moreââ
âwait! i wanna get some of that hot chocolate we got last year!â you quickly reached and gripped his shoulder. âthe one with the chocolate bits in it! and the whipped cream! and the drizzleââ
âoh fuck yeah how could i forget?â satoru made a turn, the shining glimmering lights of the festival and christmas trees coming into view and riling you both up in pure exhilaration. âi gulped down like four cups of those and then threw up in a bush.â
you laughed loudly and shook your head. âi forgot about thaaaattt! toru you always shove shit in your mouth and throw up we have got to work on thatââ
âno we donât!â he cheesed, reaching over and patting over your hairâ the smooth ribbon of your thin bows sliding underneath his palm. âi love sweets even if they hurt me. what doesnât kill you makes you stronger. where there is no struggle there is no strengthââ
âthe only strength i see is a man hunched over puking his guts out.â
âhey!â he pouted, pulling into the lot before parking and turning off the ignition, the both of you hopping out of the car and locking it as you walked towards the main entrance. âand iâll do it again so what.â
you giggled and interlocked your fingers with satoruâs. âsilly silly.â
the festival was livelyâ huge decorated christmas trees everywhere you went as twinkling fairy lights adorned every corner and direction of the lots premises, several open stands that continuously wafted chocolate and cinnamon and vanilla throughout the entire night that had satoru practically floating through the air following the scent, kids giggling and running around as the soft familiar tunes of christmas music hummed in the background.
âwhat do you want for christmas, sweets?â satoru asked while chowing down a giant sâmore.
âa kiss!â you quipped, giving him a cute silly look as you blew a bit of air over your steaming hot chocolate.
he stopped chewing.
âreally?â satoru spoke with his mouthful. âi can literally give that to you right now câmereââ
âno toru!â your cheeks buzzed a vibrant pink, completely flustered. âyouâre supposed to say a big fat no!â
ânow why the fuck would i do that...â he grumbled, shoulders slumping from disappointment as he took another big bite of his dessert.
you giggled, looking at him apologetically before standing on your tippy toes and licking a bit of melted chocolate from the corner of his mouth.
and he blinked at you, dumb and still as his cheeks copied the same exact shade as yours.
my god.
you were about to turn him into a freak.
âokay now you have to kiss me.â
âwhy?!â you laughed. âyou had chocolate on your face! i was helping you out.â
âyeah right you little minx.â he scarfed down the last bit of his sâmore and threw his little paper tray in the trash can behind him, putting his hands together and shaking off excess crumbs. âthatâs actually the most torturous thing you have ever done to me.â
âdramatic!â you exclaimed, laughs escaping you and increasing as you watched satoruâs flustered face pout and glare at you.
you breathed in deeply and settled down, standing up straight as you took a tiny sip of your hot chocolate and smiled. ânow i feel bad.â
âyou should.â
âcan you forgive me?â
ânot unless you kiss me.â
âtoru!â
âwhat?!â he pushed. âbaby itâs only fair! really! just once and thatâs it. a harmless peck nothing more we arenât doing anything crazier.â
you gnawed at your bottom lip in thought.
technically he was right⊠it was just one little peck, entirely harmless and cute and wouldnât have you both falling off of that thin tight rope you guys were still balancing off of.
this would only shake it a little⊠but then youâd be fine! right?
you were too far gone in the considerations of his proposal as you looked at his absolutely breathtaking blue eyes and face, somehow looking even more angelic as his pinky cold cheeks and nose and scarf covered neck did nothing but make you fall deeper in love with him than you already were.
how someone could look as good as satoru was beyond you.
âjustââ you peered up at him. âjust one peck okay?â
his eyes widened.
holy shit.
âyes!â he breathed out. âyes yes just one.â
âtoru.â you spoke sternly. âiâm serious.â
he frantically nodded, arms already snaking around your waist and bringing you in.
you both couldnât believe it.
you were about to have your very first kiss.
the two of you leaned in thenâ softly, timidly, afraid as satoruâs chocolate breath fanned against your nostrils and filled your lungs, lips coming closer and closer until they met in a simple, solid, tiny harmless peck.
satoru felt like his veins were about to pop and explode at the feeling of your delicate soft lips finally on his, the feeling actually fucking unreal as his fingertips went numb and his body tingled all over.
but it quickly became clear that it was not just one harmless peck.
because when it was supposed to be the time for you both to pull away, you and satoru only opened your mouths and kissed deeperâ eyelids blissfully closed as your lips smacked so slowly and tenderly, the two of you actively relishing in the moment and just drinking each otherâs mouths in as they moved and shifted, deep breaths through your noses as you daze-fully made out with the faint fuzzy sound of jingle bells and christmas music growing increasingly distant.
you tasted so sweet. just like heâd imagined.
but the moment came to and end when you both snapped your eyelids open in realization and released lips, pupils frantic and wide as you searched each otherâs eyes for any sign of anger since you both had slipped up and did way more than just a peck.
but there was nothing. obviously there was nothing like that as your shoulders relaxed simultaneously and bashful smiles crossed your faces.
âyou taste like chocolate.â he grinned.
you bit your bottom lip in a smile. âso do you.â
âtwins.â
âuh huh.â
âi love you.â
you stilled.
youâve told each other that thousands of times for years, since childhood.
youâve always said you loved each other and have both known it was laced with those unspoken feelings you had, and you accepted that for as long as you could remember.
but somehow⊠in someway⊠it just felt different this time around. profound. more serious.
âi love you.â you responded.
satoru smiled softly and leaned his forehead against yours, basking in each others authentic infatuation for a moment before pulling away.
âcan i get another sâmoreââ
âno!â
satoru ended up getting his second sâmore, and you surprisingly ended up partaking in satoru activities and downed three fucking cups of that hot chocolate you loved so much, your tummy full and about to literally burst, but not really giving a shit as you and him were having so much freaking funâ buying little christmas trinkets from the santa shop and building tiny snowmen in the snowy play area filled with a bunch of kids (satoru literally making a tiny dick for one of the snowman and you immediately destroying it and wacking him), even skating in the rink but purely just for enjoyment and not a single thought of what you do professionally crossing your minds.
you stayed there until it was nearly closing time, money absolutely spent from all the things you bought, but your souls happy and warm as you happily walked to the car so satoru could take you home.
on the drive there, you showcased all of the trinkets you both had bought, a particular one catching your eye that you remembered you hadnât shown satoru yet.
âoh! i got this oneââ you dug your hand in the white plastic bag and pulled out a little snow angel, beautiful and glossy as the angels face blushed and smiled. âat the santa shop!â
âitâs cute baby!â he smiled. âfor you?â
you shook your head. âi got it for aki. for the next time we visit her.â
his heart softened, nodding.
you and satoru tried your best to visit her grave as often as you possibly could, sometimes nearing four times a week to pay your respects and chat with her for a little while, filling her in a bit on your lives to bring back the feeling of what it was like to just talk to her in any way you could, like you had the fortune of doing once before.
âit kinda looks like her.. doesnât it?â he questioned, pointing to the figure.
âit does right!â you expressed. âthatâs why i got it⊠it reminded me of her.â
âsheâll love it.â he grinned, gently running the pad of his finger against your cold cheek before turning his attention back to the road.
you and satoru didnât mention the kiss again as you were funnily still in shock over it, but the butterflies in your stomachs and the sole memory of it did more than enough as you climbed into bed with an already snoring satoru, him sleeping over for the night (when was he not) as you nudged your way under his arm and cuddled yourself in his chest, his slumbered state pulling you in like muscle memory.
you both only had two more practices left before the international skating union competition. once there, you and satoru had to land a spot in the top three chosen by the national olympic committee to earn an official spot in competing for the olympics, a task that was already vigorous and exhausting and nerve wracking, but one you both were more than ready for.
general admittance to competing in the olympics was essentially fourteen years in the making, one that wouldnât have been possible in the first place if it wasnât for akira.
âi think we should add a spin to this lasso lift.â you suggested, you and satoru taking a break from running the routine and standing by the bleachers during practiceâ watching a recently recorded take of your choreography to point out mistakes that flew under your radars.
âa spin?â he asked. âhow sweets.â
âso when you lasso me around into the liftââ you rewinded the video and pointed. âsince youâre holding me up over your head and weâre balancing with our hands, i say you maybe push me up to kind of likeâ propel me to do a triple rotation spin back down.â
âand then from there i catch you?â
âyeah!â you nodded. âand weâre traveling across the ice.â
satoru pursed his lips. âthatâs kind of hard⊠you sure?â
âweâve done worse toru.â you laughed. âi feel like this would give us more points.â
âoh it definitely would.â he nodded. âokay baby.â
âyay!â you cheered. âletâs practice the lift and propel on the mats first because if not iâm gonna eat shit.â
satoru laughed and sat down on the bleachers with you, quickly taking off his skates before standing and kneeling in front of you, untying your laces and slipping your skates off for you as you cutely smiled, him feeling like your little hero and knight in shining armor even if it was for something so minuscule.
he loved doing things for you.
in the middle of you and satoru practicing the move on the mats, your mother came in through the front doors of the ice rink.
âhi!â she greeted, holding up two wide rectangular boxes. âyour costumes came in!â
âoh thank god!â you breathed out, satoru setting you down on your feet before you both ran to see. âi thought they werenât gonna come in on time!â
âare they cool?!â satoru tumbled out. âdo they scream please let me in the olympics?!â
you snorted and shoved his shoulder playfully as you unwrapped your boxes, your eyes shining in delight at the sight of your rhinestoned pale baby blue dress, a shade you purposefully picked out as it matched the color of satoruâs eyesâ you lifting it with your fingertips from the box and gushing.
you turned it around and held it up against your frame as satoru pulled his top outâ a white, tight long sleeved low cut v-neck button up that you already knew was gonna hug his yummy biceps so good, the thought of it making you bite the inside of your cheek as he checked over his black slacks.
your mother clasped her hands together, holding it to her mouth as her eyes gleamed over the two of you.
âi canât believe itâs happening now.â she spoke softly, you and satoru diverting your attention to her and smiling. âfor so long it was always just a distant thing you know? but now itâs here. actually.â
âfuck i know right.â you responded.
âlanguage, y/n.â
âbut iâm twenty!â you whined, pouting as satoru snickered behind you.
your mother rolled her eyes and cupped yours and satoruâs chins under her hands.
âgood luck next week, alright? i know you guys will sweep.â she pushed. âmake aki proud.â
the smiles on your faces grew, nodding as she squeezed your chins and released.
âoh! satoruââ your mother picked up her jacket and swung her purse over her shoulder. âyour mom wonât be home for the night her trip got extended until tomorrow⊠you can sleep over at our house if you want so youâre not over there alone? or y/n can stay with you?â
âoh okay!â he spoke kindly. âthank you for letting me know!â
she smiled and nodded, hugging you both goodbye before leaving the rink.
your head whipped in his direction.
âtoru if i sleep over at your house we can watch horror movies and actually scream as loud as we want without worrying about waking anybody up.â
his eyes bulged open. âoh my god youâre right! dibs i get to chooseââ
âfuck!ââ
by the end of practice you and satoru mastered the addition you added into the lasso lift, performing it beautifully on the ice over and over again until it was like simple reflex, calling it a day after a while and packing your things up to drive to satoruâs house.
you both took turns stepping in the shower to get rid of the sticky sweat that lingered on your skin, changing into comfy pajamas after as you tiredly settled in satoruâs big comfy bedâ him flicking through his selection of horror movies and debating which one to pick.
âdo you wanna watch something gory or just horror.â
âgory!â you perked up. âi need to work on not being so queasy.â
âbut you seem fine when i throw up?â
âthatâs because iâm used to it.â you laughed, head resting on his shoulder as he picked a movie and threw his remote somewhere across the bed, his arm coming to wrap around your tummy and pull you in.
it wasnât like the selection mattered anyways, because fifteen minutes into the movie you were already falling asleep, hand resting on satoruâs torso as he continued to watch itâ for some reason still wide awake even after skating for hours.
your sleepy sudden movements from your hand made him weirdly stiffen and relax every single time, your brows furrowing at the feeling and eyes fluttering open when he wouldnât stop doing it.
âtoru⊠are you still ticklish?â you mumbled sleepily.
he stiffened again.
âno.â he answered softly. âwhy..?â
you lazily grinned.
âyouuu suureee?â
terror struck him as he sensed exactly what the fuck you were about to do.
âplease spare me please spare meââ
you jumped on him and tickled his entire upper body, satoru laughing and gasping as he smacked your hands away and twisted and turned, his strong grip making it hard for you to tickle him at one point as you stubbornly swung a leg over his waist and settled over his lap, attacking him while he yelped and screamed.
âbaby!â he gasped. âbaby please! have some mercy is this how much i mean to you?!â
you giggled and finally stopped, hands retracting as you settled them on your hips. âthatâs what you get for lying to me.â
âi was lying for my safety.â
âuh huh.â
you both grinned, satoruâs eyes occasionally flickering down to you straddling his lap with your pretty plushy thighs and blushing, trying to keep his gaze on yours to refrain himself from doing something a little too mental and weird.
but it was too fucking late, because it took no time at all for the blood to rush to his pathetic dick and harden.
surprisingly though, you were the one that was mentalâ the feeling of his cock against your clit undeniable as the uncomfortable shifts of satoruâs waist only stimulated it against your little nub and made you bite down hard on your bottom lip, shaky breaths leaving your mouth as it was getting harder and harder for you to restrain yourself from satoruâs godlike existence.
and your body was just not listening as you timidly rolled your hips over his crotchâ your short shorts criminally thin as you felt just how big satoruâs length was, mouth watering as your palms timidly settled over his chest for stability, grinding on his cock harder.
satoruâs eyes were blown out as he watched you do something soâ so lewd, his mind wandering if you were fully and properly there as something like this was absolutely breaking your unspoken rule, and you were more strict about it than he was.
but he didnât want you to stop. god no.
at this point, you and satoru were off that metaphorical tight rope and hanging on by two handsâ having both failed at keeping each other balanced as you rolled and rolled your hips deliciously on his dick, his chest quickly rising and falling at the feeling of your warm pussy over his groin and at the sight of you using him to get yourself off.
your little needy mewls made his hands tremble as he threw his head back on the pillow, eyes pathetically fucked out over something so simple.
âfuck me..â satoru groaned, hands coming up to rub over his face as his hips lifted to meet your grinding.
him doing that broke you out of your haze and you stiffened, satoru taking his hands away from his face with pinched brows at the sudden halt.
what happened?
âokay!â you laughed nervously, an alarmed expression as you swung your leg off of his lap and scrambled under the covers, pulling it completely over you as you shamefully looked anywhere and everywhere but satoru.
but he was out of it.
undoubtedly out of it now that you did what you did⊠wanting more, wanting all of you as he snatched the covers off of your frame and you squeaking as a result.
âwhyâd you stop.â he whispered, thumb raising to trace your bottom lip.
âi donâtâ i donât know what youâre talking aboutââ
âyes you doââ
âabsolutely notââ
âi want you.â he cut you off. âi want you bad and i know you want me too so letâs justâ letâs just do this once, okay? once please just to see what itâs like and itâll never happen again.â
your eyes remained wide as you looked at his desperate frantic ones, his hands already kneading at your waist and thighs.
he was entrancing you into his proposal again, exactly the same way as when you both kissed for the first time at the festival as he leaned down and nibbled at your jaw, slotting himself in between your legs.
âdoâ do what?â
âfuck.â he mumbled, rolling his hips down on your pussy rough and you gasping at the sensation of his big cock against your clit again.
you whimpered as he rutted into you, hands flying to squeeze his biceps as his wet mouth moved down to your neck, licking and gnawing as he waited for your response.
âbut isnât thatââ you stifled a moan. âisnât that too far toru?ââ
âplease baby please.â he picked his head up and looked at you. âjust once i swear once so we see what itâs like and get it out of our systems and never do it again. i promise.â
he needs to kiss you right fucking now.
your eyes fluttered closed as he continued to hump you, licking your lips as you weakly tried to look into his eyes.
âyou swear?â you breathed out. âswear it just once and thatâs itââ
âi swear i swear i swearââ
âokay then fuck me toru pleaseââ
satoru nearly cried as he ripped himself away from you to frantically pull off his shirt and pants, him slapping your hands away when you tried to take off your own clothes as he wanted to do it himselfâ lifting your shirt over your head and downright tearing your shorts in half as he flung them down and across the room, your little pink bra and panties set actually turning him into a complete mess as he hovered back over you and shoved his tongue in your mouth.
you still tasted just as sweet as he remembered.
âbeen dreaming ofââ mmpfâ âkissing you since you let me, sweets.â
âyeah?â your lips moved sloppily with his as you snuck a hand in your panties and dipped your fingers in your pussy, collecting your arousal. âyou missed me toru?â
âuh huh.â he breathed hotly against your lips, hand coming to slide underneath your bra to cup your bare tit. âevery fucking night iâd jerk my dick dry thinking about it.â
his words made your clit twitch as you pushed him off your lips.
âopen your mouth.â
satoru did as told without a peep and opened it with his tongue out, your hands coming out from your panties as you reached up and slipped your fingers in his mouth, his lips closing in and sucking everything you had to give him as he salvaged up your arousal.
âfuckââ he released your fingers. âis this from your pussy baby?â
âmhm.â you moaned.
your arousal was even sweeter.
âmy godââ he grabbed your wrist and licked a long stripe up your palm. âyou dirty fucking thing mâgonna have to taste for myself and see.â
you gasped. âwhat?â
satoru sat up and pulled your wet panties down your legs, biting down on his tongue hard at the sight of your angelic bare cunt before him, slick and shiny and pretty as you unclasped your bra and spread your legs for himâ eager and ready and not a single other thought in your brain besides the one that was screaming for satoru to stick his dick inside you.
âtoruuuu!â you whined. âquit staring and fuck me.â
his cock pulsed.
âpatience sweets, i wanna taste you first.â
you expected satoru to just lower himself down and shove his head in between your thighs, but you were dead fucking wrong as he stood, grabbed your waist and yanked you high up, sitting you on his shoulders as you squealed and gripped his hair.
âwait toru isnât this uncomfortable iââ
he scoffed. âfuck no. iâve been lifting you my whole life baby this is nothing.â
your speech lodged itself in your throat as you felt his tongue lap at your folds and clit, slobbering and filthy as he ate and scarfed you down just like his usual daily sweets, you by far his absolute favorite as he slurped your little pussy up and made you squeal and moan.
satoru walked over to the wall and leaned you up against it, taking your thighs off of his shoulders and placing his hands underneath as he propped you up and spread your legs wider, your jaw dropping at his slimy tongue flicking and him slabbering his mouth side to side rapidly until your legs shook and you saw stars.
âtoruââ
he grunted, tongue prodding at your hole and you jumping.
âi thinkâ i think iâm gonna cum and iââ pant âi donât wannaââ
satoru separated his mouth from your pussy with a squelch and looked up, smiling big.
âtoo bad!â
âbutââ
he spit on your cunt and you gasped.
âi said too bad.â
he dipped back in and fully devoured you as you mewled, messier as he slushed his tongue all over and youâd never experienced something like this, something that felt so fucking good as you started cumming all over his face in record speed regardless of how hard you were trying to hold back.
âyummy.â
he let go and you dropped down as he quickly caught you, turning and throwing you on his bed as he climbed over youâ wrapping a hand around his cock and jerking as he kissed and swallowed your lips up again.
âyou want me to make love to you or fuck you?â he slopped against your mouth before pulling back, yours and his eyes fluttering open to look at each other.
your legs were still shaking by the eat out he gave you seconds before, finding it hard to get your words together as his handsome deluded face stared at you.
âiâ umââ
he placed his lips next to your ear.
âyou want me to fuck you like my wife or fuck you like a little slut? or both?â
âboth toru pleaseââ
he grinned, coming back up as he parted your legs further open and lined his leaky tip with your hole.
âi can do both!â
satoru pushed himself in and you choked, hands clasping over your mouth as you felt him bully his big cock through and leave you a blabbering crying mess under himâ his chest heaving at the warmth and softness and stickiness of your cute gummy walls, his years of imagining and theorizing how youâd feel wrapped around his dick all completely debunking themselves at the real feeling as you whimpered and clenched your hole.
âjesus christââ he shivered, swallowing thickly as his trembling fingers settled on your waist, him slowly reeling his hips back before pumping in. âyouâreâ youâre warm.â
you dropped your hands and wiped your cheeks as you hiccuped, the feeling of his dick sliding in and out of your walls incandescently euphoric as you embarrassingly already felt yourself wanting to cum again when he had just stuck his dick inside of youâ you wanting to ride out this moment for a bit longer and not finish so quickly like you had done on his mouth.
âam i being too mean pretty?â he huffed, thrusts now quick and curt as he gripped your bouncing tits and pinched your perking nipples, the sight of your little tears shamefully turning him on.
you frantically shook your head and tried to clear your brain. ânâno!ââ
âgood.â he smiled, a little crazed as he let go of your boobs, placed his hands on the backside of your thighs and pushed your knees up to your chest, picking up speed as you squealed and whimpered, utterly taken aback by how rough satoru was being considering the fact that he was such a goofy and kind and loving person on the daily.
oh⊠what years worth of pent up sexual frustration can do to a man.
satoru whined as you milked his dick, wheezing as he hammered his hips up and slapped against your skin, your body jolting and bouncing uncontrollably as his bed squeaked loud and obnoxiously.
thank god his mother wasnât home.
âiâve wanted this iâve wanted this iâve wanted thisââ satoru babbled, his critical thinking out the fucking window as he just tumbled out totally random but honest confessions as your ears eagerly drank up every word and made your hole tighten.
âyeah?â pant âfâfor how long baby?â
âfor so longââ he whined loudly, fucking you faster as your mouth hung open and you gripped his wrists for support. âyouâre everything iâve ever wâwantedââ
âiâ iâve only ever wanted you toruâ fuck! youâre big.â you moaned, loving the way a huge deranged smile spread across his face as his hips pistoned into you and his hands pinned you down.
âcum on my dick baby please cum on my dick i want it i want itââ
your toes curled and you squealed, vision flashing white as you let out a high pitched scream at the intense buzzing feeling, your bodies hot and sticky and wet as satoru leaned over and shoved his lips in your ear.
âcan iâ can i cum inside?â he choked through gritted teeth as he came close to spilling his seed. âplease i wanna cum insideââ
âbut mânot on the pillââ
âplease please baby i beg youââ hah! âi donât wanna cum anywhere elseââ
your eyes fluttered shut at his words and you quickly nodded, his hand cupping your face as he thrusted in one last time and pumped his cum entirely inside you without an ounce of hesitation for the consequences, his horny mind actually crazed and solidifying that there was no fucking way in hell he was gonna accept just friends from this point forward.
what a stupid thought.
âmmmâŠâ you slowly moved your hips a little, feeling his cum all inside your ravished walls as you licked your lips. âyour cum feels hot toru.â
not even warm, hot as it slushed and moved inside you with every movement you made, some of it dribbling and coating your outer folds as you bit your bottom lip into a smile and craned your head up to his neck, nibbling and giving satoru tiny kitten licks as he trembled and struggled to stay afloat and not give out his upper arm strengthâ trying to prevent himself from squishing you.
satoru pressed a soft tender kiss to your cheek then before sitting up and delicately sliding his dick out, running a soothing hand over your tummy as he did so and giving you a lazy smile.
he suddenly raised his pinky to you.
âbirds of a feather?â he murmured, other hand running from your stomach over to your thighs now as he just lovingly felt you up, you smiling with rosy cheeks as you linked your little pinky with his.
âbirds of a feather.â
you both kissed your thumbs and locked your promise, deciding then that you should probably shower once more before getting into bed to officially sleepâ but deciding to shower together as you softly and steamily made out under the misty hot running water, body and mind relaxed as you just swallowed in the ambience of each other, you both not only holding on to your metaphorical tight rope with one hand now, but it actually on the verge of snapping as a whole and sending you both free falling.
and for the next couple of days, you and satoru were feral.
years and years of doing fucking nothing with pure restraint and fantasizing did a number on you both as any chance you got you were making out on your bed, his bed, and even in satoruâs car after your lecturesâ your hand teasingly going lower and lower until youâd shove a hand in his pants to pull his dick out and pump, your body leaning across the console and mouth going down to bob and suck as he moaned and pulled your hair into a makeshift ponytail to guide you and your pretty bows and fuck your mouth just to hear the sounds of you choking, eyes from time to time frantically looking around to see if no one was around as you blowed him.
and you did that basically all of the time for the next three days until the final practice just before the international skating union competition, satoru physically unable to leave you alone and unscathed as he constantly pinned you down to eat your pussy or suckle on your soft tits, his hand tightly clasped over your mouth in your room when your moans would get too loud as he fingered you, his long fingers squelching and abusing your cunt until you were finishing all over his hands again and again.
but you two having actual sex didnât happen again apart from that nightâ satoru a man of his word since he promised you would only do it once⊠unfortunately. but that didnât mean you couldnât do other things, right?
except by the final practice, satoru was absolutely fucked off at the fact that neither of you had brought up the potentiality of being more than just friends, especially after doing all of those lewd acts.
he was so sick of it.
and so were you, quite frankly, but instead of being completely over it like satoru, you were afraid⊠afraid of what could happen and the possibility of losing him if you both indulged, if you let yourselves put your freaking careers on the line.
and satoru was the one person you couldnât bear to lose. not ever.
âwe look good sweets!â satoru cheesed, rotating around in the ice rinks dressing room mirrors as you had your costumes on for dress rehearsal and refinements, both of you glittering and shiny and looking like a professional ice skating pair as you examined yourself, readjusting your straps and hugging your torso.
âcold.â you shivered. âmaybe i shouldâve had it as a long sleeve⊠shit.â
he laughed and placed his hands on your arms, rubbing up and down quickly to create frictional heat as you smiled at him gratefully. ânah, itâs cute like this! youâll warm up once we run it a few times on the ice.â
you nodded, the both of you walking out of the dressing room and to the rink, skillfully putting on your skates before pushing yourself on the ice and gliding across.
âcan you show me the uhââ satoru looked to the side in thought once he was on the ice in front of you. âthe part where we skate in unison and have our arms up in an L? itâs in the chorus of our musicââ
âoh!â you nodded and skated a bit away from him to demonstrate.
âi just wanna see if my form matches yours and we look clean.â he smiled. âand then show me the triple axel after that.â
you gave him a cute thumbs up and pushed yourself off, gliding gracefully and smoothly across the ice as satoru was supposed to be watching you to try and fix his form, but finding himself transfixed once again by the way you seamlessly skated with no sense of struggling effortâ arms poised and flowy as your dress moved and fluttered with every twist and turn until you gradually propelled yourself up into the triple axel and landed correctly without a slip or wobble.
the level of difficulty and technicality you skated reminded him of akiraâ but your style, your movement, and the way you carried yourself was entirely your own.
you made figure skating look beautiful.
you were beautiful.
you slowed down on the ice and skated over to satoru.
âwere you able to see? did you match me?ââ
âyou skate just like her.â satoru spoke softly, and you faltered.
he didnât need to clarify who he was talking about, as you always knew.
âyouâre just saying that.â you pursed your lips to keep yourself from smiling, or crying, you didnât know.
but a compliment like that meant the absolute world to you.
âiâm not.â he shrugged, skating over to you and taking your hands as he glided with you to starting position. âyou always have baby. and i know thatâs what youâve always wanted. iâm sorry i donât say it enough.â
your eyes softened. âtoru thatâs not something to be sorry about at allâŠâ
satoru was so kind.
you both skated together and ran the choreography a couple of times, spinning simultaneously and satoru lifting you again and again throughout the routine and still performing your lasso spinning lift successfully, arms around his shoulders and faces close as the wind whipped through both of your costumes and hair from traveling across the ice at such a speed before coming to a sudden choreographed halt at the end of your number.
you had slid down satoruâs body to plant your blades back on the ice when he had enough.
âplease stick your tongue in my mouth.â
you choked on your spit and slapped a hand over your mouth.
âtoru no! absolutely not we canât anymore okayââ
âwhat are we.â
you froze.
âhuh?â
âwhat are we.â he repeated, eyes dead locked on yours and hard. âare we together? are we not? are we friends? what are weââ
âweâreâ weâre friends toruââ
âoh fuck no.â he let you go and created a little bit of space between you. âdonât give me that shit weâre not friends.â
âwâwell we canâtââ
âiâm your man.â he stated firmly. âiâm your man iâve been your man for years and iâm tired of avoiding this sweets! it sucks!â
âweâre putting everything at risk if we do toru we canât!â
âiâm your man.â
âno youâre notââ
he cut you off. âyour mouth has been on my dick. weâve had sex. weâve kissed weâve made out weâve told each other i love you if that doesnât tell you that weâre together then what the actual fuck?!â
âoh my god toru i know i know!â you groaned, hugging yourself as you anxiously looked at him. âwhat happens if we break up? huh? what do we do?â
he shook his head. âwe wonât.â
âyou donât know that.â you laughed bitterly. âif that happens we lose each other satoru understand that. we break birds of a feather, we ruin our careers, and we ruin us.â
âfirst of allââ he started. âour birds of a feather promise is to stick together, keep each other safe, and not seperate or fight, is it not?â
âitâ it isââ
âso do you really think if we continue to keep each other in this fuck ass limbo of friends that we arenât already breaking that?â he threw his arms out in emphasis. âwe have never been just friends. iâve known you for fourteen fucking years and we have never been just that.â
you blinked back tears.
âi promise you babyââ he slid closer to you and cupped your cheeks. âthat we wonât leave each other. i will fight and try every single damn day to make sure that that shit never happens even though i already know it wonât because youâve been made for me since birth and we havenât separated since weâve met.â
satoru wiped your cheeks. âbut i also promise you, that if we continue as just friends, we will break. weâre gonna string each other along so fucking much that weâre gonna go absolutely insane and drive each other away. that is for certain.â
âbutâ skatingââ
âi donât give an ever living fuck.â he spat funnily and you laughed through your tears. âskating is nothing without you. all the trophies and medallions and the god damn olympics itself with that gold medal is nothing without you. i would give that shit up in a heartbeat if it meant keeping you in my life in exchange.â
âand i would do the same for you toru!â you sobbed, his arms immediately wrapping around your shoulders and pulling you in as you sniffled and hiccuped into his chest, him kissing the side of your head repeatedly and soothing a hand down your back.
âdonât cry pretty i didnât meant to make you cry...â he mumbled, cheek mushed up against your head as your shoulders shook, a huge disgusting pit of guilt in his stomach. âfine itâs okay we can be just friends for a bit longer please donât cryââ
âno!â you sputtered, pushing him back a little to face him. âi donât wanna be just friends anymore either toru⊠it hurts me so much.â
âit does?â he asked softly and you nodded.
âit hurts me too.â
satoru wiped your remaining tears again and fixed the little bows in your hair, a soft liberated smile on his face as he reached down to cup your cheeks and bring your perfect lips to his, kissing you lovingly as the both of you felt like you could finally rest and stop ridiculously hiding your love in the shadows after so many years.
the thin tight rope that you had both been toppling over and rebalancing and holding onto to keep the other from falling, had finally snapped in two, and you and satoru were now in the darkest depths of the truth of what you both were.
except it wasnât dark at all.
it was light and airy and heavenly, and you wondered why you had been so afraid when there was nothing to be afraid of in the first place, since the one you were falling with was satoru.
silly.
he pulled apart and looked at you, his striking blue eyes and white fluffy hair especially beautiful.
âtomorrowââ he began. âweâre gonna absolutely destroy everyone else there and land a spot in the top three, and then after iâm gonna take you out on a nice dinner and buy every single fucking dessert off the menu, and then iâm gonna ask you to be my girlfriend. okay baby?â
you giggled then, the brightest rosy cheeks on display from the both of you as you eagerly nodded and threw your arms around his neck.
and tomorrow could not come soon enough, because not only were you looking forward to making your dreams a reality and competing against other figure skating pairs from around the world and the olympics itself, but also the thought of officially being satoruâs after years of wishing on little stars and day dreaming about what that would be like for hours on end.
until the moment was here. happening.
the indoor arena was electric and rowdy the minute the competition commenced, you and satoru in absolute awe of the energetic atmosphere as many individuals in the crowd waved their banners or screamed their loved ones names, an ambience very similar to the olympics as you both watched pair after pair perform their hardwork and dedication on the ice, goosebumps on your skin as you fidgeted and jittered.
out of twenty of your countries competing pairs, only three of you would be chosen for the olympics.
and you hoped to god you and satoru would be chosen.
âweâre almost up baby.â satoru patted your head, sitting on a bench in your designated area. âi think itâs two more pairs then itâs us.â
you nodded, nerves closing up your throat as your eyes darted over the rink.
satoru frowned.
âhey.â he placed a hand on your thigh, suddenly wanting to rip your nylon tights off so you could actually feel his skin on yours. âyou nervous sweets?â
you nodded again, and he gave you a silly grin.
âdonât be! youâre literally akira the second. weâll be fine!â
you laughed lightly and leaned your head on his shoulder.
âand even if we donât land a spot, thatâs fine too.â he kissed your head. âitâs our first year anyways⊠weâll know the game for next time and weâll try harder.â
you picked your head up and smiled at him, his words settling your nerves just as soon as the last remaining pair took their places on stage, yours and satoruâs turn right after.
what you didnât know, was that satoru was just as nervous as you.
but he knew you needed a rock and someone to comfort youâ wanting to swoop in like a little hero and save you again⊠so he kept it hidden.
âfuck i almost forgot!â satoru jumped up and dug into his duffel bag, pulling out a roll of pale baby blue ribbon that matched your dress exactly. âyou told me you didnât have ribbon that matched your costume so i went and tried to look.â
he held it out for you cutely on his palm.
âdoes this one match?â
you picked up the roll, astonished and mushy inside that satoru actually went out of his way to find this specific ribbon color for you because you had expressed how unhappy you were with the darker shade you had, your eyes looking up at him in complete adoration.
âoh my goodnessâ thank you toru!â
you quickly undid the bows in your hair and slipped off the former ribbon, digging through your duffel bag for scissors and cutting off pieces from the new ribbon before looping them through your hair and tying, not needing a mirror since youâve done it for as long as you could remember.
satoruâs cheeks went pink as he looked at your new pretty bows.
âdoes they look okay?â
âbeautiful.â he responded, pecking your lips before taking your hand and leading you to the entrance of the rink.
âokayââ you breathed out. âthis is it.â
âwhat kind of food do you think theyâll have at the dinner place we pickedââ
âtoru!â you giggled. ânot now!â
he smiled sheepishly at you before leaning his forehead against yours.
you stuck your pinky out.
âbirds of a feather?â
satoru grinned and looped his pinky with yours.
âbirds of a feather baby.â
you both kissed your thumbs and once again, locked your promise.
the announcer over the speakers iterated your names and your country as you and satoru glided across the ice poised and graceful with your arms up, waving at the crowd and giving your mothers a special frantic wave before moving to starting position, unknowing of the way several other pairs and the judges themselves murmured about your reputation and your association with akira.
and you hoped she was watching over you both now. somewhere.
the music begun, contemporary and lyrical as you and satoru slid across the rink, already impressive and entertaining as you performed moves and lifts right off the bat, the sounds of your blades scraping against the ice oddly keeping you in time with your choreography as the number went on.
and you and satoru were feeding off of each other, the chemistry undeniable to a strangers eye that had no idea of your story as you conveyed passion through your expressions, each technical movement bleeding with the fact that you both had been olympic level trained since the age of fourteen and fifteen.
you were halfway through your routine now, the lasso lift coming up next as satoru harbored in his strength so he could properly propel you into that newly added spin.
you skated around him and he lifted you up into the air, the crowd cheering and excited at your beautiful remarkable forms.
except satoruâs hands were slippery.
why?
nerves. he quickly deemed it nerves as he had no time to deliberate since it was almost time to propel you up into the spin, his mind already racing over the fact that the slip in his hands was hindering his strength to keep you up there, and he worried that if he pushed you up, it wouldnât be enough and youâd come tumbling downâ hurting yourself.
but satoru had zero time to decide again as he went with protocol and pushed you up as hard as he possibly could and prayed you would go into your triple axel spin successfully and that heâd catch you.
but the minute that he did, the force yanked him back and his skates flew up in front of him, you falling down and your thigh hitting something sharp before you both went slamming to the groundâ sliding apart from each other on the ice.
the crowd screamed and gasped in terror, sounds you were all too familiar with to what you heard three years ago filling both your fuzzy minds as satoru struggled to get back up, his head turning slowly around to see if you were okay and just sore like himâ
until he saw your limp body on your side, your back to him with blood slowly pooling out on the ice and staining your pretty blue dress.
satoru scrambled up and skated straightaway in a panic to you before sliding on his knees as he reached you, turning you over and paling as he saw you were unresponsive and out fucking cold.
âbaby?â he shook you. âheyâ babyââ
nothing.
why werenât you answering him? why werenât you awake?
his brain flashed images of akiraâs body the day that she died, suffocating deja vu as the way you looked when he saw you like that on your side was a carbon copy of her from three years ago, his chest picking up speed as you continued to lay limp even after he shook you desperately numerous times like a madman.
and why was there so much blood?
blood that looked sickly bright red against the white ice, blood that stained his sleeves and shirt and hands as he held you up and supported your head, and blood that wouldnât stop fucking oozing out of your leg as he trembled.
âheyâ hey can you hear me?â satoru tapped your cheek rapidly, shaking you gently again with horrified eyes and still not getting a response.
âfuck! why is this happening this isnât supposed to happenââ
how could he be your hero? how could he stop the blood and wake you up? how could heâ how could he fix this how could he take it all back how could he fix thisâ
âno no no baby pleaseââ he sobbed. ânot like aki baby not like her manââ
he shook you again, your head lolling to the side as ifâ as if you wereâ
no.
âbabyâ birds of a feather right? birds of a feather we have to stick together you canâtâ you canât leave right?â he cried, chest heaving and vision blurry and you just felt so cold.
âyouâre not leaving youâre not leaving me please not like aki please godââ he cradled you up to his chest in his arms and rocked. âyou canât leave me youâre all i know and i donât wanna know anything else please babyââ
satoruâs frantic repeated heartbroken wailing echoed throughout the arena as the crowd erupted and moved around in hysteria, him still rocking you in his arms as he turned his head with terrified bloodshot eyes to look at both of your mothers, yours hunched over in a fit of screams and cries as his had her hands in her hair in utter disbelief and tears.
âfuck what do i do!â he sobbed, legs shakily standing as he slipped one arm under your back and the other under your knees, picking your limp body up as he saw a huge group of paramedics run over to him on the ice as he carried you over.
âhelpââ hic! âhâhelp me pleaseââ
why couldnât satoru be your hero when it mattered most?
several of them lowered the stretcher and took you from him, laying your lifeless self on it before hoisting you up and swiftly carrying you away, all of it horrifyingly and painfully similar to akiraâs inevitable death.
were you gone?
satoru looked down and saw your baby blue ribbons on the ice, wet and stained with blood, once perfect bows in your pretty hair when he had you awake and breathing.
were you breathing? had you hit your head?
he couldnât remember.
he couldnât remember anything but your unresponsiveness, the way your skin was colder than the ice itself as he picked up your ribbons and looked at them in his handsâ and the way your blood stretched over for what looked like miles and was still there.
in front of him. taunting him.
was the world so cruel as to take you too?
it wouldnât. it couldnât.
youâd never done anything wrong. youâd never treated anybody indifferently as you were sweet and beautiful and talented, always in servitude of othersâ in servitude of him as you taught him how to ice skate when you didnât need to at six years old, you already kind and gentle at that young age when you couldâve easily shooed him away like a little bug and told him to fuck off.
and throughout your life too, as he was well aware he was an annoying dramatic piece of shit that whined and cried and ate your stashes of sweets all of the timeâ but you always just giggling and looking at him with adoration in your eyes, with your cheeky smile, with the little ribbon bows in your hair he loved so fucking much.
oh how he wished he didnât always take your sweets at that moment. how he wished he wasnât always an annoying blockhead and made you mad at times with his persistent personality and neediness as he stood there frozen in the rink staring at your bloodâ dark now and dull, wishing it was him instead of you.
you were knocked out for five days at the hospital.
you and satoru also didnât make it into the top three at the international skating union competition.
you shouldâve, as your score was already higher than any other pair there and only halfway through the routine tooâ but thatâs precisely why you got knocked out.
if you had finished your number, you wouldâve landed in the top three, but it ending halfway cut off the opportunity for accumulating more points, and eventually another pair surpassed your halfway score by two points.
but satoru didnât give a shit. fuck the olympics and fuck the international skating union while your body laid still on the hospital bed for hours on end, him refusing to leave your side as he sat there and stared off into space with nothing in his head but hatred for himself as it was his fault that this happened and his blade that sliced youâ eyes red and sunken and tired and refusing to eat or drink.
you had hit your head on the ice, but thankfully the trauma wasnât anywhere near the severity of akiraâs, it only inducing a strong concussion and sending you flying out of consciousness upon impact.
but it was the loss of blood that was the problem.
you had lost so much, too much of it.
it made you weak and frail and unable to do much and satoru worried that thatâs what was going to take away your fighting chance of survival.
âyou should go home satoruâŠâ your mother sighed, standing by the door of your hospital room, her own eyes red and swollen.
he shook his head no silently.
âsheâll still be here⊠you need to eat something or sleep please. you look awful.â
satoru smiled weakly and shook his head again.
âmâfine.â
your mother pursed her lips to the side and she sighed again, nodding.
âiâll come by early in the morning, alright?â
he hummed, giving her a tiny wave as she left and closed the door behind her.
satoru had brought a roll of pink ribbon from your little white box in your room, unrolling the pieces he chose and lifting his hands, taking the ends of your hair and trying to tie little thin bows the way you always did, but huffing softly in irritation when they just looked like shit.
he undid the one he was working on and settled for feeling the material of the ribbon between his thumbs instead.
satoru brought you bouquets everyday too.
sometimes three at a time as he continuously swapped out old flowers and replaced them with new ones, changed their water and poured fresh quantities into each vase to keep them alive, and often picked some more from the hospital garden when he went down to get some fresh air for a minuteâ the least he could do for nearly killing you.
and satoru had a lot of time to think while he waited for you to wake upâ bitter and resentful at the world for letting him sit there healthy while you were out, so much so that he started thinking stupid shit like how he wished you wouldâve forgotten him and dismissed his yapping dreams about ice skating when you met so you wouldâve been an independent skater instead, so you then wouldnât have gotten hurt by his idiocy and you wouldnât be laying in a hospital bed like you were now.
or swapped places. him instead of you so he could beat up the fucks that took akira away and beat up zeus orâ or aphrodite or whoever the fuck that was responsible for keeping him from you so he could come back to you⊠unsure if you were doing the same thing as he stared at your resting face.
you shouldâve just left him behind.
but he was sleeping when you woke.
arms propped up and crossed next to you on the hospital bed, his cheek mushed up on them and face to the side as you blinked your eyes open and was straight up confused, not a single memory of the incident flitting through your mind⊠until it did.
and it hit you bad.
your mind reeled with a pounding headache, tears prickling your eyes at the events that plagued through your mindâ a part of you knowing there was absolutely no way you and satoru made top three and gutted about it, feeling shaken from the memory alone of you falling and hitting the ice.. but grateful.
grateful to be alive, for you knew akira wasnât as lucky.
was it because of her that you had lived? had she pulled some strings to change your fate?
your eyes trailed down to a sleeping peaceful satoru, your gaze softening at how tired and broken he looked, bags dark and purple as he snored away next to you, your hand lifting and delicately settling over his fluffy white hair as you smiled that he was here next to youâ caressing.
satoru shot up wide awake then as you jumped and retracted your hand, the both of you alarmed and frantic.
âbaby?â he grabbed your hand and felt around it, feeling warmth for once as he stood up straight and shoved back one of the sleeves of his hoodie.
âyouâre awake? are you actually?ââ he pinched his arm hard over and over and you giggled.
you giggledâ the sound filling his ears and lifting an undeniable dark ton off of his shoulders as he relaxed, tears automatically brimming his eyes.
âi thought i fucking killed you sweets.â his voice shook, arms gently coming around you and pulling you into an embrace.
âkilled me?â you frowned. âtoru what are you talking aboutââ
âoh god you have amnesiaââ
âno!â you laughed. âwhat do you mean by almost killed me? you didnât do anything.â
âi did everything.â he spoke flatly. âi fucked up that lasso lift. i pushed you up too hard and we fell. i cut you with my blade i made you bleedââ
âtoru that was an accident.â you pulled back and your chest hurt over the devastated look on his face, wiping his tears and kissing his nose. ârememberâ akiâs partner felt just like this and we had to tell him too it was an accident. you canât control something like that. at all. itâs just unfortunate circumstance.â
âi know but i still feel likeââ he wiped his eyes and swallowed. âi still feel like i couldâve done something different. it shouldâve been me and not you and i shouldâveââ
âtoru donât even donât think about things like that.â you shook your head. âthere wasnât anything you couldâve done, baby. and thatâs okay.â
you gently scooched over on the bed and patted the spot next to yours, satoru immediately climbing and settling in, clinging on to you as he placed his head on your chest with his arm firm but careful around your waist, suddenly feeling how exhausted he actually was from the days he spent restless.
you couldnât have imagined the pain satoru mustâve gone through waiting for you to wake up. you didnât know how he even fucking managed as you wouldâve been torn into bits and pieces not knowing if he was going to live or not, looking at his limp bloody body the way he had to look at yours and it reminding you of the event that brought you both the most trauma and grief.
you couldnât believe you almost went out the same way.
satoru confirmed your thoughts later and filled you in on the results of the international skating union competition, rubbing salt into the wound a little more upon learning that you landed fourth, nearly there as you couldnât help but cry a bit in your hospital bed when he told you that you couldâve had a spot, satoru hugging you and reassuring you that youâd both have your shot at it in the next four years.
your family was relieved that you were awake, tons of people piling in and giving you sweets and food that satoru hungrily eyed and gawked over, you laughing and passing him the ones he particularly enjoyed most as you conversed with your relatives.
and recovery was thankfully easyâ doctors orders being just you taking it light and being careful not to bonk your head against anything, as well as taking care of the laceration on your legâ changing the bandage frequently every morning and night, satoru insisting he help you with that and with many other things that you needed as he tried to make up for what he still thought was his fault.
two weeks had gone by of just rest and peace and no figure skating, thinking you and satoru deserved this break, but also secretly petrified of stepping on the ice again after what had happenedâ neither of you wanting to hurt the other as you avoided the topic of training for the meantime at all costs.
âmaybe we should work at a water park.â you suggested one day, the two of you seated on a park bench through the chilly mid january air as you shared a plate of chocolate drizzled strawberries you got from some nice lady and her fruit stand. âbe lifeguards!â
âoh hell no!â he spoke with his mouthful before swallowing, readjusting the black round sunglasses resting on the bridge of his nose. âyou think iâm gonna be fine with watching random old men savoring after my wife in her little red bikini while iâm off saving some drowning kid? oh no thank you. let the kid drown.â
âtoru!â you laughed, smacking his shoulder. âokay then what else?â
âjanitors.â
you shrugged. âi like to clean. sometimes.â
âand your entire body is covered in those jumpsuits no stinky old men looking atââ
satoruâs phone buzzed against his jeans and he paused and pulled it out as you giggled, him barely glancing at the caller i.d before answering.
âhello?â
you mindlessly carried on plopping strawberries in your mouth and chewing.
âthis is heâŠ. oh hello! yes! how are you?â
you eyed satoru quizzically at his sudden formal change in tone, his eyes glued to the cement below.
âuh huh⊠really? oâokay! no yes for sure! thank you so much for the opportunity!â
opportunity?
you slowed your chewing and nudged his shoulder gently, wanting him to give you some kind of sign as to who it was on the other line.
âokay, weâll keep in touch! thank you again!â
satoru slowly removed his phone away from his ear as the other line went dead, staring at his screen and you curiously leaning over only to see his call history log, a random number at the top.
âholy fuck.â
âwhat?!â you leaned in closer and tried to catch his eyes with yours, his shocked wide gaze slowly flittering to your face.
âthat was the national olympic committee.â
you froze.
âshut the fuck up.â you covered your mouth. âtoru what did they say what did they sayââ
âone of the pairs that made it in the top three got disqualified.â he spat out quickly, shooting up and digging his fingers into his hair as he walked back and forth slowly in disbelief, spinning to face you. âiâ i donât know why i didnât ask but we got bumped up.â
silence.
âweââ your chest rose and fell erratically, eyes darting around as satoru knelt down and grabbed your hands.
âbaby we made it.â he tightened his grip. âweâre competing in the olympicsââ
you squealed and jumped up and down and pulled satoru in, the both of you comically bouncing off the walls as you wailed and cried and blabbered on about how you couldnât believe it and how a chance like this was even given to you, satoru lifting you and spinning you around but stopping and freaking out and apologizing profusely over your injured leg, you shaking your head and laughing, kissing him in return.
âwe canât avoid skating toru.â you spoke once you and him had settled down. âitâs literally what brought us together⊠and what brought us to aki. and even from you spinning me around like that it reminded me how much i missed skating with you.â
âi feel the same sweets.â he smiled, big and bright and handsome as he leaned over and kissed your rosy cheek. âi miss lifting you up and catching a glimpse of your ass underneath yourââ
âtoru!â
even though you and satoru were finally on board and accepting of bringing skating back into your lives, it wasnât to say at all that the fear itself went away when you tried to do lifts or spins in the air with each otherâ apprehensive and scared as you practiced on the mats way more than necessary before moving choreography to the ice, satoru multiple times chickening out and needing a moment as he was petrified of hurting you again, and you glued in place at the thought of falling and slamming on the ground when you had just survived mostly unscathed.
but this wasnât the time to be afraid over that anymore, and if akira were here, you both knew sheâd smack you upside the heads and tell you to move⊠to get on the ice and do the sport you both loved and cherished most.
to finalize your dream and make it a reality.
and throughout the month that you and satoru spent before the commencement of the olympics, you trained like never beforeâ no excuses as you worked tirelessly day and night with sweat literally dripping from your faces until every single goal was met and beyond, until every single throw from satoru was perfected and until every axel from you was delivered.
sometime during this month too, satoru finally got to take you out on that romantic candle lit dinner like he promised and asked you to be his girlfriend, him giddy and grinning the whole time and literally spoiling the moment as he meant to give you a chocolate dessert plate that said âwill you be mineâ in chocolate syrupy letters, but accidentally eating it and smearing the words when he confused your plate with his, smacking his forehead repeatedly on the dining table as the silverware clatteredâ muttering about how dark it was and how he couldnât fucking see, but you laughing so fucking much and clutching your stomach that your makeup smudged up at the corner of your eyes.
satoru was reminded again how much he loved you that day, because anyone else wouldâve gotten tremendously annoyed and called him an idiot, but youâŠ
you just giggled. giggled and hiccuped like always while he stared at you softly.
the love you and satoru shared stretched far beyond the concepts of what a platonic and romantic relationship was.
the love you and satoru shared was sacrifice. genuine sacrifice and yearn and absolute unadulterated love as you both without another thought would drop your careers for each other, would swap places if it meant the other would be safe from harmâs way, and would endure years of swallowing and pushing back feelings if it meant just keeping one another in your lives forever.
because thatâs what birds of a feather was for to begin with.
a promise to stick together. a promise to keep each other safe.
a concept so pure and devoted that it translated onto the ice like no other pair when it came time for the olympics.
âyou ready sweets?â satoru breathed out as you both stood in front of each other by the outside of the rink with interlaced fingers, shaking each otherâs jitters out. âno matter what happens, weâve already come so far and done so much, okay? weâve done what we needed to do.â
âmhm!â you quickly nodded, satoru leaning down before you both rested your foreheads against each otherâs with massive smiles on your faces, thunderous cheers echoing throughout the giant arena totally drowned out in your ears as you stared into satoruâs sparkling blue eyes.
âmake aki proud.â you repeated softly, and he nodded, you hoping once again she was watching over you both.
you both stuck your pinkies out at the same time and looped them together.
âbirds of a feather?â satoru beamed.
âbirds of a feather.â
and you kissed your thumbs before sealing your promise.
you both watched the pair that you were going right after perform their routine, beautiful and difficult as you gnawed at your bottom lip in distress.
âtoruâŠâ
âyeah baby?â
âsome of these pairs are crazy goodâŠâ you spoke over the music. âiâd honestly be happy with getting in the top twenty i donât know if we canââ
satoru scoffed and shook his head, a sly smile as he looked over the rink with his arms crossed.
ânah, weâd win.â
and just like akira had done in her final olympic yearâ in her final moments, you and satoru made it known that it was your debut, that you had been hungry and desperate for this moment since the ages of six and seven, that youâd been raised and trained by a four-time olympic gold medalist for a decade as you executed the most technical and intricate moves and turns, you and satoru moving as one on the ice and identical as he took your hands and glided on the ice with you, raw emotion in your expressions that read love so clearly that it was impossible to miss.
with each lift, with each time satoru took you in his arms and spun, and with each time he simply held you close and tenderly to his chest as his blades scrapped across the ice with your pretty bows in his viewâ were all reminders for the two of you that partner figure skating was nothing without satoru and nothing without you.
the privilege of having another way to convey just how much you loved each other through the language of artistic expression and skates and ice, through the feel of each otherâs skin, was one you nurtured and looked after and loved as the wind whipped through you and satoru due to the speed of your skates, performing quadruple axels like nothing while dropping the jaws of other figure skating pairs.
and because of this fact alone, how you both truly appreciated each otherâs entities and had the indescribable power to correlate that into competitive sportâ
was the reason why you and satoru won gold that day.
you and him, on your knees, gripping and hugging one another so hard and crying tears of joy as you both had come so far and gone through so much to get to where you were now, your dream now a complete and total reality as you stepped up onto that podium during the medal award ceremony just like akira had doneâ representing your country excellently with a big fat gold medal hung over your necks and a big fat kiss from satoru as he lip locked with you up there, flashings of cameras and bouquets and teddy bears scattered all throughout the ice in dismay.
âi love you!â satoru yelled to you over the roaring as you waved at the crowd, your mothers crying and blowing their noses and taking pictures from the edge of the rink as you and satoru cackled and pointed at them.
âi love you, toru!â
âno like seriously!â he put his waving hand down. âi wouldnât be here if it wasnât for you. thank you for recognizing that i have love and dreams too baby and for not forgetting about me even when iâve been the most annoying dipshit of your life.â
âyouâve never been that to me my god toru! where is this coming from?â he hopped off the podium once you two were given the all clear and he held a helping hand out for you to take, you doing so and carefully stepping down.
âreeaally?â he cheesed, cheeky and silly as his big pearly white smile made your cheeks flush. âso you love me then?â
âi literally would not be with you if i didnâtââ
âhooray!â he cheered, throwing his arms up as flower petals flew from his bouquets and around. âmy girlfriend loves me! and weâre gonna have rough passionate olympian sex in our hotel roomââ
âtoru!ââ
the love you and satoru shared wasnât something silly like âi like you, you like me.â
it was call me when you get home.
have you eaten yet?
here, let me help you.
whatever you need.
yours and satoruâs souls were exactly the sameâ blended, intertwined, and stubbornly knotted together as no amount of tug and pull could unravel you both apart, satoru finding over the years that loving you was like muscle memory from the moment he met you, his nerves and reflexes gravitating him towards you on the ice that first time even when he knew there was a huge chance of him slipping and falling, but not being afraid of it at all as long as he just got to you, convinced he knew you in another life as you just felt so familiar the moment he saw your pretty little face.
and youâre so glad that he did get to you⊠that he stayed with you.
fourteen years of ice cream trips and sleepovers and horror movies from the moment you were teeny tiny babies to adults, experiencing the hardships of your teenage years of loss and grief, to then adulthood and college as you had the privilege of learning to navigate it with another being that was just like you, two little birds with no sense of direction other than to each other.
and it was all thanks to one woman and one woman alone.
âi honestly believe that if she was there, she wouldâve brought one of those confetti poppers with dye in it and set it off.â you commented, you and satoru sitting on the grass at her grave site as you leaned your head on his shoulder and his head on top of yours, having literally just come off the plane from being at the olympicsâ your countries olympic button up thick jackets adorning your figures as your gold medals gleamed radiantly against the sun.
âi wish she was there.â satoru hummed, and you nodded softly in agreement.
âme too⊠but iâm sure she was! as a little birdie.â
he chuckled, finding your hand and interlacing your fingers as you stared at her tombstone like youâd done so many times before already⊠except this time it was bittersweet, you having accomplished what the three of you had strived so hard for at last.
âi miss her.â you murmured. âi miss her cussing.â
your eyes flickered down to her peace offerings, the little snow angel trinket you had gotten her still pretty and glossy and her as it sat happily on her stone platform.
satoru picked his head up and kissed the top of your head, propping his chin up on it.
âi miss her too baby.â he responded softly. âeveryday.â
âbutâ i canât thank her enough for giving us the bullets to fire with for skating.. yâknow..â you ran the pad of your index finger along her tombstone, rough and scratchy as you traced little hearts along the edges.
âand she brought us closer together, did she not?â satoru pointed out.
she did.
a woman who was clumsy and loud and erratic with the biggest potty mouth you had ever heard that was passed down to you and satoru in the blink of an eye⊠but man did she know what love was as she taught it to you and reminded you both of exactly what it was each and every day.
you and satoru had accepted the fact that your hearts would never be whole again, for akira had taken half of them elsewhere and into the depths of the unknown.
but you were okay with that. completely and utterly okay with that.
for love had no limits.
you wanted her to keep it, as you and satoru stitched the remaining halves of your hearts together to create a new whole, as there was no one else you both would rather have that part of you with them forever besides akira.
and yours and satoruâs stitched up hearts grew increasingly bigger and fonder even after a couple of years later, even after winning three more olympic gold medals, you and him back at the same place in front of akiraâs grave like always, sitting and laughing and chattingâ but with two little baby toddlers that were half of you and half of satoru as they blubbered on about âmama akiâ and her trophies, a delicate twinkling ring on your finger and a golden band around satoruâs as your little family had a picnic over her final resting place.
âpapa!â your son exclaimed, satoru immediately turning his attention to him in the midst of scarfing down a turkey sandwich.
âyes my offspring?â
you playfully glared at your husband.
âwhy do your eyes look scarier in the day?â
âHAH!â you slapped a hand over your mouth to hush your cackling, satoruâs face absolutely taken aback and offended.
âthey do!â your daughter giggled. âthey do! they do!ââ
âbaby do something!â satoru whined, shoulders slumping as he threw his head back. âiâm being bullied by five year oldâs!â
you giggled and kissed his cheek, his pout quickly turning into a soft little grin as his face flushed pink.
âbut your papaâs eyes are pretty you guys! and they match yours!â
âmmmâ nope! scary!â
your two twin toddlers giggled uncontrollably as they thought being mean to their dad was the funniest thing in the world, you laughing with them as satoru flopped back dramatically and completely laid down on the grass with his eyes looking straight up at the bright sky.
âsâokay.â he spoke flatly. âif even my pretty little wife thinks my suffering is funny iâll just burn my eyes to a crispââ
âtoru!â you slapped his knee. âtoo graphic in front of the kiddies.â
âbut my suffering!ââ
âmommy mommy!â your daughter tugged at your sleeve and pointed to the top of akiraâs tombstone, a cute perfect white and brown bird perched up on the edge and peering curiously at the four of you, the creature not alarmed whatsoever of your childrenâs sudden movements as they scrambled to get closer to it.
satoru propped himself up with an elbow and stared before you both locked eyes, knowing growing smiles on your faces as he fully sat upâ leaning and planting a gentle kiss to your forehead, letting it linger.
aki.
and it was like you and satoru were reminded again of your promise that you still told each other every day.
a promise that consisted of your years together⊠of your love, of your undying fervor of sticking together, of your need of keeping each other safeâŠ
of birds of a feather.
taglist!! <33 (THANK YOU THANK YOU!):
@cupcaketeddybehr @soobiary @roachfun @waterfal-ling @saebaey @reneinii @luvvmae @cake-with-the-cream @pixie-dix @2ukika @cramelmacchiao @hy3phiren @umemiaa @wil10wthetree @jameinfrau @pancakeszs @drftnzume @k0z3me @k4zivy @dindjarins1ut @starrnai @tinyray-lovesfood @iloveoldermenn @dazqa @applepi25 @aria-chikage @rose-tinted-kalopsia @runfrme @unofficialsapphire
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#yuta okkotsu#gojo satoru#jjk fanfic#jjk x you#geto suguru#geto suguru x reader#gojo satoru x reader#jjk fluff#gojo x you#jujutsu gojo#gojo fluff#gojo smut#jjk gojo#gojo x reader#gojo x y/n#jjk satoru#nanami kento#jjk megumi#megumi fushiguro#choso kamo#toji fushiguro#jjk yuta#okkotsu yuuta#megumi fluff#megumi x you#nanami kento x reader#choso x reader#yuji itadori
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The himbo, malewife, goofball -fication of percy jackson is such a crime by both the fans and riordan. It has made Mr not like percabeth as a couple because in all posts and in later books annabeth is such a girlboss, while Percy's dumb and can't fight his way out of a paperbag without her. All the posts are about how annabeth will be an architect and percy would love to be a trophy husband.
Even the humor in the books went from Percy's sharp wit and snark to 'my pancakes can't drown because I'm a son of poseidon.'
And now this recommendation letter bullshit.
Honestly now I'd wish percy just separated from annabeth (but they remain best friends.) He stays home with his family, becomes a camp counselor, helps young demigods, holds God's accountable and eventually becomes a social activist. (I also dislike him doing something marine biology related. It's clear he hates academics but he always wants to help people. Him helping demigods and mortals is such a wholesome profession for him.)
I fully agree with the first half of this, though I slightly disagree with part of the latter.
The later-series and fanon mischaracterization of Percy is at least a solid 50% ableism minimum, full stop. He's being warped into a very stereotyped ADHD character and the exact reason why he's being characterized as "dumb" is because of ableism. Percy is a very intelligent character! That's exactly why he's so in sync with Annabeth and they're such a strong duo! It's just generally Annabeth is more book/academically smart.
I disagree with where you say he hates academics - because that's one of the common misconceptions about his character. Percy doesn't hate learning or academic subjects! He's not even bad at them! We know explicitly that when he is in an accommodating environment he is interested in learning and gets significantly better grades! Percy only dislikes school because it is generally an environment that systematically he struggles with. It's literally just he has a learning disability (two, actually)! That's it! When his learning disability is accommodated for he does well! It's almost like that's what accommodations are all about! We know this from the first series! It's discussed pretty in-depth! Percy isn't a dumb character and he doesn't hate learning, he's just been let down by school systems so much that he's inherently distrustful of them. If they actually accommodate him though then he does just fine!
And that's exactly what CHB was all about and why New Rome University was supposed to be such a big thing for him! CHB is a learning environment geared for demigods. NRU is a demigod college. Both inherently imply an environment meant to cater to and accommodate students with ADHD and dyslexia! They are both systematically structured to be able to accommodate him! Heck, CHB and CJ even both address in the wider themes of the series a metaphor about how ADHD and dyslexia are commonly seen as childhood disabilities, and how it can be more difficult to find accommodations into adulthood because of that attitude but those disabilities don't just go away - that's why CHB is a summer camp but they talk about how demigods outside of CHB don't often fare well. The metaphor there is those who are not getting help or accommodations are struggling. Because that's how that works! This is a fully intentional metaphor from the first series! CHB is never framed as being perfect for demigods, because one of the entire central conflicts of the series is Percy and Luke going back and forth about this flawed system meant to help and support them but still letting people fall through the cracks. The "claim your kids by 13" thing is a metaphor about how acknowledging a child's disabilities (and possibly getting a diagnosis) earlier/as early as possible means they will have more time to learn and build up resources and support for themselves to be able to use later in life. One of CHB's major flaws is that it can accommodate demigods to a certain point, but it can only do so much before those demigods have to leave (the metaphor being accommodating school systems when those disabled students do not have any other forms of accommodations in their lives.)
And that's why Camp Jupiter was framed as being so revolutionary for Percy because it had an environment acknowledging that this is not just a childhood disability, adults with ADHD/dyslexia exist too and still need and deserve accommodations, AND is a place where those accommodations are available. That's why Camp Jupiter and NRU are treated as such special and important things to Percy, because it's essentially Percy being shown this type of thing can and does exist and it is available to him. It is an option he never thought was possible. Percy never thought he'd be able to go to college because he would not be able to go through school without accommodations, but NRU proves otherwise.
The part that's absolutely stupid is Rick then proceeded to retcon NRU so that apparently it's not a full college and Percy still has to take classes at normal mortal college which DEFEATS THE ENTIRE PURPOSE OF NRU EXISTING. Rick has fully retconned that demigods struggle past the ages of 16-18 when they're on their own (see above elaborated metaphors) and in doing so we have fully killed all symbolism in literally all of that. It's so stupid. And by having the plot of the CoTG trilogy entirely be that Percy is not actually allowed access to NRU in the first place because he is a son of Poseidon and has to do extra to even be accepted is stupid!
All that to say, I agree the marine biology feels like a huge cop-out and a disservice to his character by reducing him to just a son of Poseidon. The literal only reason why it's the default option people take for him is because oh, fish thing, fish guy. But I feel like everyone ignores the really obvious answer for what Percy would want to do which is - writing. Both his parents are writers/authors and he clearly admires that about them. Percy likes telling stories! He canonically is already a published author in-universe! That's what the books ARE in-universe! The first series fully exists in their universe and Percy is the author! This is explicit canonical information! Percy canonically has help physically writing it down (accommodations) but he is still the credited author! Percy is a writer! Already! Canonically! Why are we making him a marine biologist he already has a profession that ties into his character significantly more. Like you said, Percy likes helping people. That's what the books in-universe are supposed to be for! It's point blank at the beginning of the series! Book one! The thing everybody quotes all the time! The books exist because it is Percy trying to give advice to other demigods who don't know what's going on yet! It's Percy's writing down his experiences to help new demigods understand and contextualize their experiences so they can understand themselves better and figure out what's going on - WHICH IN ITSELF IS ALSO A METAPHOR ABOUT ADHD/DYSLEXIA! Because the core of the series has and always will be built around ADHD/dyslexia! Percy as a protagonist EXPLICITLY was created so that ADHD/dyslexic kids could see themselves as a hero!
Sorry that all was a very tangential rant but my point being: Absolutely. Percy in newer stuff in the franchise and in fanon is horrifically mischaracterized in ways that are functionally either fully ableist (shoutout TSATS for just outright claiming Percy is intentionally lazy and skips school out of disinterest, which is like the number one ableist attitude towards kids with learning disabilities) or a complete erasure of Percy's disabilities. Also I think he should be a writing major not a marine biologist.
#percy jackson#prev tags ->#i'm holding a microphone up to this post#i loathe the âpercy doesn't care abt schoolâ bc literally in the first book he wants to do well bc mr brunner believes in him...#which makes it abundantly clear that percy's problem is that he's not getting what he needs to do well not that he doesn't care#see: the teacher who asked him why he never studies for his spelling tests and percy's retaliation getting him expelled#it's not subtle! it is the premise of the story!#i'm pretty sure i've talked abt how percy would crush a lit class given the proper accommodations so. but author percy so true rt#and marine biology...literally percy *is* environmentally conscious since tlt but there are better options if rick wanted to go that route#bc marine biology is literally just. haha poseidon. besides percy can do environmental work regardless bc. hello! grover!#the malewife thing...like yeah percy does like kids! it's a plot point in a lot of the books that he will prioritize caring for others#but it's also something he can get from being a teacher. working at a daycare. holding the olympians accountable#he's allowed to have goals outside of annabeth! in fact treating him like he needs annabeth to tell him what to do is ableism!#and his lack of ambition/planning is bc he's been suicidal since the first book in the universe and no one has#ever seriously acknowledged it. partially bc rick decided that percy can't have ptsd despite writing him w ptsd in pjo#don't even talk to me abt it *explodes*#this wasn't mentioned but tangentially the âpercy knows better than to challenge annabethâ is so disgusting to me#bc that's literally what percy and sally's relationship w gabe was like. can we use our fucking brains why are we running w this#especially combined w the whole âpercy is stupid and annabeth is a girlbossâ ableism it gets really gross really fast#don't even get me started on how annabeth's disabilities are erased so she can girlboss it up in both canon and fanon#percabeth is not the exception to rick's writing flaws or fandomization đź#ANYWAY prev tags i don't have room to copy them BUT YEAH#i have a compilation in my drafts of every adhd/dyslexia mention in hoo bc i was trying to find out if piper says she has adhd#and every scene in five books w nine povs is like. 18. including frank's bemoaning. for comparison the mentions in tlt ALONE is like 16.#morever percy is the only character to talk abt their personal experiences w dyslexia (HELLO???)#and percy annabeth and leo are the only characters to bring up how their adhd affects them personally so yeah um. ball dropped!#disabilities are an integral part of demigods like u cannot separate them doing so severely affects the entire world building#rick constantly ignoring how pjo showed both that the gods changed and could changed is infuriating to me#like treating zeus as a petulant child when in pjo he was the leader of the pta talking abt ppl who weren't represented on the panel UGH#rr crit
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summary: After months working for the BAU, your harbored feelings for your boss seem unrequited until your hunt for the unsub goes awry. (hotch x fem!reader)
wc: 9.8k (oh my god)
cw: slow burn, boss/employee dynamic, age gap pairing, criminal minds level violence, mention of alcoholism, implication of father issues, hurt/comfort, reader gets hurt, fluff, angst, SMUT (18+ MDNI), oral (f receiving), p in v sex, Hotch is a professional at heart and takes work boundaries seriously
a/n: Back in the saddle with a new man to hyper-fixate on. Hotch can GET IT. Also, let me know if anyone wants the SFW version I'm working on
âLooks like weâre doubling up,â Hotch announced, a sigh escaping his lips.
Before you could even process his words, the rest of the team sounded off, choosing their roommates for the duration of the case. All that remained were you and your boss. With the team dispersing, you awkwardly shifted your duffle bag to your other shoulder and looked up at Hotch.
His stern expression didnât change as he looked back at you. âCome on. Weâre 202.â
You followed him to the elevators, still unsure what to think. This was not only your boss but someone you had garnered quite a fondness for since you joined the BAU. Of course, you had managed yourself professionally thus far, but you were sure this was going to test your limits.
You understood the immediate pairings among the rest of the team. You were still fairly new, not quite to the rapport that the team had formed with each other. But it also made you think about how no one chose Hotch. The pressure to be Unit Chief also had to be lonely.
The elevator chimed, and the two of you shuffled in. You kept to yourself, trying to maintain composure. The lift from the first floor to the second felt like an hour, the silence deafening. You couldnât shake your nerves. The doors opened, and he stepped out. You quickly followed.
Hotch opened the door and allowed you in first. The two double beds, office chair, mini fridge, and small bathroom were all less comforting to you than normal.
âDo you mind if I take the bed by the door?â Hotch asked, his voice softer than usual.
You blinked up at him, stirred from your preoccupation. âYeah, of course. I like the window side anyway.â
âThank you. If youâd like, you can have the shower first. Iâd like to call Jack before he heads to bed.â
âSounds good.â
You began to unpack your belongings and sighed in dismay. You had assumed that you would have a room to yourself as usual, so your pajamas were a little more revealing than youâd prefer your boss to see. Still, a t-shirt and shorts were reasonable sleep attire, so you tried not to dwell on it. You collected your things as Hotch dialed a number on his phone.
âHey, buddy, how was your day?â
You smiled to yourself as you entered the bathroom. His âdadâ voice was more upbeat, yet calm and soothing. With Hotch distracted on the phone, you could relax in the shower. The boiling water stung your skin, just the way you needed it. As you relaxed, you realized how silly it was for you to stress over the rooming situation. Hotch was here to do his job, just like you. And other than his intelligence, his kindness, and his fierce compassion for kids, you were sure you were only infatuated with him.
You finished up your shower and towel-dried your hair once you could no longer hear his muffled voice through the door. You were desperate not to waste Hotchâs time. With your hair still wet and your large t-shirt hanging over your shorts, you timidly exited the bathroom back to your bed, on your toes as if you were sneaking around. Hotch sat on his bed, his coat jacket now on the desk chair. He flipped through channels with the remote in one hand and loosened his tie with the other.
âAll yours,â you spoke, struggling to get the words out.
Hotch looked up at you and gave a small smile. âThanks.â He gathered up his things and closed the bathroom door behind him.
Another sigh of relief left your lips. You grabbed the book from your duffle and climbed into bed. You rolled over to turn on the lamp next to you and began to read, but before you knew it, sleep overtook you.
------
âHotchner.â
You woke up to Hotch answering his phone. The sky was still dark. The only light illuminating the room was the alarm clock. You realized that you hadnât turned off the lamp before you fell asleep, nor did you place your book carefully on the side table with a hotel pen as the bookmark.
âAlright. Yes. Right. Understood. Weâll be right over.â
You looked up at Hotch expectantly. He looked at you, then averted his eyes as he got out of bed. âAnother young girl missing. Sheâs only 16.â He paced the floor for a moment, a short-lived break from the stoic leader he always has to be.
âIâll call the others,â you said sitting up. His eyes returned to yours, the strain turning into relief. He only nodded and headed for the closet, suiting up right there.
You called the others and followed suit, leaving the hotel parking lot by 3:46 am.
------
The next 18 hours were long, stressful, and only moderately successful. The team was able to work out an arrangement with the kidnapper before their 24 hours were up. The girl, Heather, was returned to her parents with only a few bruises. But the kidnapper got away, practically goading you all at the ability to remain anonymous. The team was exhausted and out of ideas.
The team drove back to the hotel without a single word exchanged. The kidnapperâs voice rang in your head. He was so confident, arrogant even. There was almost never a moment where he fumbled over his words or cracked. His ruse lasted for hours. But he got sloppy in the end, fessing up to her location just enough for Garcia to triangulate. But something wasnât adding up to you: his willingness to run instead of killing her when he had the chance.
Hotch spoke up, stirring you from your ruminations. âWe need to start from scratch. Reid, give us a rundown on what, where, and why.â
âWell, we know his victims are all young women now ranging from 16 to 23. They come from middle to upper-class families. He sends messages to the families always demanding ransom within 24 hours. Three women have been killed, and now two have survived. The strange part is whether or not he stays truthful to his word. The parents have always given him what he wants, but then itâs up to his discretion whether he follows through.â
 âBased on these girls,â Prentiss interjected, âthis guyâs intelligent. He prides himself on the ability to get away with this.â
âThatâs good,â Hotch said, eyes still on the road. âBut why work with us sometimes and not others?
The SUV hummed as its passengers sat in silence.  Â
You decided to speak up. âPrentiss said he prides himself on the ability to get away with this, right?â Everyone sat still, expectant for you to continue. âWeâre looking at this the wrong way. This isnât a sadist who gets off on killing. This isnât a psychopath with a compulsion. This is a narcissistic sociopath who has been evading capture for weeks now. This is a game to him. Itâs a game he knows he can win.â
âWhich is why when heâs pressured, he releases the girl.â Hotch nodded along.
âHe can take a loss where he can because, to him, the ultimate win is to not get caught,â Reid agreed.
âGreat work,â Hotch said, parking the car. âYou guys head in and get some good sleep. Iâll fill in the other van. Be ready for a big day of planning.â
You walked up with Reid and Prentiss, a small smile refusing to leave your lips. You cracked it, you thought to yourself.
Your two teammates teased each other up to the rooms, you following close behind. You werenât the type to inject yourself into other peopleâs conversations, which ended up making it hard to connect with them. It was as if you had been adopted into a family that has known each other their whole lives. You were respected, sure, so there was no need to complain. You just wished that you could make jokes with them and have the levity they had during intense cases like this.
Still, even hearing your teammates laugh was enough for you tonight. You longed for a moment longer, but they said their goodnights and headed off.
You entered your room, much more relaxed than the night before. You had yourself all worked up, and for what? You gathered your things and headed to the shower, sure that Hotch wasnât far behind and would call his son again.
As you exited the bathroom, Hotch entered the room. You jumped despite yourself.
âSorry, I didnât mean to scare you,â he said.
âItâs ok,â was all you said in response. You returned your things to your bag and slid into bed. You turned on the lamp and began reading while Hotch took his turn in the shower.
You were still reading when he returned, the book more interesting now than it was the night before. You glanced up only for a moment. Hotch wore striped pajama pants tonight, contrasted to the boxers you accidentally noticed earlier that morning. You looked back at your book but couldnât read it. Your mind wandered to the message Hotch could be sending. Maybe your shorts were inappropriate. Maybe you werenât meant to see his boxer shorts at all. Maybe he was just cold.
âGood work today,â Hotch said, interrupting your thoughts.
You smiled up at him. âIt was a team effort.â
âWe may have never come to the conclusion you did. Take the compliment.â Hotchâs lips raised to a subtle smirk, something youâve only seen a handful of times and certainly never directed toward you.
âYes, sir,â you said. âThank you.â You couldnât help but smile to yourself. Your eyes drifted back to your book.
âWhatâs your book about?â
Was Hotch trying to make conversation with you? True, it wasnât as late as yesterdayâs arrival, but in all of your months of working for the BAU, any discussion with the team had been strictly professional. Still, you blushed at the question.
âItâs a romance,â you confessed.
âI have to say,â Hotch began, âIâve never read a romance novel. What about it appeals to you?â
You thought for a moment. âI guess itâs the suspension of disbelief. The relief to enter a reality where people love in big, romantic ways. Donât you ever want to get swept off your feet?â
You cringed at the question, debating on whether it was appropriate to ask your superior about romance.
âI think Iâd rather do the sweeping,â Hotch said thoughtfully.
You smiled at his words.
âYou donât think people love in romantic ways in this reality?â Hotch asked, looking up at the ceiling. His breaths were calm, and his face seemed to soften from serious to curious.
âI donât know,â you said sincerely. âMy sister is about to marry a real stand-up guy. Heâs caring and has a good family who loves her, too. Itâs one of those one-and-done fairy tale deals. Like truly made for each other. But I wouldnât say thatâs the norm. Itâs not my norm, at least. So, yeah, I guess you could say Iâm skeptical.â
You crossed your legs and fiddled with your thumbs. You tried not to reflect on your history, tried not to give any clue to your boss of your true beliefs. It didnât ultimately matter to the conversation, anyway. The silence stewed as it stirred up new thoughts and old patterns, feeling yourself shut down the conversation. You didnât mean to. You hated being seen as the one that was boring outside of work. The one that wasnât friendly enough to get to know.
âIâm sure you donât know,â Hotch began again, shaking you from your anxious thoughts, âbut bringing up your sister reminded me that I met your dad a few years ago.â
You shot up. âYou know about him?â You covered your face with your hands.
âHe was nationally awarded for his work in counterterrorism. Of course, I know about him.â He laughed softly, a sound you werenât used to but would never complain to hear it again. âI met him on a job in Bakersfield. He knew the town like the back of his hand. Is he why you joined?â
âIn a roundabout way,â you sighed.
âHe brought up his girls every chance he could.â Hotch smiled and turned to face you. âOne was a soccer star in South Carolina on track to be a doctor. One was a track star a semester away from graduating with honors and applying to Physician Assistant programs, I believe.â
âMy sisters are overachievers,â you said.
âThen itâs you he talked about the most. The musician, the future psychologist, the one who found fascination with the minute details of life.â
âMy dad said all that?â
âHe did. He had offered us beers when it was all over, and he shared photos of you all. Youâre certainly much more grown now.â He chuckled.
Your cheeks flushed red at the comment.
âI showed him Jack playing tee-ball, and we both shared some stories before it was time to go. He had some great advice to give.â
âIâm sure he did,â you mumbled. âSir, I donât want you to think I got in because of him. He didnât know until I made it to Quantico. I mean, yes, he always pushed the army and West Point like him, but I did this all on my own, Mr. Hotchner, I swear.â
âHotch is fine,â he gently corrected. âIâm not worried about where you came from. I knew the entire time. But your qualifications are what got you on the team, not your father. Keep up the good work, and Iâll continue to remember that.â
âYes, sir.â You thought to yourself for a moment. The candor of the conversation may have added to your bravery in this moment. âHotch?â
He raised his eyebrows to imply he was listening.
âUmm, Is there anything that I can do to, like⊠never mind. Iâm about to sound pathetic.â You huffed back down into your pillow. You couldnât believe you were about to ask Hotch how to make friends.
âTheyâll warm up to you, just like youâll warm up to them. Just keep doing what youâre doing, and Iâm sure theyâll see you for who you are.â
You sighed again. Of course, he knew what you were stressing about. Heâs the chief profiler after all.
âIâll let you read now,â Hotch said, getting up from bed. âIâm going to call Jack.â
You gave a small smile and nodded, and he left the room.
------
You woke up the next morning to Hotch returning to the room, two disposable coffee cups and a case file in his hands.
You jerked up from bed. âAm I late?â you asked, scared you slept through the alarm.
âNo, no,â he said, walking over to you. âIâm early. Coffee?â
He held out one of the cups to you. You gently accepted.
âThank you.â You looked over at the clock. 5:54. You rubbed your eyes. âAre you always up this early?â
âOn the job, yes,â he said with no inflection. âMuch to think about, and much to be done.â He sat back on his bed and reviewed the file you knew he had reviewed countless times. If he was anything like you, he was searching for some hidden puzzle piece, something that the team must have missed to solve the case once and for all. But it was never that easy. Still, maybe some fresh eyes could help.
You slid out of your bed and rested on top of his. âCan I help?â
âBe my guest.â He shifted the file your way for a better vantage point. You crossed your legs and sipped your coffee before getting to work.
You found yourself lost in thought, jotting down those thoughts in the margins. It helped to visualize your connections, even drawing physical lines to connect them. You noticed that the most recent girl didnât fit the age range of the others, 19-23. You dug deeper, making a note to ask Garcia to run the connection between all of these girls. College? you wrote. There was a college campus within ten minutes of the hotel. One more thing struck you. All of the victims had their hair up in a high ponytail. You werenât sure how that was associated yet, but you wrote beside each of the photos anyway.
As the early sun began to rise, you grew brutally aware of Hotchâs presence. His body leaned closer to yours, and you felt his eyes sear into your skin. You grew distracted, your mind wandering to the fact that you were wearing only a loose shirt and small shorts in Hotchâs bed. Was he noticing the same thing? Was this a breach of professionalism? Were you making him uncomfortable? Against all your will, you felt your body temperature rise in the form of a blush.
The alarm clock rang out, pulling both Hotch and your attention. You stretched over to turn it off.
âIâll let you get ready,â Hotch said, jumping out of bed. He headed to the door, refusing to meet your gaze. âMeet me downstairs?â
âYes, sir,â you said, slightly surprised by the questioning tone of your superior. He nodded and left the room before another word could be spoken.
-------
In the conference room of the local police station sat the team, all watching Hotch interact with the captain of the squad through the glass. You stayed facing the table with your head low. You couldnât help the bounce of your leg. While the others inferred the conversation outside, your mind had fixated on the morningâs events. The heat of your bossâs breath had tattooed your skin, a branding to the back of your neck. The intimacy, the closeness, and then the flustered nature Hotch left in replayed in your mind. You couldnât look at him until you could properly collect yourself.
âWhatâs on your mind, kiddo?â Morgan asked. Your head shot up. All eyes were on you now. You failed to hide the rouging in your cheeks.
âNothing.â You shrugged, though you knew the contradiction in your body language.
JJ chuckled. âNothing? Youâre so tense, so distracted.â
âWhatâs going on in that pretty head of yours, huh?â Morgan asked again, a smile growing on his face. âHotch keeping you up all night?â
You flinched at his name. You couldnât help it, but you outed yourself all the same.
âNo, I slept fine. I swear.â
âYou flinched!â Prentiss laughed and pointed. âIt is about Hotch, isnât it?â
âLeave the poor girl alone,â Rossi said, not bothering to look up from his newspaper.
âHon, you better tell us what happened in the next three seconds.â Derek swatted at Spencerâs chest. âReid, help us out, here.â
âBased on the months weâve known her, she tends toââ
 âDonât you start profiling me, Reid.â You glared at Spencer across the table.
His arms shot up in the air as if to surrender, but a smirk remained on his face. âAll Iâm saying is that I know the physical signs of a crush when I see one.â
Your jaw dropped. The conference room filled with laughter.
âLeave her alone!â Garcia yelled from behind you. âSheâs our sensitive little one!â
âIâm not 5,â you mumbled, crossing your arms. Penelope hugged you from behind as if to protect you from the others. The others continued to laugh, causing you to smile despite yourself. Morgan took a photo of you and Garcia, and warmth spread through you. Even with all the teasing, being here with the team felt good.
Just then Hotch rushed through the door. âAlright, letâs be seated and get to work. We have a big day ahead of us.â Garcia took her seat, but Hotch stayed standing, opting to position himself in front of the whiteboard. âAfter speaking with the captain and going through the case file with Y/N this morning, I determined our best attack on the situation. Though, it is rather unorthodox.â
The rest of the team stayed silent, waiting for the punchline. Hotch continued. âWhat do we know about our killer better than anything? His victimology. We know that he goes after girls and young women aged 16-23. They are middle to upper-class, and not the type to find themselves in trouble. Now, who do we all know who fits this very description?â
âY/N,â Reid said.
All eyes returned to you, this time with a seriousness looming in the air.
âIf we donât want any other kidnappings, we need to give him what he wants. Going after the 16-year-old was off for him. Heâs devolving. Which means we need to act fast before he kills again. This is the only way we can approach this head-on.â
âHotch,â Emily began, âwith all due respect, let me take this on. Or JJ. JJ has experience.â
âWith his victimology going as low as 16 now, it should be someone who looks the part,â Reid replied.
âSheâs just a kid, Hotch.â Morgan reached his hand toward your shoulder, but you gently nudged it away.
âBut Iâm not a kid at all,â you spoke up. âI have two degrees and the same job as the rest of you. I know Iâm young and look younger, but Iâm qualified. If my appearance can be used to put this guy away, then let me help. Let me do my job.â You looked up at Hotch, a sudden confidence flowing through your veins. âWhat do you need me to do?â
-------
For the rest of the day, the team helped you prepare for your role as a 22-year-old college student. The team strategized and planned, desperate to ensure your safety. Everyone added their two cents, but you were happy to receive all the insight you were given. You werenât going to screw this up for them.
You, Hotch, Prentiss, and Morgan returned to the hotel to pick among your belongings to dress the part. Rossi, Reid, and JJ stayed behind with Garcia to set up intel at the station.
âThe shorts you wore to bed,â Hotch began, âgo put those on while we find a sweatshirt or jacket. In fact, wear the shirt you wore, too. The size could conceal the mic better.â
You nodded and grabbed your things before heading into the bathroom. It was not lost on you that your boss was thoroughly aware of your pajama situation, but due to the pivotal role you were to perform, it was easier to focus on the task at hand.
You returned from the bathroom where Emily greeted you with the mic. You lifted your arms, allowing Emily to snake the mic underneath your shirt, securing it to your sternum with sports tape. While doing so, Hotch and Morgan returned with a single sweatshirt in Morganâs hand. It was grungy and old, not quite the goal aesthetic.
Still, Morgan handed it to you to try on. The three profilers evaluated your look.
âThis isnât gonna work,â Morgan said. Prentiss pinched her eyebrows together in dismay. Hotch stayed staring.
âTake off the sweatshirt,â Hotch ordered. âI think I have something better.â
You did as he said while he rummaged through his duffle bag. He pulled out a quarter zip of excellent quality, something he only wears on a successful plane ride home.
âPut it on.â
You didnât hesitate to follow his instructions. It was a large fit, hanging just above the hem of your shorts and the sleeves landing at your fingertips. The three of them looked at you, then to their reference photos, then back at you. Something was missing.
âCall Reid. Maybe he can find any other similarity weâre missing,â Hotch said.
âNo, I got it.â You remembered the notes you made earlier that morning. You took the hair tie from your wrist and pulled your hair up into a high ponytail. âNow, what do you think?â
âThatâs it,â Morgan said.
âAnd just in time,â Emily noted, âWe gotta get you to the college fast.â
On the ride to the school, Hotch reiterated the goals in place.
âAll you need to do is walk across campus using the roads. Keep to yourself, and most importantly, do notâand I mean itâdo NOT, get into the vehicle under any circumstances. Stall him, flirt with him, do anything you can to keep him in place. Weâll be right there. Got it?â
âYes, sir. I got it.â
âWeâre counting on you.â
âGood luck.â Prentiss smiled with seriousness behind her eyes.
Morgan grabbed your shoulder, turning you around. âBe smart, kiddo.â
You returned a small smile and left the van to venture on your walk.
------
You had to have walked the streets for at least an hour. The campus was massive, larger than any school you attended. You did as you were told and kept to yourself. The sun had long since set, so there was no warmth to guard you from the biting breeze. A car or two passed periodically, but none slowed down beside you. There was a peace in the solitude. One could chalk it up to the calm before the storm, but you werenât afraid.
Another car passed, but this time it slowed down. Your heart stopped and landed in your throat.
âExcuse me,â the man called out. The voice was unforgettable. The very same voice that threatened to kill the girl over the phone. The voice that replayed in your mind for hours. You knew it was him.
You turned to face him, trying to commit every detail to memory. He was a conventionally attractive man with lighter hair and a smile that you would have swooned over under any other circumstance. He wore a white polo and jeans and drove a two-door black convertible with the top down.
âSorry,â he said. âIâm looking for a party my buddyâs throwing, but I donât go here.â
âIâll say you donât,â you chuckled as you walked closer. âYour car must cost my tuition!â
The man grinned. âYou like? I could take you for a spin. But Iâll have you know; I like to go fast.â
âMmmm, top-down, wind in my hair,ââyou inched closer still, to feign some sort of interestâ âbut donât you have a party youâre missing?â
âWell, if you show me where to go, maybe Iâll consider you my plus one.â He winked.
âNow, do I look like the partying type to you?â You laughed and rested your arms on his car door.
Without another word, he grabbed you by the upper arms and pulled you into the driverâs seat. You screamed at the top of your lungs. You tried to fight him from your disadvantaged position, but he was stronger, quicker. He forced you into the passenger seat as he wailed punch after punch into your jaw.
âNice. Girls. Donât. Scream!â he yelled. He punctuated his words with one final blow to the head. And as you drifted out of consciousness, you werenât sure if the roof was closing above you or if the sky was turning black.
------
The sound of fireworks stirred you from your unconsciousness. Lights of reds and blues lit the night sky. You smiled at the serenity of the celebration. You didnât want to go, but the strong hands beneath you lifted you away. You were much too tired to argue, his heartbeat lulling you to sleep. The faint words âstay with meâ echoed in your mind, and if staying meant remaining in the comfort of the person who held you, youâd be content to stay there forever.
------
You woke up to blinding white lights. This must be heaven you assumed. You blinked through the searing lights and realized it wasnât heaven at all. You were in a hospital. The sheets, the gown, the blinking monitors, and a small TV playing all clouded your senses. You reached up to rub your head, but someone was holding your hand.
Hotch moved with you, stirring him out of his strained slumber. He had pulled a chair to your bed, his head resting next to your knee. He lifted his head and looked up at you, an urgency deep within his eyes.
âHow are you feeling?â He didnât let go of your hand.
âIâuhhhâHotch, whatâs goinâ on?â You found your breathing quickening at the sound of your slurred speech, the confusion becoming too much to handle.
âYouâre ok. Youâre gonna be ok. The doctor said they want to keep you overnight, but the teamâs on their way.â
âNo, no.â You pulled your hand away. âThey canât see me like this. You canât see me like this! Iâm not put together. IâI feel like I'm gonna be sick. I canât feel my arms. Are my hands shaking? I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out!â
Hotch all but jumped at your ramblings, his eyebrows raised in shock. Before he could answer you burst into tears.
âHotch, Iâm gonna be sick,â you said through your convulsions.
Hotch jumped up in search of a bucket. He grabbed the trashcan at the corner of the room and brought it to you just in time. Tears streamed down your face as you threw up into the trashcan. Hotch held your hair back and gently rubbed your back.
Your nausea subsided, but your panic remained. Hotch sat on the bed, pulling you into his chest. You gripped him with all your might, desperate for the shakes to go away.
âYou're alright. You're safe, ok? I think the medicine is messing with you a little. Take some deep breaths for me. I need you to relax, ok?â
You tried to take breaths at the pace Hotch set. Hotchâs hand combed through your hair as he tried to soothe you. Eventually, you were able to cool off. Hotch gently rested you back on your pillow. âWhy donât we go back to sleep for a little, ok? I think youâll feel better when you wake up.â
You nodded, your face still wet from the tears. You repositioned yourself and fell asleep within moments.
When you woke up again, your mind was your own. Your head was pounding, and your body ached. You allowed yourself to adjust to your environment before searching for Hotch. There he sat by your bed, talking to a nurse. You cleared your throat effortfully. Hotch stood and approached you.
âHow are you?â
âEverything hurts.â
âTheyâre giving you ibuprofen now. It seems like you were reacting to the morphine poorly.â
âThatâs embarrassing.â
âNot at all,â Hotch said seriously. âDo you remember what I told you? That they want to keep you overnight?â
âThat does ring a bell,â you said as you rubbed your head. âIs the team here?â
âThey are. I told them to wait outside until you were ready.â
âOh, ok.â You thought for a moment. âHotch?â
âYes?â
âCanâCan you tell me what happened? Like, did we win? Is everyone ok?â
Hotch chuckled, but his eyes appeared sad. âEveryone is fine. We got him. Are you sure you want to talk about this now? Why donât we wait until youââ
âHotch. Please.â
Hotch sighed and took a moment to think. âWell, we knew we were looking for an expensive convertible thanks to you.â He smiled. âSo, we began our search as you spoke. But then, we all heard you scream.â
You flinched at the word, your memory of the gruesome event beginning to reassemble.
âOf course, it was full speed at that point. He had you, and we werenât going to lose you. We cornered him on a dead-end road just outside of campus. We didnât let him get far. Prentiss shot out one of his tires, so he started running. Prentiss and Morgan ran for him, and I ran to you.â
He paused. He looked away as his bottom lip trembled. He took a deep breath in as he settled into his natural professionalism again.
âWe had EMT on standby, so we were able to get here quickly.â
You nodded, realizing it was Hotch who carried you out. The fireworks, the lights, the âstay with meâ, the reality of it all crashed in on you in the form of a shudder.
âIt was you?â you asked.
Hotch knit his eyebrows together and tilted his head. âWhat do you mean?â
âYou pulled me out. I felt you. I think I heard you.â
âSomeone had to make sure you were ok.â
The fact that it was Hotch warmed your heart. Still, a question lingered in your mind. âIs he still alive?â
Hotch shook his head no.
âMm,â was all you could say in response. There was no room for emotion. No time to process an opinion. You were just glad it was over. âWhat time is it?â
Hotch checked his watch. âItâs 2:43.â
âIn the morning? Sir, with all good intentions, go to bed. Go tell the team toââ
Just behind Hotch, you caught a glimpse of Spencer in the doorway. âIs now a good time?â he asked.
You smiled and nodded. Spencer peeked his head back out and in a loud whisper said, âItâs clear! Go, go, go!â
The rest of the team hustled into the room and crowded around your bed. One by one, greetings and gentle hugs made their rounds, and your smile grew bigger and bigger.
âItâs a party now,â you said, a giggle bubbling out of your throat.
âOh, sheâs got the right idea,â JJ said as she sat close to you on the bed. She carefully moved a strand of hair from your face.
Prentiss laughed. âAll we need now is some good music, a dance floor, and some drinks.â
The room filled with a few laughs and overall agreement.
âToo bad you all arenât even supposed to be here,â Hotch said, slightly scolding the team. âItâs probably time for you all to call it a night.â
âAw, Hotch, just a few minutes?â Garcia asked.
âWeâll be quiet!â Reid said.
Everyone looked at Hotch expectantly. You looked around at your teammates. They all were begging for a couple more minutes with you. That alone allowed your pain to subside.
Hotch sighed. âJust a couple more minutes.â A small smile formed on his face.
Everyone crowded around the bed, content murmurs and chatter filling the room again.
âNow be honest, guys. How bad do I look?â You shot them all a cheesy smile to sell it.
A few of them chuckled at your antics.
âI think youâll be back to dating in no time,â Prentiss joked. âGuys love a badass scar.â
âYeah, âcause she was dating before,â JJ teased as she played with your hair.
âShut up!â you giggled, coughing a little.
âIâll get you water.â Hotch shot up and walked off.
âIâll go with him,â Rossi said, sighing.
A seriousness enveloped the room. Derek was the first to speak up. âYou know, you really scared us today, kiddo. Not to get all big brother on you, but it was tough seeing Hotch carrying you like that. Just limp.â
âAnd imagine how Hotch must have felt,â Reid said.
You looked up at him. âWhat do you mean?â
Just then Hotch and Rossi returned with your water.
âDrink,â he said, his arm outstretched. You grabbed the water from him, your fingers overlapping his. The memory of his hands shot through your spine. His frantic begging for you to stay with him, much more panicked than you remembered the phrase.
Imagine how Hotch must have felt.
âItâs getting late,â Rossi said.
The rest of the team grumbled and said their goodbyes. Hotch allowed the rest of the team to go, lingering in the room with you.
âIf you need me to stay, Iâd be happy to do so.â
âYou need sleep, sir.â
âIâll sleep on the plane,â he said as if it was nothing to him. âIf you donât think youâll need me, I can let you be. We can be here early to pick you up.â
You thought for a moment. You didnât want him to go, just in case. âWould you be willing to stay?â
âItâs why I offered.â
You felt your lip begin to tremble, the brave face for the rest of the team beginning to fade. âHotch?â
âWhat can I do?â
âWell, I just⊠Can I use your phone? I think my mom should know Iâm alright.â
âOf course.â He handed you his phone. âIâll wait right outside for you.â
When the phone call was finished, Hotch returned and sat down in the chair.
âIf youâre going to stay, I at least want you comfortable,â you said.
âThe chair is fine,â Hotch said, taking his coat off for the first time today. âGet some sleep.â
You scooted to the side of your bed. âHere. At least sit up here where thereâs some cushion.â
He didnât respond right away. You knew you could convince him.
âI promise Iâll sleep,â you continued. âIâd be up worrying about your discomfort otherwise.â
Hotch sighed and stood up. âOnly because I want you to sleep.â
He sat in the space you made for him at your feet. He stretched his legs alongside yours and rested his back against the footboard of the hospital bed.
You couldnât help but smile to yourself as you curled up on your side. The comfort in knowing that he was there to take care of you was enough to send you off to sleep in minutes.
âGoodnight, Hotch.â
âGoodnight.â
------
You woke up to something you had never seen before. Hotch was asleep at the foot of your bed, resting his head against your shins. A hand was placed just below your knee as if he planned to protect you in his sleep. It was the most peaceful you had ever seen him. He didnât look cross or serious. He was calm and relaxed. You smiled to yourself. You had to fight the urge to return his touch. You knew the moment he woke up heâd return to his professional senses, and you werenât quite ready for this moment to be over.
The doctor walked in to check on you, stirring him awake, anyway.
âIâm clearing you. Take these twice a day. Your jaw is going to be sore for a couple weeks, so work up to crunchy and chewy foods. And please, no strenuous activity for at least a full week.â
âYes, maâam,â you said, taking the bottle of pills.
âThank you,â Hotch said. He stood up from your bed as the doctor left. He threw his jacket on and fixed his hair in the windowâs reflection.
You sat up and swung your legs off the bed. Hotch spun around and met you at your side.
âHow can I help?â
You chuckled. âI think I can stand on my own.â
His eyes shared signs of concern and disbelief. Still, he took a small step back and allowed you to gather your bearings. Standing on your own, you closed the small gap between you. You began to become painstakingly aware of your attire being only a hospital gown and rubber socks.
âYou got it?â Hotch asked, his arms out like you were a baby taking your first steps.
âMmhmm,â you said. âAre my clothes here?â
âYes, let me grab them for you.â He rushed to the corner of the room where your clothes had been neatly folded, including his sweater. He handed them all to you, his hands brushing against yours. Your heart fluttered in your chest as he stood over you. You looked up at him. His eyes returned your gaze, though you werenât able to read him. His chest rose and fell as if his breathing was slow and deliberate.
âIâm going to call the team,â Hotch said, his voice low. âDo youâdo you need help with anything before I do?â
All you could do was shake your head no on instinct, your eyes not leaving his. He stayed still. His eyes scanned you like he was contemplating something. He backed up carefully and pulled his phone from his coat pocket.
âWait,â you said.
He froze.
You felt your face redden as you worked up the courage to continue. âCouldâcould you untie the top for me? My shoulderââ
âYou donât have to explain,â he said softly as he inched forward again. âTurn around.â
You did as you were told. He brushed your hair over your shoulder and began to work on the knot. His calloused fingers feathered your skin. His warm breath betrayed you as chills ran down your spine. He untied the knot, allowing cool air to reach the back of your now-open gown. Hotch turned to leave.
âBe careful,â he said at the door. âIf you need me, knock on the glass.â
You nodded.
He closed the door behind him, leaving you alone.
------
The drive from the hospital to the hotel rendered the air stale. Hotch had insisted on helping you out of the hospital and into the car. But he didnât speak. He drove while you sat in the back seat. Every once in a while, youâd catch him checking on you in the rear-view mirror, only to direct his attention back to the road.
When you returned to the hotel, Hotch stopped you from leaving the car.
âIâll grab your things. You stay here.â
âI can get my things just fine.â
âYour bag is heavy. Doctorâs orders. No strenuous activity. Stay here.â
You huffed and sat back in your seat as Hotch closed the door for you.
The plane ride was the same: silent. Hotch sat opposite you as if he refused to allow you to leave his sight. But he kept to himself all the same. The others rested or played their card games, but you stayed put, almost waiting for Hotch to make his next move. He didnât speak the entire flight.
Upon your return, Hotch dismissed the rest of the team.
âThank you for the hard work this weekend. Rest up, and I will see you all Monday.â
You all headed out to leave, but Hotch stopped you. âLet me take you home,â he said.
You sighed. âIs driving a strenuous task now?â
âItâs late, and Iâm not asking,â he said, returning your attitude.
You followed him to his car. He carried both his and your bag and placed them in the backseat before joining you up front.
Again, not a word was spoken between the two of you. You felt your blood boiling beneath your skin. It was as if the trip never happened, as if the distance between you never closed. The babying was the worst of all. You were sure he was seeing you as the rest of the team did now, incapable, fragile, only a child.
Hotch walked you up to your apartment. He waited for you to open your door, placing your bag directly inside.
âWell,â you began, âI guess Iâll see you Monday.â
He stood in your doorway for a moment, something on his mind. âAre you sure youâre ok? Is there anything else you think you may need before I go?â
âHotch, what is all this?â
âI donât know what you mean.â
You tried to maintain your sanity, but the anger had bubbled into your throat. âAll this, this, this coddling! Youâre treating me like Iâm fragile or, or useless!â
âDo I have to remind you that you were in the hospital this morning?â Hotch asked, aggravation coating his throat.
âI donât need this from you, too, ok? The rest of them, I can take it, but you were different! I thought you were different.â
Hotch closed the door behind him and crossed his arms. âWhat are you talking about?â
âHave you not noticed that all of them treat me like Iâm a child? Derek literally calls me kiddo, and the girls act like Iâm some innocent girl fresh out of high school. Reid and JJ are five years older than me. Thatâs it! Rossi, forget it. Iâm like a grandchild to him at this point. But you, you never belittled me. So, what is this? Did I fail you? Iâd rather you just tell me than refuse to speak to me.â
âI â you didnât fail me. How could you think that?â
âYou couldnât even look at me after the hospital.â
Hotchâs face turned a light shade of pink, his eyes leaving yours for only a moment. âWe were successful because of you. But you got hurt. I just want to make sure youâre ok. Thatâs all.â
You thought for a moment, still not satisfied with his answer. âThen why didnât you talk to me? I thought we wereâI thought maybe there was somethingââ
âPlease,â Hotch interrupted, âdonât say anything you might regret.â He took a step back.
âAre you saying Iâm imagining this? That I imagined this morning?â
âNo, no, no. Weâre not doing this.â
âThe coffee, the book put away neatly,â
âI would do that for anyone.â
âWhat about when you stormed out yesterday? When we were going over the file on your bed.â Your voice started to shake.
âThatâs when IâI realized we had to use you.â He looked down, almost ashamed.
Your heart pounded in your chest, fear that youâve outed yourself and maybe you were more delusional than you thought.
âThis morningâŠâ you said.
âYou asked for my help, and I helped you. Just like Iâm happy to do for you now if you need. Look, itâs late, and youâve gone through a lot.â
âThen what did Reid mean?â
Hotch looked back up at you. He looked nervous, something you may have never seen in his eyes before. âWhat do you mean?â
âHe said imagine how you must have felt when you found me. What did he mean by that if it doesnât mean you care about me?â
âOf course, I care about you!â he exclaimed, moving closer to you. âI almost lost you! And when I found you, I thought you were gone. You were lifeless. So, forgive me for wanting to be careful with you, because I refuse to let that happen again. I refuse to lose you again.â
You looked at him in shock.
He sighed. âI shouldnât have said any of this. Listen, the only reason youâre feeling anything for me is because itâs me you woke up to. Nothing more. If Reid or Morgan found you, the same thing would happen with them.â
âDo not chalk this up to some damsel in distress situation,â you said a little too boldly. âThe whole team knows I have a thing for you.â
Now Hotch was in shock. He shook his head. âItâs not me you want.â
âYou donât know what I want.â
âI know youâre desperate for romance in your life because you either donât make time for it in real life or were burned so bad in the past, that you gave it up entirely.â
âHotch, donât you dare profile me right now.â
âI know you have a rocky relationship with men in general, rooted in your relationship with your father.â
âStop it, now.â
âYou refuse to associate with him in any way. You donât even allow us to call you by your last name. He views you differently from your sisters for some reason, and you hate him for it.â
âHotch, I swear to godââ
âYou mocked him for giving good advice, and you flinched when I brought up getting beers with him. Heâs an alcoholic, isnât he?â
âSo, what, honestly? Literally who cares if he drinks? He gets mean, so what? What gives you the right to tell me what I can and cannot have?â
âBut heâs not just mean, is he?â
The air in your lungs got caught in your throat.
âThatâs it, isnât it? Thatâs how he treats you differently.â
âThatâs enough,â you said, your voice cold.
Hotch stepped closer, grabbing your shoulders with both hands. You shuddered in his grasp. âYou donât want me, ok? I canât fix what youâve gone through. I canât even protect you at work. Do you know the guilt I feel for what happened to you? Iâm the one who got you hurt. And now I have to live with that. What makes you think that I can be what you need if I canât even keep you safe here?â
You closed what little space was left between you. You looked up at him, your face only inches from his. âStop telling me what I want. Iâm an adult. I can make my own choices. Youâre not going to push me away like this.â
Hotchâs breath hitched in his throat. His chest heaved up and down, and his eyes darkened. âThis is wrong. Iâm your superior. This isnât appropriate.â
âIf you truly donât want me, Iâll stop. Weâll go back to how things were. But you have to say you donât want me.â
His grip on your shoulders strengthened, his touch burning into your skin. His now wild eyes scanned you as if he couldnât have fathomed this happening. A lump formed in your throat as you waited for him to find the words. Instead, he pulled you flush against him and pressed his lips against yours. His kiss was raw and desperate, rougher than your healing jaw could take, but you couldnât care less. He wrapped his arms around your back and gripped your hair as if it was instinctual. Your breathing hitched, causing you to moan into his mouth.
He pulled away, slightly out of breath. âI need you to tell me this is ok.â
âThis is ok,â you said, breathless.
âGood,â Hotch said, âbecause I donât want to stop.â
A smirk formed on your face. You grabbed a hold of his tie and pulled him closer to you. âThen I think you need to take this off.â
You dropped the tie and kissed him as he took his coat off. Your mouth wandered to his jaw. Hotch let out a groan.
âYour room. Now.â
His words sent chills down your spine. You took his hand and led him to your room. You turned around and watched Hotch remove his tie, sliding it through his collar. His eyes stayed on yours, his already dark eyes now almost black with desire. The moment his tie came off, he was back on you, kissing you like his life depended on it. His hands wandered to your ass and lifted you up, his lips never leaving your skin. You wrapped your legs around him as he carried you to your bed.
Hotch laid you down, now hovering over you. His lips drifted from yours down to your neck.
âSeeing you in this had me thinking horrible things,â Hotch confessed, slightly pulling on the quarter zip you were still wearing.
You blushed. âReally?â you asked, a smug smile growing on your face. âIs that why you were avoiding me?â
âWas it really that obvious?â Hotch asked, his large hands finding their way under your shirt.
You couldnât even answer as his hands ventured up to your chest. His hands pulled a moan from your mouth.
âTake this off,â Hotch said as he pulled the hem of your shirt.
âYou, first.â
Hotchâs eyebrows raised as if surprised by your reply. He sat up and unbuttoned his shirt. You practically drooled at the sight of him shirtless. You could only assume he was fit when he rolled up his sleeves or manhandled unsubs, but this was all the confirmation you needed.
âYour turn,â he said.
You did as you were told, revealing yourself to him.
âGod, youâre perfect,â he sighed as he kissed your chest.
You fought off a moan. You couldnât believe this was happening. This was only something you pictured in your wildest dreams, and here he was in the flesh.
âI wanted this for so long,â you found yourself saying out loud.
âMe, too,â he agreed. âYou have no idea how much I thought about this.â
Your cheeks flushed red. He began leaving marks past your breasts, down your stomach to the hem of your shorts.
âCan I take these off?â Hotch asked.
You nodded.
âUse your words, honey.â
Your stomach did a flip hearing the phrase. âYes, sir. Take them off.â
He all but growled in response. He pulled at your shorts, taking them off in a swift motion.
âSo much for no strenuous activities,â you joked.
âI can be gentle,â Hotch said as he settled in between your legs. âLet me take care of you.â
Your head fell back onto your pillow. You knew you were in for it.
Hotch spread your legs apart, the stretch enough for you to arch into his touch.
A smirk graced his lips, and without another word, he licked into your core. His mouth against you was like a gift from God, something you had only hoped could feel so good. You couldnât help but squirm against him, grabbing his hair to pull him closer, if at all possible. He placed a hand on your stomach to keep you still. You could feel him smile against you, turning you on even more.
âHotch,â you breathed out. You were close faster than you had ever been.
âSay my name,â he said as he placed a finger inside you.
âA-Aaron,â you choked out, the new sensation too much to handle. He filled you with another finger, his hitting the spot your fingers never could.
âFuck, Aaron, donât stop. Please.â Your breathing quickened, and as he pumped his fingers in and out, you felt the coil in your stomach snap, expletives and his name leaving your lips. Hotch continued to pump you as you rode your high, a daze overtaking you.
When you caught your breath, you pulled Hotch back up for a kiss, your hands finding their way to his belt.
Hotchâs hands stopped yours. You looked up at him, confused.
âAre you sure you want this?â He asked, genuine concern lacing his voice.
âI want this if you do. Do you?â you asked.
âI really do,â he said. âI need to feel you.â Â
You couldnât help but smile at his words. âThen please let me help you.â
He released your hands and kissed your forehead as you unbuckled his belt. The moment felt ironically wholesome until you pulled at his dress pants. You couldnât help but gawk at his cock springing free. You were suddenly nervous, not quite sure it would fit after all this time practically revirginizing. If your jaw werenât so sore, youâd have him in your mouth without a second thought.
âIâll be gentle, I promise,â he said as if he could hear your thoughts. âI donât want to hurt you.â Hotch hovered over you and kissed your lips softly. You returned the kiss and nodded.
Hotch lined himself up with your entrance and carefully pushed in. He and you both groaned at the sensation, the stretch of him filling you something you hadnât experienced in years.
âJesus Christ. Youâre so, this isnât your first time, is it?â
âNo, no,â you said, slightly embarrassed. âItâs just been a while. Just, just go slow, ok?â
Hotch nodded and started to move. He rested his forehead on yours, sighs and pants escaping both of your lips.
âCan I kiss you?â Hotch asked.
You chuckled at his question. âWeâre a little past that, arenât we?â
Hotch smiled as he placed his lips on yours, much more tender than before. He moved a stray hair from your face and cupped your cheek with the utmost gentility. The urgency was gone, replaced by something deeper. Everything had culminated to this moment, and neither of you wanted to waste it.
Still, the need for more overtook you. âAaron,â you said, your hips bucking up into his.
âWhat do you need? I need you to tell me.â
âFaster, please,â you said.
His pace quickened, one hand still around you. He used the other to stabilize himself, allowing you to view the tension in his muscles. You bit back a moan as the pressure inside you built.
âDonât hold back,â Hotch said. âLet me hear you.â
He slammed into you, a smirk growing on his face as your breath caught in your throat.
âJust like that!â you blurted out.
He did just that, slamming into you again and again.
âFuck. I donât know how much longer I can last,â Hotch said, his voice almost shaking.
âIâm close, too. Please donât stop,â you begged.
He pounded into you harder and faster, no longer a rhythm but a motive, a goal to achieve.
âCome for me, honey. Iâve got you. Just come for me.â
You clenched around him as you came, all but screaming his name. His pace didnât let up as you rode your orgasm, your legs trembling around him.
âOh, god. Iâm gonna, where do Iââ
âChest!â
He pulled out and came on your chest, making the most attractive groans you had ever heard in your life. You watched in awe, absolute shock overtaking you. Never in your wildest dreams did you picture this. And for the love of god, you hoped this wasnât the last time this happened.
Hotch crawled over you, still catching his breath, and captured your lips in a kiss.
âHow are you feeling?â Hotch asked. âIs your head ok?â
âIâm good,â you said smiling at his return to his overprotective self. âIâm really good. I promise.â
Hotch rested his forehead on yours then kissed you, the tenderness returning.
âI like when you do that,â you said, your cheeks reddening.
âMe, too,â he said. âCome on. Letâs get you cleaned up.â
âYou donât have to help, if you donât want to.â
âWhat, and miss showering with you?â Hotch smiled. âJust lead the way.â
In the shower, the two of you washed up, and you couldnât knock the smile from your face if you tried, until you thought about showing up to work Monday morning.
âWhat are you thinking about?â Hotch asked.
âThe teamâs gonna know,â you said.
Hotch thought for a moment. âWeâll cross that bridge when we get there. For now, well, I wouldnât have done it in this order, but would you like to join me for dinner tomorrow evening?â
You blushed, despite the state you were both in. âAre you asking me on a date?â
Hotch smiled. âIâm asking you on a date, yes. I have to be honest, though, Iâm out of practice.â
âIf tonight was you out of practice, I think tomorrow will go just fine.â
Hotch laughed and kissed you again, something you hoped would never fade in your memory.
************
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